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Thu, 08 Dec 2016
The World for People who Think

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Mexico decides building a border wall actually be a good idea after Trump's visit

© News Thump
Mexico has decided that building a wall if Donald Trump wins the US Presidency would actually be a pretty good idea.

Officials confirmed the change in policy after Trump came to visit Presidente Nieto yesterday, saying that eight billion dollars would be a small price to pay to keep all that crazy out.

Representatives of the US State Department immediately contacted Mexico to ask why they'd want to ban US citizens, and accused the Mexican government of being unhelpful when they laughed down the phone and hung up.

"Trump and the Presidente were talking yesterday and halfway through Presidente Nieto just said 'Fuck this shit' and demanded we order a million tons of bricks immediately," said Government spokesman Simonez Williamsio.

"Then the phone rang and it was the Canadian Prime Minister asking if we'd like to form a buying consortium, as they'd had the same idea.

"Although they said they'd be building most of their wall out of ice once they've got the licensing rights issues sorted out."

Mexico has confirmed the wall will have the added advantage of keeping Richard Hammond from getting in again.

Some Americans have reacted angrily to the suggestion, arguing that the largest US export to Mexico, morbidly obese sex tourists, may be restricted by the move.


Radical weight loss? Saudi man says he attended Daesh military training camp to get fit

A Saudi man apparently attended Daesh military training to lose weight. His legal argument has not apparently gone down too well with Saudi authorities.

The Riyadh Erie court has accused a Saudi man of belonging to the Daesh terrorist group.

The court provided evidence of the man attending military training in clandestine centers, in which men are trained as soldiers and are prepared to take part in terrorist attacks.

Comment: What's even funnier than this man's excuse for joining Daesh is Riyadh's pretensions about fighting terrorism.


Putin did it! Vladimir Putin arrested in Florida for harassing Publix employees

© LiveStreamTVNews / YouTube
While some in the US may wish it was the real Vladimir Putin, the man arrested by West Palm Beach police is actually a Florida resident and bears little resemblance to his much more famous namesake.

The man who shares the same name as Russia's president has been arrested for allegedly trespassing and harassing employees at a Florida supermarket.

According to CBS 12, Putin appeared in court on Monday accused of verbally accosting staff at a Publix supermarket and refusing to leave the store on August 21.

It's thought the man became irate after missing a ride he had arranged to take outside one of the largest grocery chains in the US. Putin has also been charged with resisting arrest, according to reports.

Unsurprisingly, Twitter users have been having a field day with the suspect's name.

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White fragility workplace training video

© AJ+
Racism in the workplace: What you can do to protect your white employees from hearing about it.


SOTT Exclusive: Is Putin really an Islamofascist refugee terrorist bent on infiltrating America? Sanity says 'no', but Hillary says 'yes'

Hillary Clinton at a recent press conference presenting her latest evidence that she says PROVES beyond any doubt that Putin is responsible for all the ills of the world
Russia invaded Ukraine. Putin and Trump masterminded the rise of extreme nationalism. 'Putin killed my son'.

Each of these claims has crossed the lips of Western radio commentators, media pundits, and politicians - even the most gracious Hillary 'The Killary' Clinton.

These claims might seem like complete fantasy to any rational, thinking person, who might, after examining the available evidence, conclude that, far from being the source of fascist nationalism, Putin's Russia is far more democratic than the US, Russia defeated fascism in World War II, Russia was responsible for helping mitigate ISIS terrorism in Syria, and Putin's Russia has done a stand-up job of rebuilding the country after its post-Soviet collapse. But they'd be woefully wrong, according to the U.S. government.

In order to rebut these ridiculously reasonable claims, the State Department has released incontrovertible evidence that Putin is responsible for everything that's gone wrong - from the rise of the Alt-Right movement in America, to destabilizing the Western world, and even establishing the American police state. That's right. If you think things are bad in America, don't blame Americans - blame Putin.


Newly trained US soldiers arrive in German town, mistaking it for Liechtenstein

© Omar Sobhani / Reuters
Two US soldiers who decided to discover the world, starting with Liechtenstein, were baffled after finding themselves in a tiny German town instead, some 600 kilometers away from their intended destination.

