Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

The Speedos that could be just a bit too speedy

A revolutionary bodysuit that British swimmers hope will help them power to medals at the Beijing Olympics could be banned.

The skintight Speedo LZR Racer costume, which was developed with help from NASA scientists, has been worn in 16 world record-breaking swims in just six weeks since its launch, and now swimmers are clamouring to try it.

But the sport's governing body is worried that, because it apparently helps swimmers go faster, wearing it could constitute cheating.

Recycle

Whirlwind Romance Is Finished by Text

A supermarket worker who took advantage of the Leap Year to propose to her boyfriend on February 29 is back on the shelf.

Mail

US: Mystery WWII Letter Found In New Pants

A mystery surrounds a long-lost love letter sent from a soldier serving in World War II to his wife in Massachusetts.

The mystery is where that letter ended up.

It was found recently in a Tennessee shopping mall, inside the pocket of a new pair of pre-washed pants, which were made in China.

Briefcase

Satire? US Accidentally Ships Missile Parts to Taiwan, Accidentally Ships Back Money

Last week the Pentagon discovered a mistake that took place 2 years ago involving a shipment of fuses for intercontinental ballistic missiles to Taiwan. News came of this just minutes after relations between China and Taiwan became heated.

Wall Street

Man flees home half naked to evade mouse

Berlin - A man in Germany fled his home half naked for cold, snow-swept streets to escape a mouse in his living room, authorities said on Thursday.

"He said there was nothing he was more afraid of," police in Goettingen said in a statement.

Image
©izaspie
Sott editor's conceptualization of mouse-like behavior that caused such a fright.

Bizarro Earth

India: Puzzled pilot refuses to land at new airport

An airline pilot took his passengers on a 1,200-mile detour after refusing to land at a new airport in the southern Indian city of Hyderabad, claiming he had never heard of it.

With 233 passengers on board, the KLM pilot diverted the flight from Amsterdam northwards from Hyderabad to New Delhi, was denied permission to land, and finally arrived in Bombay two hours later.

Nuke

US: Radioactive cat mistaken for bomb

A US driver was stopped on suspicion of being a terrorist after his radioactive cat was mistaken for a bomb.

Anti-terror cops using specialist radiation detectors on motorway traffic flagged down the man.

But a search of his car revealed only his cat who had undergone radiotherapy for cancer three days earlier.

Deputy chief border agent Joe Giuliano revealed details of the incident to a meeting of San Juan Islanders, reports the Seattle Times.

Smiley

China: Plan a bank raid - students told

Secretarial students at a Chinese university are being asked to plan a bank robbery for an assignment.

They have to work out how to rob a bank with a team of six within seven minutes, reports Information Times.

The students are all majoring in secretarial studies at Guangdong University of Foreign Studies.

They have to come up with a robbery action plan for a team comprising a leader, a lock breaker, a driver, two robbers and a gunman.

Ladybug

Nicolas Sarkozy, his mother and the Queen

Oh, to be a fly on those royal walls later this week when Madame Sarkozy is expected to meet the Queen. I do not mean the ghastly Carla Bruni-Sarkozy - whose idea of regal entertainment is, no doubt, to sing her folk songs while winking seductively at the Duke of Edinburgh - but Andrée, Mme Sarkozy Snr, the 82-year-old First Maman, diminutive defender of her large-eared son and the most belligerent belle-mère in France.

sarkozy and mother
©Unknown
French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his mother

Bomb

Planet X keeps a lot of survivalists busy with theories of destruction and chaos.

BRISBANE, Australia - Village medicine men used to keep the tribe under control with threats of drawing on the Gods to cause mayhem to trouble makers.

Religion does a good job of keeping that trend alive: "sin and you will go to hell"

Fast forward 2008 years and you have people predicting that Planet X will arrive in 2012 and pass through our solar system before arching off on it's timeless odyssey around the Milky Way Galaxy.

Comment: Notice how the Niburians have morphed the theory. On the site linked to in the article, they write:

"Nibiru is in fact a dark star, about half the size of our Sun. It has a number of large planets and moons orbiting around it, one of which is Planet X."

Read the series "Comets and Catastrophe" in the sidebar for the real story.