Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Satire Opinion: Like Hell I'm Going To Let Some Black President Help Me Pay For Dialysis

Dan Laird
The Onion
Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:00 UTC
Dan Laird
© The OnionDan Laird
I take pride in who I am. Always have, always will. I've worked hard my whole life and have never taken anyone's charity, and I'm not about to start now, no matter what. I'm telling you, there's no way I'm going to sit back and let some black president of the United States try to devise a structure to help me pay for the dialysis treatment I so desperately need to survive.

Not over my dead body.

Just who does this Afro-American occupant of the highest office in the land think he is, anyway? Look, I've got nothing against black people, but some of them act like the whole world owes them something. For example, important government subsidies on my dialysis.
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People

Fox's Fuzzy Math: 193 Percent Of The Public Support Palin, Huckabee, and Romney


ThinkProgress.com
Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:54 UTC
Reporting on the latest Fox News/Opinion Dynamics poll last night on Fox News' local Chicago affiliate, anchor Byron Harlan employed some funny math in asserting that Sarah Palin is leading the pack for the GOP nomination in 2012:
HARLAN: It looks as if the rogue route is helping Sarah Palin. Her book tour has meant new support. A new Opinion Dynamics poll for 2012 shows her on top when it comes to landing the nomination. Palin is at 70 percent, about a third higher than this past July. Mike Huckabee stands at 63 percent. Mitt Romney's 60.
Those figures add up to 193 percent.
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Oscar

Kseniya Simonova - Sand Animation - Ukraine's Got Talent

anarchistica
YouTube
Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:38 UTC
Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who recently won the "Ukraine's Got Talent" competition. She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination and "sand painting" skills to interpret the invasion and occupation of her country from 1941-1945.

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Igloo

Utah: Man Happy with Simple Life in Cave


United Press International
Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:00 UTC
A 48-year-old man who has not used money in nine years and resides in a desert cave in Moab, Utah, said he loves his simple existence.

Daniel Suelo said while he shops for clothes by going through garbage, he is content with living an existence where he does not have to worry about a job, mortgage or other concerns that plague most U.S. residents, The Denver Post reported Sunday.

"The understanding that, really, we all possess nothing is the cornerstone of all spiritual endeavors and religions," Suelo said.

A former Peace Corps volunteer, Suelo said he also will not barter for food or rent because he considers bartering another form of currency.
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Popcorn

Indonesian Ulema Council Urges Muslims Not to Watch 2012

Wahyoe Boediwardhana
The Jakarta Post
Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:31 UTC
Image
© Sony Pictures
A chapter of the Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI), the highest Muslim authority, called on all Muslims Monday to not watch 2012, saying that the Hollywood movie was misleading and against Islamic belief.

Mahmud Zubaidi, head of the East Java's Malang regency chapter of MUI, told reporters that the movie was inappropriate, especially for the Muslims, who should believe that no one but Allah knows when doomsday will come. He warned that the film could give people the wrong idea about doomsday.

Produced by Sony Pictures, Roland Emmerich's 2012 is a new movie about the Mayan doomsday starring John Cusack.

Mahmud said that Muslims should not believe the ancient Mayan prediction and the description about doomsday in the movie.
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Smiley

Billy Carter Gas Station Historic?

Richard Fausset
Chicago Tribune
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:00 UTC
Image
© Jerry Battle Photo
Plan is afoot to memorialize his gas station

In the age of the $787 billion stimulus package, it is, perhaps, a modest question:
Should American taxpayers foot the bill to enshrine the gas station run by the late Billy Carter -- the beer-swilling, wisecracking, self-professed redneck brother of the 39th president?
Located in tiny Plains, still the world's most famous peanut town some 28 years after the Carter presidency, the station was transformed into a museum last year by a civic group that owns the property.

Its claim to historical significance came during Jimmy Carter's 1976 presidential run, when reporters mobbed Plains and transformed the station into an unofficial headquarters.

It became the setting for story after story about Billy Carter and his down-home manners and epigrammatic wit (for example: "Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink -- especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is").
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Cult

Tom & Jerry Illuminati Pyramid & Satan Worship?

FarhanK501
YouTube
Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:36 UTC
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Smiley

Satire: Heroin Addicts Pressure President To Stay Course In Afghanistan


The Onion
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:28 UTC
Los Angeles - As the White House considers sweeping strategic shifts in the war in Afghanistan, heroin addicts across the nation called on President Obama Monday to stick with the current U.S. policy, which has flooded the world market with low-price narcotics.
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Smiley

Illinois: Rogue Elf Decorates Family's Apartment

Kristen Zambo
The Daily Journal
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:50 UTC
It's a scenario of some residents' dreams: After returning home from a weekend getaway they find that someone has decorated their place for the holidays.

But it wasn't a dream for a Herscher family who came home to that very situation Monday, and police now are investigating the case as a crime.

The woman and her children left their apartment after 1 p.m. Saturday in the 600 block of East Second Street, and when they returned Monday morning they found a host of holiday decorations and lights had been put up, Herscher Police Chief Rick Gilbert said Tuesday.
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Palette

Herman Van Rompuy's Greatest Hits

Iain Martin
The Wall Street Journal
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:16 UTC
For the Wall Street Journal Europe I've written an analysis of the election race (can we call it that?) for the post of president of the European council. The man leading the way according to bookmakers is Prime Minister Herman Van Rompuy of Belgium. It has been widely reported that in his spare time he likes to write poetry, or compose haikus. Herman has been derided widely for this but I think it's unfair. They're rather good.

Here are the two best in case you missed them:
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