"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with the baby carriage." - That was a school yard chant when I was in elementary school - usually used to tease a couple of kids caught holding hands. That was in the 50s, in some ways a much more innocent time.
These days, the love-marriage-
parenting progression has been blown apart. Babies happen before marriage, to cohabiting couples, and to women who are not emotionally connected to the father. Love may not have anything to do with it. In fact 40% of children born in the U.S. are born to unmarried mothers. According to the U.S. Census,
43% of children under age 18 live without fathers. That's over 24 million kids growing up without a dad in the house.
Having kids is no guarantee that dads will live with their children or will stay. Compared to kids born to married couples, those born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience the departure of their dad - or may never even know him. Those born to unmarried parents who don't live together are four times as likely to grow up without an involved dad. A recent study published in the
American Sociological Review shows that fifty percent of all children born to married parents this year will experience the divorce of their parents before they turn 18.
According to the national Fatherhood Initiative, about 40% of children who do not live with their biological father have not seen him during the past 12 months; more than half of them have never been in his home and 26% of those fathers live in a different state than their children.
Comment: Designing robust studies is difficult when attending to ephemeral subjects like meditation and compassion. But none the less, the results here are interesting. The idea that increasing compassion actually makes one more resilient to other's suffering, and not lead one to a more calloused view, as is often seen in those who are in healing and caring professions long term, is actually quite promising.
See also: