Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Cult

Paranoid? Don't Worry; It's All Under Control

Have you seen the latest issue of Paranoia magazine?

No? Well, that's not surprising, is it? There's a very good reason why you haven't seen it: They don't want you to see it. They know that Paranoia exposes them and their secret conspiracies to control every aspect of human life.

Smiley

A motorbike that will beat the traffic

Bikers tired of sharing the highway with inconsiderate motorists could have the ultimate revenge after an ex-stuntman put together a bike that will leave drivers in no doubt who is king of the road.

Ray Baumann spent three years building the 13.6 tonne Monster Motorbike
©Solent News
Boys and their toys

Beer

Briton jailed for urinating on Latvian monument

A British man was sentenced to five days' detention on Tuesday for urinating on one of Latvia's most treasured monuments.

A court official said the Briton, who denied the charges, would serve his detention in a police cell after being found guilty of urinating on the Freedom Monument.

Smiley

Swiss police say found 2 stolen Zurich artworks

ZURICH - Swiss police have found two of the four oil paintings by 19th Century masters, which were stolen from a Zurich museum earlier this month in one of Europe's biggest art thefts, they said on Tuesday.

The two paintings, by van Gogh and Monet, were found on Monday in a car parked outside a Zurich psychiatric hospital, police said and have an estimated value of 70 million Swiss francs ($64 million).

Key

Poland: Green Light for Boy Racers

Polish boy racers have been given the green light to speed through city streets by the police.

Stop

Non-stop job of painting Forth Bridge to end

An end is finally in sight to the famously "never-ending" job of painting the Forth Rail Bridge.

Forth Rail Bridge
©Unknown
The 8,300ft bridge is made of 51,000 tonnes of steelwork and was completed in 1890.

Extinguisher

Satire: Alistair Darling sets fire to huge pile of money



Bonfire
©The Daily Mash
Londoners gathered around the blazing fortune

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night carried out his threat to pile up £100 billion of taxpayers' money and then set fire to it.

Mr Darling has been steadily increasing the mound outside the Treasury since last September, as City analysts debated whether he would torch it or use it to buy Sir Richard Branson a new balloon.

Pistol

Your Tacos or Your Life!

Fontana, Calif. - A hunger for carnitas nearly led to some carnage after a Fontana man was robbed of a bag of tacos at gunpoint. Police Sergeant Jeff Decker said the 35-year-old victim had just bought about $20 in tacos from a street-corner stand Sunday night and was bicycling home when the suspect confronted him and said "Give me your tacos."

Sheeple

Church Urges Hanky Panky Among Members

Ybor City, Fla. - A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members this past Sunday: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth says the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge.

Question

Czech police investigate railway bridge theft

Police in the western Czech border town of Cheb have launched an investigation into the theft of a four-tonne railway bridge.

"We are not sure if it was taken for personal use or for its scrap value," police spokeswoman Martina Hruskova told AFP. "It is the first time we have dealt with this type of theft."

Image
©Unknown
A railway bridge missing after being destroyed by the floods