Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Bulb

Man Leads Chase, Claims He's Dick Cheney

STRATFORD, Conn. - A man was taken to Bridgeport Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation after he led authorities on a high-speed chase and then claimed to be Vice President Dick Cheney, police said.


Magic Wand

Ten of the best April Fool's Day hoaxes: US museum

From television revealing that spaghetti grows on trees to advertisements for the left-handed burger, the tradition of April Fool's Day stories in the media has a weird and wonderful history.

Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.

-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.

Bizarro Earth

Judge: Sex Change Doesn't End Alimony

A woman's sex change operation does not free her ex-husband from his alimony obligation, a judge said Wednesday.

Attorneys for Lawrence Roach, 48, had argued his 55-year-old ex-wife's decision to switch genders and change her name from Julia to Julio Roberto Silverwolf voided their 2004 divorce agreement.

''It's illegal for a man to marry a man and it should likewise be illegal for a man to pay alimony to a man,'' said John McGuire, one of Roach's attorneys.

Circuit Judge Jack R. St. Arnold, however, ruled that in the eyes of the law, nothing changed significantly enough to free Roach from his $1,250-a-month obligation.

Life Preserver

Judge bars Bears fan from changing name to 'Peyton Manning' on bet

DECATUR, Ill. - Chicago Bears fan Scott Wiese is no Peyton Manning after all.

Macon County Judge Katherine McCarthy ruled this week that Wiese can't legally call himself Peyton Manning because it would be too confusing and might infringe on the privacy of the Indianapolis Colts quarterback.

Magic Wand

Men drained by bed sharing

Scientists in Austria say sharing a bed with someone temporarily reduces men's brain power.

When men spend the night with someone their sleep is disturbed, whether they make love or not, and this impairs their mental ability the next day.

According to the New Scientist study, women who share a bed fare better because they sleep more deeply.

Professor Gerhard Kloesch and colleagues at the University of Vienna studied eight unmarried, childless couples in their 20s.

Sheeple

I'm Prepared To Give My Life For This Or Any Country (Satire)

As a true patriot, I would gladly die in battle defending my homeland. I love my country more than my own life. But I would also be more than willing to give my last breath in the name of, say, Mexico, Panama, Japan, or the Czech Republic. The most honorable thing a man can do is lay down his life for his country. Or another country. The important thing is that it's a country.

Clock

Shaping Public Opinion: Does Maya calendar predict 2012 apocalypse?

With humanity coming up fast on 2012, publishers are helping readers gear up and count down to this mysterious -some even call it apocalyptic - date that ancient Mayan societies were anticipating thousands of years ago.

Since November, at least three new books on 2012 have arrived in mainstream bookstores. A fourth is due this fall. Each arrives in the wake of the 2006 success of 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, which has been selling thousands of copies a month since its release in May and counts more than 40,000 in print. The books also build on popular interest in the Maya, fueled in part by Mel Gibson's December 2006 film about Mayan civilization, Apocalpyto.

Authors disagree about what humankind should expect on Dec. 21, 2012, when the Maya's "Long Count" calendar marks the end of a 5,126-year era.

Magic Wand

Woman who stole gnomes faces jail

A woman who went out at night to steal garden gnomes is facing a jail sentence.

Karen Stenhouse, 37, crept into gardens within a 20-mile radius of her home and then sold the gnomes at car boot sales and street markets.

The mother-of-three was caught by an 11-day undercover operation that led police to a horde of garden ornaments, including 30 gnomes, complete with fishing rods and wheelbarrows.

Wolf

Dog Performs 'Heimlich' on Choking Owner

CALVERT, Md. - Toby, a 2-year-old golden retriever, saw his owner choking on a piece of fruit and began jumping up and down on the woman's chest. The dog's owner believes the dog was trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life.


Bomb

The fires of Hell are real and eternal, Pope warns

Hell is a place where sinners really do burn in an everlasting fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful, the Pope has said.

Addressing a parish gathering in a northern suburb of Rome, Benedict XVI said that in the modern world many people, including some believers, had forgotten that if they failed to "admit blame and promise to sin no more", they risked "eternal damnation - the Inferno".

Hell "really exists and is eternal, even if nobody talks about it much any more", he said.

The Pope, who as Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was head of Catholic doctrine, noted that "forgiveness of sins" for those who repent was a cornerstone of Christian belief. He recalled that Jesus had forgiven the "woman taken in adultery" and prevented her from being stoned to death, observing: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."