OF THE
TIMES
Tuesday the 5th —At publishing time, Duncan was last seen looking at local churches on the internet, unfortunately, he only plans to signal his attendance by joining the virtual service.
The seven virtues are prudence, justice, temperance, fortitude, faith, hope, and charity. I'm not a dumb xian so I can cut out faith I guess, but I stand by the others — even prudence, which I had to look up in the dictionary. Justice and temperance seem at odds with each other, however. How am I supposed to be temperate while punching literal Nazis? Is that not justice?
Wednesday the 6th —
Learning prudence has saved me a lot of trouble. Apparently not everyone is a Nazi. I thought they were. My bad.
Thursday the 7th —
The more I think about fortitude the more I realize I'm a coward.
Friday the 8th —
I am morally bankrupt. Oh no, did I just teach myself about the reality of sin? God, save me! Crap, is there a church I can go to anywhere?
"This was not, in any way, done to affect Donald Trump's ability to campaign during the crucial period of state primary voting. There is also no truth to the rumors that we did an extensive investigation into what date would be most ideal to harm Trump's campaign or cast him in a questionable light in the eyes of voters. Nope. Not at all. That would be election interference, and we do not do that. That's illegal."President Trump did not accept the DOJ's claims of impartiality. "BOGUS TRIAL DATE!" he said in a post to his Truth Social account. "Another move by our CORRUPT Justice Department to try to hurt me in the primaries. Even if I'm sitting in a courtroom, I will SWEEP the primaries, something nobody ever thought possible, but it is with me. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"