Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Battery

Internet Billboard Reads: "Will Think for Money"


yesbutnobutyes.com
Tue, 15 May 2007 22:18 UTC
It's like voicevertising, but quieter.

A couple of years ago, we posted a link to Floyd's eBay auction, which offered his exclusive VoiceVertising services. The high bidder was Halls Fruit Breezers. Millions of PR impressions ensued (more or less).

Years later, a quieter, more reflective Floyd has emerged. And he's willing to train his thoughts on your brand.

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Light Sabers

Woman, Cops Exchange Pepper Spray Blasts


Associated Press
Tue, 15 May 2007 21:52 UTC
HOT SPRINGS, Ark. - A woman in Hot Springs has been arrested after she allegedly exchanged blasts of pepper spray with two police officers. Police said Lawanda Diane Clay, 38, produced a can of pepper spray when two officers were investigating a disturbance complaint Sunday.
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Wine

Paris Hilton Headed For Tent City Chain Gang?


Several
Tue, 15 May 2007 15:31 UTC
Heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, Paris Hilton, was recently ordered to 45 days in jail for violating her probation.

But because of some serious overcrowding in Los Angeles jails, she may not have to serve the complete sentence.

Comment: Boy that's good because we were getting a bit concerned that she might not get speshul treatment.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he's spoken to the chief of jails in Los Angeles and offered to house Hilton at Tent City.

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Bizarro Earth

C-section birth on giant screen


Ananova
Tue, 15 May 2007 12:44 UTC
A hospital screened footage of a baby being born by caesarian section on a giant screen at a shopping mall in China.

Anzhen Hospital, in Changsha city, broadcast the eight minute clip three times at the downtown Fashion Square mall.

"We wanted to do something special on Mother's Day. And we think broadcasting a C-section is a good idea," said a hospital spokesman.

"On the one hand it can remove the fear of future mothers, on the other hand we want people to see how great our own mothers are."
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Wine

Wisconsin festival sells deep-fried testicles


AP
Tue, 15 May 2007 06:28 UTC
Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried.

Wisconsinites have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too.
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Wine

15 ways to tell there won't be a second date

Bridgette Williams
QuickDFW.com
Mon, 14 May 2007 15:53 UTC
Sometimes we consult our circle of friends to see if the weird stuff that's happening to us on our dates is also happening to them. (We can't decide if it's sad or comforting to find out things are weird everywhere.)

One common experience is getting stuck in a date we know is going to be a beating. We agreed that sometimes you just know. It might be something he says when he picks you up, or something she does when you meet her at the restaurant. Whatever it is, it turns us off right away.
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Question

Woman with no sign of pregnancy gives birth to a baby boy


PTI
Tue, 08 May 2007 11:48 UTC
Baffling her husband and others, Sriyani (32), a woman without the normal signs and characteristics of pregnancy, has given birth to a baby in the bathroom of her house near here.
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Question

Cat survives 35 days in crate


Ananova
Mon, 14 May 2007 05:16 UTC
A cat trapped in a cargo crate without food or water has survived a 35-day sea voyage from China to the US.

The owner of a North Carolina shop was amazed to find the animal, weak but still alive, when he took delivery of a consignment of motorcycle helmets, reports the BBC.

It is thought the cat, now named China, chewed its way into a cardboard box which was then loaded into a crate on a ship that left Shanghai on April 3.

A local vet suggested cats coped well with shortages of food and water.

"Usually we say that animals can only survive a few weeks without food and only a few days without water," said Michelle Misavage.
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Bizarro Earth

Woman had bullet in head for 64 years


Ananova
Mon, 14 May 2007 05:11 UTC
A Chinese grandmother who went to hospital with a headache was found to have had a bullet in her head for 64 years.

Jin Guangying, 77, of Shuyang town, Jiangsu province, went to to Shuyang Leniency Hospital for an x-ray.

"We were surprised to learn there was a bullet inside her head," her son, Wang Zhengbang, told the Yangtse Evening Post.

Jin remembers that she was shot in 1943 during the Second World War by the invading Japanese army when she was taking supplies to her guerrilla father.

"I was 13, living along the railways in Xuzhou city. One afternoon in September, my mother asked me to take a meal to my father and his colleagues who were fighting the Japanese," she said.
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Bizarro Earth

President conducts his own exit to 'Stars and Stripes'


Associated Press
Mon, 14 May 2007 05:05 UTC
JoAnn Falletta was doing what a conductor should - concentrating on the orchestra in front of her. No wonder it took her a few seconds on Sunday to realize someone behind her was motioning for a try.

President Bush.


"Smiling at me kind of devilishly," Falletta said.

She gave him her baton and stepped aside.

Gesturing exuberantly, the president led the orchestra during part of its performance of "Stars and Stripes Forever."

"We didn't expect him to know the score so well," Falletta said afterward. "He was not shy about conducting at all. He conducted with a great deal of panache."

That was the music played for Bush's exit after his speech at a ceremony commemorating the founding 400 years ago of Jamestown, America's first permanent English settlement.

Comment: Shocking is an understatement.

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