Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Bizarro Earth

Huh?! Alien UFO Detector Strap: Dating Necessity

Scenario: You meet Jim. He is sweet, kind and most importantly, easy to talk to. It's as if you've known him your whole life. And hugging him, no matter where you may be, feels like home.

Life Preserver

High Speed Message In A Bottle

A six-year-old girl has caused a conundrum of global proportions after her attempts to send a message in a bottle to Norway ended up in New Zealand.

Life Preserver

Suitcase Sent to Africa Washed up on Beach Two Miles from Where it started

When Marilyne Simony sent a suitcase of her boyfriend's photographs, books and clothes to South Africa, she never expected to see it again. But after travelling more than 1,000 miles by sea, the suitcase was washed up on Branscombe beach in Devon, less than two miles from where it started its journey.

Ms Simony, 27, only realised that all her belongings had been on the MSC Napoli that ran aground nine days ago when she saw a framed photograph of herself with her arms around Kobus Pretorius, 20, pictured in the local newspaper as an example of wreckage.

Comment: Apparently, following the publicity of the above article, the men who had taken Mr. Pretorius's possessions had a pang of conscience and returned them.


Battery

Suicide squirrels driving utilities nuts

Every year, Neil Engelman carefully collects his data, stands before his company's board of directors and is asked the same question: What caused more outages? The lightning or the squirrels?

Bizarro Earth

Woman reports stolen cannabis to police

New Zealand - A middle-aged New Zealand woman rang police to report a theft of cannabis plants she had been growing at her North Island home, local media reported.

The crying woman told a constable at the police station in the city of Napier the plant theft was the fourth from her property in as many years. The 45-year-old woman, who was not named, lamented someone had again sneaked on to her property at night to steal her three carefully nurtured marijuana plants.

"I am a good person. I am sick of these low-lifes stealing my things," the woman told a police communications officer.

Health

Prisoners may give up kidney to spend less time doing porridge

Early release from jail in the US used to be obtained either by impressing a parole officer with good behaviour or digging a hole, following the example of Clint Eastwood in Escape from Alcatraz.

Now there may be a third option: donating a body part.

A state senate panel in South Carolina has created an organ-and-tissue donation programme for inmates and called in lawyers to discuss a more radical proposal that would reduce the sentence of prisoners that are willing to give up their kidneys to transplant patients.

It has been suggested that a kidney donation could wipe up to six months off a jail sentence. Similar incentives could be given in return for bone marrow or parts of the pancreas, lung, liver or intestine. The US faces a chronic organ shortage, with 95,300 patients waiting for organ transplants and 6,700 dying each year as a result of not receiving them in time.

Book

Voting opens on oddest book title of the year

Industry magazine The Bookseller has opened voting for the oddest book title of the year, some of which suggest that nothing is stranger than non-fiction.

Readers of the magazine's website www.thebookseller.com are being invited to vote on a shortlist of six non-fiction books in its annual Diagram Prize for the Oddest Title of the Year.

The nominations are made by publishers, booksellers and librarians from around the world.

The nominees are:

Question

WikiCult™ in full swing

We found this little piece of writing on The Register and thought we would share it with all the faithful Sitizens1 pouring through our doors. We are pretty sure a FOX special "When bureaucratic net-nerds attack" is soon to be featured as the death nell for the charismatic Wikicult™ leader Jimmy "Jimbo™" Wales.

Question

Meat-loving calf eats chickens

KOLKATA, India - When dozens of chickens went missing from a remote West Bengal village, everyone blamed the neighborhood dogs.

But Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, eventually solved the puzzle when he caught his cow -- a sacred animal for the Hindu family -- gobbling up several of them at night.

Light Saber

Enfield poltergeist lives again

UNITED KINGDOM. It is 30 years since the "Enfield poltergeist" hit the headlines, but it is still an event that haunts those who experienced it. As well as the Hodgson family, who were at the centre of this paranormal outbreak in their north London home, witnesses included police officers, journalists and a photographer, a physicist, and two of the Society for Psychical Research's leading investigators.