Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
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| The future's so bright, we gotta wear shades
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When Alexander Pope said, 'hope springs eternal in the human breast', he followed it with:
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
Unfortunately, most people never get past the first line. If they did, they would understand that Pope's message in this case was not exactly one of optimism, unless an optimist is someone who wins every argument with "hey, at least there's heaven!"
Neh. Neh. NEHHH!!!
That means "I'm hungry. I'm hungry. HEY, I'M HUNGRY!" in newborn.
That's according to Priscilla Dunstan, a woman who believes she's cracked the code of infants up to 3 months old.
Dunstan, an Australian mom who recently described her findings on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," has come up with a five-word blueprint for what the world's little tykes are trying to tell their folks. Her theory is that all babies have the same physical needs - hunger, sleep, relief of discomfort, relief from gas - so their bodies produce the same sounds, or words, based on those needs.
For example, the "neh" sound is made when a baby positions its mouth to suck, with its tongue on the roof of its mouth - all babies eat the same way - and then starts its pre-cry noise.
LONDON - An international quest is being launched for historical heirs to the throne of England.
Advertisements appearing this week in British, U.S., Australian, German and Norwegian newspapers will ask "Can you trace your family tree back to 1066? Might your ancestors have claimed the English throne?"
BERLIN - A German retiree who wired up a high-voltage cable to try to wipe out the moles digging up his garden killed himself instead, police said Thursday.
BUCHAREST, Romania - The family that owns a Transylvanian castle famous for its connections to the 15th century medieval ruler who inspired "Dracula" said Wednesday it wants to sell the fortress to local authorities for $78 million.
Joel Stein
The AgeWed, 10 Jan 2007 00:07 UTC
DON'T email me. That address on the bottom of this column? That is the pathetic, confused death knell of the once-proud newspaper industry, and I want nothing to do with it.
On May 18 2003, officials overseeing an election in Schaerbeek, a suburb of Brussels, got a shock. An electronic vote-counting machine declared that 4,096 more people had cast their vote than the ballot slips testified. The machine had been thoroughly tested and deemed perfect. So what went wrong?
Comment: Oh, puh-leeeeeze!
Barbara Cole
iol.nzTue, 09 Jan 2007 08:33 UTC
Psychic Carole Peach, who foretells the future for other people "through a Red Indian guide", could not see it coming that she was about to become another crime statistic.
She had no forewarning that a mugger would reach through the open passenger window of her husband's car, punch her in the face and grab her bag containing two wallets, R2 500 in cash, bank cards, her telephone and ID books, two cellphones and her heart tablets.
FAYETTEVILLE, Ga. - A giant wild hog boasted to be bigger than the near-mythical "Hogzilla" caught in southern Georgia a few years ago has been killed in a suburban Atlanta neighborhood.
The hog hung snout down from a tree Friday in William Coursey's front yard, not far from where the avid hunter said he shot the beast. He said he hauled it to a truck weight station, which recorded the hairy hog at 1,100 pounds.
FERNDALE, Pa. - A western Pennsylvania man is trying to solve a mystery that recently landed in his mailbox: a letter mailed more than 50 years ago and addressed to a Frederick Zane Yost.
The letter, with a 3-cent stamp and postmarked Oct. 26, 1954, was encased in a large Postal Service window envelope. There is a return address - in nearby Richland Township - but no sender's name.
Comment: Oh, puh-leeeeeze!