Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


USA

Pastor with 666 tattoo claims to be divine

The minister has the number 666 tattooed on his arm.

But Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda is not your typical minister. De Jesus, or "Daddy" as his thousands of followers call him, does not merely pray to God: He says he is God.

"The spirit that is in me is the same spirit that was in Jesus of Nazareth," de Jesus says.

Penis Pump

Canada Seeks Man With Groin-Kick Request

GUELPH, Ontario - Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin.

Bizarro Earth

Is tale of a boy killing a giant boar just a load of hogwash?

An 11-year-old Alabama boy hunter has killed a wild hog so large there is widespread speculation that the story, and its accompanying picture, could be a hoax. The boar, after all, apparently measured 9ft 4 in (2m 74cm) from snout to tail and weighed a staggering 75st (476kg), with hams "as big as car tyres".

The animal thus dwarfs "Hogzilla", the famed wild boar killed in south Georgia in 2004, which is now the subject of forthcoming, and assuredly bloodcurdling film. Hogzilla was a mere 8 feet long. The story of the slaying of the Alabama hog, takes a bit of swallowing, as will the hundreds - of thousands - of sausages its killer's father says are now being made from it.

It all began in east Alabama on 3 May, when Jamison Stone, his father, Mike, and two guides went hunting. Jamison, who killed his first deer at age five, said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50-calibre revolver, and then chased it for three hours through hilly woods, finishing it off with a point-blank shot.

Sheeple

They'll be singing the Blues - Hillary's search for a theme song

Hillary Clinton has asked her suppoorters to select a theme song for her presicential campaign. The choice doesn't matter; they'll be singing the Blues.

Heart

Mid-flight drama ends in airborne birth

"We tied the rope (umbilical cord) with some rope from somewhere, we cut it with something - I don't know what it was because you're not allowed knives and things on aeroplanes any more," he said.

Light Saber

Infestation of mites found in man's ear

A New Zealand man is now sleeping peacefully after years of living with an infestation of mites in his ear finally came to an end.

Paul Balvert's "noisy nightmare" went undiagnosed for two years before it was discovered by a nurse at a specialist clinic.

"For years I had no idea what was wrong," a relieved Mr Balvert told the New Zealand Herald.

UFO

Line up for an alien abduction

ROSWELL, New Mexico - Businesses here have been cashing in on the UFO craze for years -- paintings and replicas of unidentified flying objects and space aliens adorn downtown buildings, and even the McDonald's and Wal-Mart are UFO- and space-themed.

Bizarro Earth

Oh My What a World! - At last, invisible knickers make appearance, fashion police on alert

Having a Visible Panty Line, or VPL, is widely regarded as one of the most serious crimes a woman can commit against fashion.

The mere suggestion that someone might be able to see the shape of your knickers through tight clothing is enough to get you arrested by the style police.

Rocket

Second astronaut fired in NASA love triangle fallout

The U.S. space agency has dismissed the male astronaut involved in a love triangle that led to a bizarre confrontation between a female astronaut and another woman in a Florida airport, a spokesman said on Friday.

USA

Boy, 11, kills Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'

Alabama - Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9 feet 4, from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

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