The case started when two US marines who completed their training at the American Air Force base near the German town of Ramstein-Miesenbach, decided to start a world tour, FreiePresse reports.

Their first stop was supposed to be the micro state of Liechtenstein located in Central Europe.

However, the navigation of the route did not quite work out as planned. Instead, both elite soldiers found themselves in the German town of Lichtenstein in the Federal state of Sachsonia.


Instant karma smite: CEO who jacked up cost of EpiPens hospitalized by bee stings

© God
Karma is a biatch if you are one
Mylan CEO Heather Bresch was hospitalized earlier today after being attacked by a swarm of bees.

Bresch was walking through a park during her lunch hour when the bee attack occurred. A large crowd of people formed to watch as she tried to run from the swarm.

"She must have gotten stung like 100 times, mostly on her face," said one shocked onlooker, who asked to remain anonymous. "Her face was puffed up all huge, she kinda looked like a muppet."

Bresch, who is apparently allergic to bee stings, immediately suffered a severe anaphylactic reaction. However, none of the bystanders had an EpiPen on hand to inject Bresch with relief.

Grey Alien

NASA admits to alien life - Just forgot to mention it

© Waterford Whispers News
"Sorry. We just kinda assumed everyone knew about it" NASA spokeswoman Trish Chamberson told a packed press conference at their headquarters in Washington DC today, after it was revealed the space agency has known for years about alien life, but just forgot to mention it.

"There are so many films, documentaries and TV programs on aliens, that we thought everyone was aware of them by now," Ms. Chamerson explained to the shocked crowd of reporters, "Grey's have been visiting our planet for thousands of years. Who do you think built the ancient pyramids and all the other megastructures across the world? C'mon guys, it's quite obvious".

During the two hour briefing, NASA scientists confirmed previously speculated information about UFOs and Alien technology, confirming that four separate races of aliens are in regular contact with NASA, and have actually asked the agency to say hello to everyone on the planet for them.

"We do apologise for this mix up, the whole thing just slipped our mind," another scientist explained, "we were so busy back-engineering their technology, we simply forgot all about it. They even have a base on the far side of the moon, and are currently mining several planets in our solar system for minerals. They've only started on Jupiter recently, hence the new rings around it. It's all good though, they're a nice enough bunch. They don't talk much though, but always complaining about our Nuclear weapons, claiming they affect parallel universes every time they're triggered".

The disclosure comes after 70 years of countless sightings and abductions, raising questions as to why it is they are here.

"The aliens are actually harmless and only interested in the planet's natural resources," the briefing concluded, "which shouldn't cause us any problems whatsoever".


'Hemp in Avalon' shopkeeper secretly grew cannabis in Glastonbury council's hanging baskets... for 18 years

© Google
Mr Cannabis's shop Hemp in Avalon in Glastonbury
A Glastonbury man says has been secretly growing cannabis in the town's prize-winning public flower displays, which are watered by the local council, for the last 18 years.

Business owner and campaigner Free Cannabis, who changed his name by deed poll in 1997, revealed he and others were planting the cannabis seeds outside his shop, 'Hemp in Avalon'.

"I and others come along and drop the seeds into the tubs, they get watered by nature - and the council.

"I am amazed that people get so excited about this, it's a sad reflection of society's hemp-phobia," he told Somerset Live.

"This is a plant that has so many medicinal qualities - it's a food, it's used for fibre and fuel, it basically gives you everything you need."

His activities were discovered after police received a complaint, and the plant was then ripped up.

He says the removal of the plant was "sad and shocking," as it had become an unofficial part of the display outside the shop for almost two decades.


Duke the Great Pyrenees becomes mayor of Minnesota town again

© Associated Press
Duke becomes mayor again.
A Great Pyrenees called Duke has been re-elected as mayor of the northwestern Minnesota town of Cormorant, for a third consecutive term.

Duke became a mayor of Cormorant, population 1,000, two years ago. He defeated Richard Sherbrook, the owner of a local store, through write-in votes. Duke was 7 at the time and can now boast of being the first mayor in the US to have taken office at such a young age.

The dog won his third election in a row, held Saturday during the 6th Annual Cormorant Daze Festival. Duke attended the event wearing a patriotic star-spangled bandanna around his neck and a small black top hat.