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Mon, 25 Mar 2019
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An ideal world - Vatican raid sees Pope and thousands more arrested ​

Ideal World
© Waterford Whispers News
AN EARLY morning raid on the Vatican by over 500 Interpol agents has seen the Pope and thousands of clergy arrested as part of ongoing child abuse investigations spanning over 50 years, WWN can confirm.

Treating the Vatican like any other multi-billion euro company whose employees carried out decades of child abuse, agents stormed CEO Pope Francis's residence at 6am this morning in an ideal world which is not too far from our own world, but a world just a little bit more intolerant to child sexual abuse than ours.

"If Google, Apple or any other large multi-national company had thousands employees accused and charged for paedophilia offenses, and proof that companies tried to cover this up, of course they'd be raided and every document and file searched in its HQ," explained lead Interpol investigator in the ideal world, Detective Denis Kent

Apple Red

Unknown unique apple found growing in north London community orchard - farm launches naming contest

new apple discovered
© Forty Hall Farm/Enfield Independent
Paul Dart, Forty Hall Farm Orchard volunteer, collecting apple tree leaf samples for DNA testing
A community orchard is launching a naming competition, following the discovery of a unique type of apple growing on an Enfield farm.

Forty Hall Farm, run by Capel Manor College, said analysis of DNA samples from the tree's leaves have shown that the apple tree is completely unique and does not match any known examples in the National Fruit Collection.

Following its establishment in 2011, volunteers planted 130 heritage varieties of fruit trees as well as hundreds of fruiting hedgerow trees.

Historic maps of the farm show that an orchard existed on the same site in the 1830s.

Orchard volunteer Val Dyer said: "There are several old apple trees growing on the farm but we had no record of when they were planted or what types of apple they are.

"The fruitID.com project was launched by the world-renowned research organisation NIAB-EMR at East Malling in Kent to help improve the recording of different fruit varieties in the UK.

Take 2

Satire warning! BBC Crimewatch director gives up after failing to create coherent narrative out of govt's Salisbury novichok fable

The BBC's plans for a one-off episode of Crimewatch, reconstructing events in Salisbury on 4th March, have had to be abandoned after running into a series of problems, according to the programme's director, Hugh Dunnit. Despite his desire to make the reconstruction as realistic as possible, after weeks of filming Hugh says he has given up, citing a loss of confidence in his professional abilities, after failing to get the details to make any sense.

I talked to him in the care home where he is now residing temporarily, and he told me that the problems began early on with the reconstruction of events on the morning of 4th March. According to police, after making their phones untraceable, Sergei Skripal and his daughter, Yulia, left home just after 9:00am, and drove to the London Road cemetery, before returning around 1:00pm. But as Hugh told me, this was a cause of major difficulties for the local actors playing the Skripals:
"We only ever intended to show half a minute or so of them at the cemetery in the final reconstruction, but because I'm a great one for making things as realistic as possible, I decided to film them there for the entire four hours, with the intention of editing afterwards. But once the two local actors playing Sergei and Yulia - Doug and Sarah - had put flowers on the grave, we then found that they still had over three hours to kill, and to be honest both of them said they felt a bit stupid just sort of hanging around graves for that length of time. I must admit, it did make us wonder what on earth the Skripals were doing for so long in a cemetery on a Sunday morning."
Doug Deeply, who plays Sergei, agreed:
"There's only so much one can do in a graveyard, and to be honest it does feel kind of creepy just hanging around graves. Yet the police seem to think they were there throughout that time, and so being professionals we just had to get on with the job. Still, it does make you wonder why the police don't just ask them what they were doing there, since they're both alive and well," he added with a chuckle.

Comment: On a more serious note, here's one of Slane's comments from below his article:
I actually think that a lot of the "plan", is actually part of the cover up. Not the cover up since 4th March, but an attempt to stop or mitigate something happening on that day. Let me explain:

The theory that is starting to form in my little head (which may change at any moment) is something like this:
  • A nerve agent came from the US part of Porton Down, by someone or a group who wanted to take Sergei out.
  • Hence the reason that G. Aitkenhead denied it could have come from "our" four walls, but looked to be terribly uncomfortable as he said it.
  • The news of this "taking out of Sergei" was somehow leaked to someone else shortly before.
  • The four hours in the cemetery was something to do with a meeting between those who had caught wind of it and the Skripals.
  • This is why S & Y made themselves untraceable.
  • This is why S was agitated in the restaurant.
  • This is why there "happened" to be two doctors from Porton Down at SDH.
  • This is why it was known to be a nerve agent early on.
  • This is how they were able to recover - because those treating them knew what was used, as they had been told about it beforehand, and so knew how to treat it.
  • D.S. Bailey was assigned to watch them as they traipsed around town, to make sure they weren't attacked.
  • He failed and got there too late.
  • That's why he was at The Maltings.
  • It's also how he was able to get to Sergei's house so quickly (he maybe even had a spare set of keys).
  • And of course it's why he must disappear and never be heard of again. Not because he's a villain or loves his privacy too much. But because if his role in it became known, it would show that someone else (our "allies" and not Russia) had tried to take out Sergei, and the Govt had desperately tried to cover this up by pointing the finger elsewhere.
I'm sure there's as many holes in that as the Govt narrative. It certainly doesn't explain the mystery couple with the red bag. But it's a start and it begins to make more sense in my little head than anything else I've heard so far.

Arrow Down

UK government to end homelessness by redefining cardboard box as 'a home'

New Home
© News Thump
The government has pledged to end homelessness with new measures to redefine what counts as a home.

With figures showing that homelessness is now at record levels in parts of the country, Whitehall officials have insisted they will stop at nothing to make those figures look much better.

Housing Secretary James Brokenshire explained, "We intend to eradicate homelessness in this country, and rest assured our commitment to this aim is absolute.

