Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Bizarro Earth

Fla. teen hiccuping for over 3 weeks

Jennifer Mee can't stop hiccuping. For more than three weeks now, the 15-year-old St. Petersburg teen has hiccuped close to 50 times a minute - despite the best efforts of doctors and home remedies.

She's had blood tests, a CT scan and an MRI. Drugs haven't worked. Neither has holding her breath, putting sugar under her tongue, sipping pickle juice, breathing into a paper bag and drinking out of the wrong side of a glass.

And, yes, people have tried to scare them out of her.

The hiccups do stop when she's sleeping.

Eagle

Skittering squirrel forces plane to land

An American Airlines flight made an unscheduled landing in Honolulu after pilots heard something skittering about in the wire-laden space over the cockpit. The airline blamed the emergency landing of the Tokyo-Dallas flight with 202 passengers on a stowaway squirrel.

"You do not want a varmint up in the wiring areas and what-have-you on an airplane. You don't want anything up there," said John Hotard, spokesman for the Ft. Worth, Texas-based airline. He said pilots feared the animal would chewed through wiring or cause other problems.

"So, as a precaution, we diverted," Hotard said.

Once on the ground late Friday, the Boeing 777's human passengers were put up in hotel rooms and later rebooked on other flights.

Bomb

Happy Valentine's Day From the Bush Administration

Have a heart!

Document

Professor keeps account of every film, cigarette, drink consumed

21,098 packs of cigarettes. 21,194 bottles of soju. 227,423 pages of manuscript papers. A life of 70 years can thus be broken down into its component parts.

Kim An-je, 70, a chair-holding professor at Dankook University, has published a book marking his 70th year. His 2,700-page book contains nearly 360 items of his personal data. Over his long career, Kim has written 25 books and 780 research papers, and until August 2004 served as the chief of the presidential office's commission on the relocation of Korea's administrative capital. According to his records, he has taught 18,327 students.

Recycle

Chinese villagers confused over county's decision to paint mountain green

Villagers in southwestern China are scratching their heads over the county government's decision to paint an entire barren mountainside green.

Workers who began spraying Laoshou mountain last August told villagers they were doing so on orders of the county government but were not told why, media reports said Wednesday. Some villagers guessed officials of the surrounding Fumin county, whose office building faces the mountain, were trying to change the area's feng shui - the ancient Chinese belief of harmonizing one's physical environment for maximum health and financial benefit.

Bomb

Archaeologists won't separate prehistoric couple unearthed in eternal embrace

Italy's recently discovered prehistoric couple will continue their 5,000-year-old embrace undisturbed through Valentine's Day and beyond.

The two skeletons unearthed last week will be scooped out of the earth together to undergo tests before going on display in the northern Italian city of Mantua, archaeologists said Tuesday.

Star

Fastest chippy in the west

An Edinburgh chip shop owner has bagged a world record after wrapping ten portions of chips in a minute.

Wine

Mona Lisa sparks strike

Guards at the Louvre in Paris are to strike for more pay because of the stress of looking after Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa.

The security guards have voted for industrial action in support of their claim for an extra £100 a month.

Crusader

California Pastor Stole the Whole Church

RIPON, Calif. - For nearly a decade, members of Ripon's First Congregational Church bared their souls to Pastor Randall Radic. But clearly it didn't work both ways. There were certain things he wasn't telling them.

Crusader

Religious TV channel on carpet

A religious television channel that has encouraged viewers to liquidate their retirement savings and charge up credit cards to make donations in the name of God may learn on Monday whether it answers to Canada's broadcast regulator as a higher power.

Comment: The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt use all means of coercion, deception and manipulation to fleece your elderly flock out of their life savings, so that like Jesus, they can die penniless and alone.