Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Most in America flunk in religious knowledge

Quick: Name the four Gospels. How about the Ten Commandments? The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism? Seven Catholic sacraments? Hello? Anybody?

America purports to be a religious nation, yet what we know about religion is, well, sinful. In his new book, "Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know -- And Doesn't," Stephen Prothero, head of Boston University's religion department, says it's time to teach religion in America -- not devotion, but religion.

Penis Pump

Police arrest 'hugging bandit'

BUFFALO, N.Y.- The "Hugging Bandit" - the plus-size pickpocket who put the squeeze on tipsy men and their wallets in upstate New York - is behind bars, police said. Myra Castleberry, 48, was being held without bail and police hoped they had seen the last of a decade-long spree of thefts.


Tinky Winky says bye-bye to Jerry Falwell (Satire)

May 16, 2007 | Eight years ago the Rev. Jerry Falwell warned parents that BBC children's television star Tinky Winky was a hidden symbol of homosexuality. Falwell died Tuesday at 73, and the world wanted to talk to Tinky Winky.

"They're calling again, again, again," he said by phone from his home in Islington, in London. A spokesman said the former "Teletubbies" costar got more than 100 calls from reporters in the hour following news of Falwell's death.

"Oh dear, it's easy to say the wrong thing here," he said. "Tinky Winky sad whenever someone dies, but ..." He left it hanging there.


Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack (Satire)

PITTSBURGH - A zombie-preparedness study, commissioned by Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy and released Monday, indicates that the city could easily succumb to a devastating zombie attack. Insufficient emergency-management-personnel training and poorly conceived undead-defense measures have left the city at great risk for all-out destruction at the hands of the living dead, according to the Zombie Preparedness Institute.


Yard-sale find expected to yield $100,000

A rare Canadian landscape painting has gone from a table at an Ontario yard sale to attracting the attention of art connoisseurs across the country - and will go a long way toward the future education of an unborn child.

Lake Okanagan was painted during E.J. Hughes's prime period after a 1958 Canada Council-funded visit to the B.C. Interior. Paul Martin bought it for $200 six years ago.

A painting by British Columbia artist E. J. Hughes will come under the hammer next week at Heffel Fine Art Auction House, six years after an enterprising art collector found it at a rural yard sale.

The painting, originally purchased for $200 cash, is expected to fetch more than $100,000 at auction.

Magic Wand

Give 'Em Hell, Mr. Terkel

Studs Terkel, the great journalist, raconteur and listener, turns 95 this week. He was born in New York City on May 16, 1912, to a tailor and a seamstress. He says: "I was born in the year the Titanic sank. The Titanic went down, and I came up. That tells you a little about the fairness of life."


Crumbs! Lancashire chocolate thieves take Flakes

A lorry-load of Cadbury's Flake bars worth about £140,000 has been stolen.

Bizarro Earth

Happy to entertain. Look at the smile on his face



Internet Billboard Reads: "Will Think for Money"

It's like voicevertising, but quieter.

A couple of years ago, we posted a link to Floyd's eBay auction, which offered his exclusive VoiceVertising services. The high bidder was Halls Fruit Breezers. Millions of PR impressions ensued (more or less).

Years later, a quieter, more reflective Floyd has emerged. And he's willing to train his thoughts on your brand.

Light Sabers

Woman, Cops Exchange Pepper Spray Blasts

HOT SPRINGS, Ark. - A woman in Hot Springs has been arrested after she allegedly exchanged blasts of pepper spray with two police officers. Police said Lawanda Diane Clay, 38, produced a can of pepper spray when two officers were investigating a disturbance complaint Sunday.