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Psycho girlfriends. Toxic boyfriends. The pathological relationship. We've all heard about it or experienced it for ourselves. Even if we're not familiar with its various names or the psychological explanations behind it, we're not surprised when we hear that a friend or family member is in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. Whether it's a girl insulted and humiliated by her boyfriend, or a man whose wife leaves him, takes his money, their kids, and his reputation after a painful divorce, these pathological relationships still seem to be a natural part of our daily experience. The pain and hopeless cycles of these relationships remind us that pathology in relationships is all too common.
Luckily there is a growing body of research on these all-too-familiar dynamics, and therapists trained in dealing with them. Sandra Brown's
How To Spot a Dangerous Man and
Women Who Love Psychopaths; Martha Stout's
The Myth of Sanity and
The Sociopath Next Door; and Robin Stern's
The Gaslight Effect. These and other essential materials bring an important body of knowledge to those who need it most. Because without such knowledge, we are like Goldilocks entering a dark and unknown forest, blind to the dangers of charming yet cunning predators.
Comment: Dr. Lobaczweski identified this evolutionary feature as a "normal instinctive substratum" which is operative in approximately 95% of humanity. It is the result of millions of years of living in mutually dependent groups. However there is another smaller group for which such behaviour is anything but natural. They learn to mimic the altruism of those with normal personality structures, but will subvert them when given the opportunity. These are the "sociopaths next door". Ponerology is the guide to understanding them.