"We have to look at the entire issue, and realise as a society that so many people don't have a home purely because of how we have chosen to define 'a home'.

Stock Down

Karl Marx 'zero-euro' faux bill takes Germany by storm

Karl Marx zero euro
© Harald Tittel / AFP
A cheeky 'zero-euro' bill, issued by a German tourism agency to commemorate the bicentenary of Karl Marx's birth, has become a runaway success, with more than 100,000 wealth re-distributing purchases on record.

Printed by Trier Tourism and Marketing in honor of Marx's 200th birthday, the original 5,000 'zero euro' notes sold out in less than a month. In the weeks that followed, collectors and tourists alike have pounced on the souvenir bills, with over 100,000 purchases of the commemorative banknote -which sells for three euros- to date. Marx was born in Trier, a city in southwest Germany, on May 5th, 1818.

The faux bill - which features a portrait of Karl Marx - is slightly larger than a 20 euro note, and is made of the same security paper used by the European Union currency.


Trump's Walk of Fame star mysteriously multiplies

trump star hollywood

Fake Trump Walk of Fame stars pop up on Aug. 9 after the president's real star was destroyed again. A crew laminated vinyl stars and placed them on blank squares in Hollywood.
Fake Trump Walk of Fame stars pop up on Aug. 9 after the president's real star was destroyed again. A crew laminated vinyl stars and placed them on blank squares in Hollywood.

Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - destroyed on several occasions by detractors who sometimes wield a pick-ax - mysteriously multiplied over night so that on Thursday morning there were several dozen stars.

The effort comes from a conservative street artist who wishes to remain anonymous, but says he was motivated not only by the destruction of the president's real star, but also a recent unanimous vote by the West Hollywood City Council to recommend the removal of Trump's star due to accusations he has mistreated women.


Liberals who called Trump mentally unfit now being treated for 'Trump Anxiety Disorder'

© Free Republic
Are you a T.A.D. victim?
In 2003, the late and celebrated writer Charles Krauthammer coined the term "Bush Derangement Syndrome," which he described as: "The acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency - nay - the very existence of George W. Bush."

Prior to becoming one of the most respected political analysts of his time, Charles Krauthammer was Dr. Krauthammer, a psychiatrist, who treated people for various forms of mental illness. In this regard, he was a uniquely qualified observer of American politics.

Krauthammer was not a Trump supporter, but the behavior of the left after the 2016 election gave him an obvious reason to offer his diagnosis of a new disorder called "Trump Derangement Syndrome."

How else could you describe the mental state of people who organized groups to scream at the sky on the one year anniversary of Trump's 2016 victory?

Comment: Trump Derangement Syndrome has metastasized into Trump Anxiety Disorder - a progressive, invasive offshoot now gone viral. For most patients, reality pills, even in large doses, are not potent enough to arrest the syndrome and restore affected mental delusions and emotional faculties.


Heavy metal forever! Pair of elderly Germans ditch nursing home for 'world's largest' heavy metal music fest

Wacken Open Air festival
© Morris Mac Matzen / Reuters / File
Wacken Open Air festival
A pair of old German men had been so willing to swap the routine of their nursing home for "world's largest" heavy metal event, the Wacken Open Air festival, that they had to be evacuated from there with the help of police.

Two old gentlemen have disappeared on Friday night from a nursing home in Dithmarschen community in northern Germany, Deutsche Welle reported. A search operation started when the staff sounded the alarm and called the police.

These days, almost anything could happen to a missing elderly man, but this story had quite a happy end. The aging metalheads were found at Wacken Open Air, considered to be the world's biggest heavy metal festival which takes place every year in Germany.


Millennials outraged after Alabama baseball team advertises 'Millennial Night' featuring avocados, participation ribbons and napping stations

millennial night baseball
© Fox News
The Montgomery Biscuits are hosting 'Millennial Night' this weekend, but their advertising on social media set off an eruption of mixed feedback from the very group they're trying to attract.

If I say lover of naps, "selfies" and participation ribbons, you would say . . . Millennials?

According to one Alabama minor league baseball team, those are the pillars of life for people born between the 1980s and early 2000s, along with avocados, craft beer and safe spaces.

In an effort to bring younger fans to the ballpark, the Montgomery Biscuits are hosting "Millennial Night" this weekend, but their advertising on social media set off an eruption of mixed feedback from the very group they're trying to attract.

The Tampa Bay Rays' Double-A affiliate, currently with a record of 15-11, tweeted last week: "Want free things without doing much work? Well you're in luck! Riverwalk Stadium will be millennial friendly on Saturday, July 21, with a participation ribbon giveaway just for showing up, napping and selfie stations, along with lots of avocados."


No Joke! Virginia Congressional candidate Leslie Cockburn accuses opponent of being into 'Bigfoot erotica'

Leslie Cockburn
© Thomas McKinless/CQ-Roll Call Group
Leslie Cockburn
Here's a political attack you don't hear every day - or ever: A Virginia congressional candidate says her opponent is unfit for office because he is a "devotee of Bigfoot erotica."

Democrat Leslie Cockburn said on Twitter that Republican opponent Denver Riggleman fetishizes the mythical ape-like giant, sparking viral online interest in what's surely the most out-there line of attack in this election cycle.

"This is not what we need on Capitol Hill," Cockburn said in a tweet Sunday. Her posts included pictures from Riggleman's Instagram account showing nude drawings of Bigfoot with his - assuming that the made-up creature is male - genitalia covered with a black rectangle.

Comment: 'Bigfoot eroticism'?? You heard it here on Sott.net first! But on a serious note, it really is a testament to how far gone (or low) or silly many 'Democrats' appear to be going these days to demonize the opposition.