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Wed, 20 Mar 2019
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Pennsylvanians in shock as Punxsutawney Phil is arrested for fraud

Punxsutawney Phil
Western Pennsylvania was in shock today, in addition to being snowbound, after news leaked that Punxsutawney Phil has been arrested for fraud. This follows a lengthy investigation during which it emerged that he deliberately predicted an early summer despite knowing winter was far from over in order to manipulate betting markets. He did not act alone, but in concert with criminal elements out of Ohio who placed huge long-odds wagers on an early summer prediction.

To his credit, local residents say Phil had resisted such pressures for years, carrying out his predictions in a faithful manner despite the promise of huge payoffs if he were to fix the result. Sadly it appears he finally gave in to temptation and deliberately predicted an early summer when he knew almost for a fact that bitterly cold temperatures would still be arriving well into April and beyond.

Magic Wand

'Salah's my favorite player, he's polite & good-tempered' - 7yo Iranian viral sensation on football hero

Mohamad Taha Pourhosseini football soccer prodigy
© Ruptly
Mohamad Taha Pourhosseini
The Iranian youngster who became a worldwide viral sensation when he was filmed perfectly recreating a Pepsi ad featuring Mohamed Salah has spoken about his love for his footballing hero.

Mohamad Taha Pourhosseini, 7, made headlines around the globe when footage swept social media showing him volleying a football through a tire from several meters away.

The football-mad youngster was recreating a scene from a recent Pepsi ad which shows star Liverpool forward Mo Salah trading tricks with Barcelona great Lionel Messi, including pulling off the striking feat of skill and accuracy with the tire.

Pourhosseini has now been tracked down to the city of Shiraz in Iran, where he spoke more about his love of the game and showed off his impressive array of tricks in a video from RT's Ruptly agency.

Attention

Neo-Nazi group's new leader is a black man who vows to dissolve it

James Stern
© Rogelio V. Solis / AP file
James Stern of Jackson, Miss., at a news conference in Jackson, Miss. on June 14, 2012. One of the largest and oldest neo-Nazi groups in the U.S. appears to have an unlikely new leader: Stern, a black activist who has vowed to dismantle it.
One of the nation's largest neo-Nazi groups appears to have an unlikely new leader: a black activist who has vowed to dismantle it.

Court documents filed Thursday suggest James Hart Stern wants to use his new position as director and president of the National Socialist Movement to undermine the Detroit-based group's defense against a lawsuit.

The NSM is one of several extremist groups sued over bloodshed at a 2017 white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. Stern's filing asks a federal court in Virginia to issue a judgment against the group before one of the lawsuits goes to trial.

Smiley

After impactful Gillette ad released toxic masculinity drops to all time low

gillette ad toxic masculinity
© Gillette
On January 13th, Gillette released an ad that tackled the very real problem of toxic masculinity. NPC Daily has interviewed hundreds of people who shared their solutions to such a detrimental affliction - many of which involving things from mandatory hormone treatment of young boys to mandatory gender transformation surgery and procedures.

Though these are all fantastic ideas, none of them have taken the reins of the fight against toxic masculinity quite like Gillette did two days ago. With their "We Believe: The Best Men Can Be | Gillette (Short Film)" release, Gillette urged men to look out for signs of toxic masculinity in ways that have put a complete halt on the epidemic.

This is profound. Two days ago, the country was overrun by harassment, sexual assault, rape, physical assault, murder and crime but since that ad has been released, it has slowed down to a crawl. We interviewed a formerly toxic male and got his perspective after seeing the ad.

Smiley

Leave lying to professionals warns press secretary

Sarah Huckabee
© Carolyn Kaster / AP / Shutterstock
Washington - As he prepared to testify to Congress on Wednesday, the former Trump lawyer Michael D. Cohen received a thorough scolding from the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who warned Cohen to "leave lying to the professionals."

"You probably think you can step up to the microphone and lie like it's the easiest thing in the world," she said. "Well, you should try doing it each and every day, and then tell me how easy it is."

Smiley

Thousands of paedophiles arrive at Vatican for sex abuse conference

Vatican
© Waterford Whispers News
APOLOGISING profusely for the mix up, the Catholic Church was forced to turn thousands of sheepish paedophiles away from the entrance of the Vatican after they arrived to attend a Vatican sex abuse conference.

"In hindsight, we see why they bought tickets," Vatican spokesperson Father Gio Padre said while gently chuckling, "if I was a paedophile and I heard the Vatican was hosting a 'sex abuse conference' and had invited 190 leaders of religious orders, I'd see why they'd think this was an opportunity to learn, to get a few pointers and the like".

In fact the conference was convened by Pope Francis in a bid to provide the Vatican with its bi-weekly good PR when it comes to safeguarding children and learning from the mistakes of the past which were made on purpose.

Doberman

Russian traffic policeman adored by social media as he helps a limping dog cross the street

Dog crossing street
Even the most hardened and cynical internet users seem to have been touched by this viral video of a Russian policeman helping a limping dog through the traffic.

Dashcam videos typically capture scenes of brutal violence or spine-chilling accidents, but this particular one excels at triggering positive emotions, at least according to Russian YouTubers.

Footage that emerged online on Tuesday shows a stray dog standing on the side of the road in Chelyabinsk, Russia (1,783km east of Moscow) waiting for the chance to cross the street - somewhat desperately as cars continuously go by. The animal's sorrowful anticipation grabbed the attention of a local traffic policeman, who left his car and stopped the traffic for the dog.

Smiley

US liberals devastated after finding out hate crime didn't actually happen

smollet
The nation's liberals were struck by a devastating blow this week after finding out a hate crime, reported by Empire actor Jussie Smollet, didn't actually happen.

"I needed this to be true," said liberal columnist Hanna Spalding. "When I first heard the news of this attack, I was filled with so much hope. I felt so validated. Then that was taken away. Now I just want to cry into my pillow."

The attack had been called "a modern-day lynching" by democratic presidential candidate Cory Booker but after Chicago police reported that the "trajectory of the investigation" into Smollet's story had shifted, Smollet was stripped of his victim status. Booker became irate, phoning the Chicago police chief and shouting repeatedly, "Check it again! CHECK IT AGAIN!"

Smiley

The 'Green New Deal' carbon footprint reaches dangerous levels as reprints mounts

Green New Deal
© Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C.-The carbon footprint of the Green New Deal has already reached dangerous levels as congressional staffers have been forced to furiously reprint revisions of the document around the clock since the proposal's unveiling.

As Fox News' Tucker Carlson began reading the 192nd draft of the Green New Deal live on air, Ocasio-Cortez began shouting to her aides, "All right Comrades! We need to get cracking on version 193.01c-LET'S GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!!!"

Apparently, the 192nd draft mistakenly mentioned Democrat's passion-project "Operation RoundUp", a bill which would round up and all white males for deportation-- right after they finish pulling the Nation's weeds.

The congressional office has been producing so many re-writes of the bill, their computers, shredders, and printers were overheating from overuse.

Attention

Intruder sneaks into abandoned house to smoke pot...finds a tiger!

tiger cage Houston
A male tiger found Monday at an abandoned southeast Houston home was transported to its new home Tuesday.

Employees showed up to the BARC shelter at 8:30 a.m. Tuesday and loaded the tiger, which was in his original cage, into another trailer and a veterinarian did a visual examination before they left.

The tiger was peaceful and calm waiting in its cage Tuesday morning and appeared to be in good shape.

BARC said word of the tiger's discovery spread and they received calls from across the country offering help to care for the big cat.