Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Bizarro Earth

Swiss inmates slip away


Ananova
Mon, 03 Sep 2007 12:57 UTC
Four convicts escaped from a Swiss jail after an inmate lathered himself in soap and squeezed through the food hatch in his cell door.

Skinny Bert Bruegger, 20, stripped naked and rubbed soap all over his body to squeeze through the hole.
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Bizarro Earth

South Africa: Thieves pub crawl with corpse in hearse.

Mfundekelwa Mkhulisi
Sowetan
Mon, 03 Sep 2007 10:49 UTC
Two men stole a hearse with a corpse in it and hopped from shebeen to shebeen in Soweto on a drinking spree at the weekend.

They were caught after the vehicle ran out of petrol in the early hours of yesterday morning. They got stuck in Freedom Park informal settlement, near Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital, at about 3am.

The already drunk men went into a shebeen where they met three women. They asked the women to help push the car to the nearest petrol station.

They told the women the corpse in the coffin belonged to a relative and that they were on their way to bury it at Avalon Cemetery.
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Sheeple

Was Jesus given a fair trial, Kenyan court to hear case


Reuters
Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:11 UTC
Did Pontius Pilate commit a human rights abuse when he ordered the crucifixion of Jesus Christ more than 2,000 years ago?

That is the question facing Kenya's High Court.

A case filed by a group called "Friends of Jesus" calls on the court to interpret the Law of Moses to determine whether Jesus received a fair trial for blasphemy.
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Evil Rays

Pushing The Emotional Buttons! Secondhand Smoke Is A Health Threat To Pets


Science Daily
Mon, 03 Sep 2007 09:16 UTC
It has been in the news for years about how secondhand smoke is a health threat to nonsmokers. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention indicates that secondhand smoke is attributed with killing thousands of adult nonsmokers annually.

If smoking is that harmful to human beings, it would make sense that secondhand smoke would have an adverse effect on pets that live in the homes of smokers, said Dr. Carolynn MacAllister, Oklahoma State University Cooperative Extension Service veterinarian.

Comment: On the other hand, read "Let's All Light Up!"

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Smiley

Malaysian taxi drivers issued dress code


AP
Mon, 03 Sep 2007 03:25 UTC
Authorities are warning taxi drivers of hefty fines if they are caught without socks, shoes and the other proper attire prescribed by a licensing board, an official said Monday.

The dress code requires taxi drivers to tuck in their shirts - which have to be white, not the beige that many have been wearing.
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Ark

Scientist Call for Earth 'Backup' on Moon


Spiegel
Wed, 29 Aug 2007 04:50 UTC
Scientists hope to put a library of human civilization on the moon in case of a cataclysmic, civilization-annihilating event. It would protect against the wholesale loss of human achievement.

©NASA
Lunar outpost or archive for humanity?

Comment: Worry not! In case we humans perish, our "achievements" will be safe!

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Crusader

Priest offers green confessions

Ruth Gledhill
Times of London
Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:45 UTC
Forgotten to recycle any newspapers or tin cans recently? Feeling guilty because you neglected to carbon offset your flight to somewhere, anywhere, outside England this summer?
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Smiley

'Virgin chicken' off the menu in Beijing


AP
Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:47 UTC
Hungry visitors to next summer's Beijing Olympics won't have to choose between "steamed crap" and "virgin chicken" if Chinese authorities succeed in ridding restaurant menus of mangled English translations.

The Beijing Tourism Bureau has released a list with 2,753 proposed names for dishes and drinks, designed to replace bizarre and sometimes ridiculous translations on menus, the official Xinhua News Agency reported Friday.
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Bizarro Earth

Patient loses top of his head to faulty fridge


Reuters
Thu, 30 Aug 2007 08:16 UTC
A German court has awarded 3,000 euros ($4,100) in damages to a man who had to have the top of his skull replaced with plastic because of a faulty hospital fridge.

Doctors removed the top of the man's head and put it in cold storage while they operated on his brain, the court in the western city of Koblenz said Tuesday.
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Smiley

Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car

Satire
The ONION
Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:40 UTC
WASHINGTON, DC - A confused President Bush broke free from the restraint of Secret Service agents and ran in pursuit of departing deputy chief of staff Karl Rove's car for several blocks down Pennsylvania Avenue before being outdistanced by the vehicle.

©The ONION
Bush sits in disbelief as his longtime buddy disappears forever and ever and ever.
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