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Wed, 20 Mar 2019
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Daredevil raccoon climbs high-rise in Ocean City, NJ, drops from about 8 stories

Raccoon climbs side of building
© Richard Tsong-Taatarii / Global Look Press
In the style of Spiderman, a raccoon climbed up the wall of a high-rise near the Boardwalk in Ocean City, NJ. After making it about eight stories up, the critter falls off the wall, spreading its body like a parachute suit.

The video, captured by South Carolina resident Micha Rea, shows dozens of spectators looking up mesmerized. Shock spreads through the crowd as the raccoon is seen pushing off the wall and falling to the ground.

Mr. Potato

'Sesame Street' producers deny accusations that Bert and Ernie are in fact Russian spies

Bert and Ernie
Show runners for Sesame Street have come forward to deny accusations that Bert and Ernie are in secret service to the Kremlin, feeding information to Russia's leaders in order to undermine the interests of the United States.

The statement came in response to a writer for the show, who stated that he's "always thought of Bert and Ernie as KGB" while writing their scenes. Viewers pointed out that Ernie's constant reminiscing over "the Motherland" and Bert's propensity for reading Communist literature as he ignored Ernie's incoherent ramblings suggested that the two may actually be Russian agents.

"Bert and Ernie are puppets, and are therefore apolitical characters without any ability to sell government secrets to Putin," Sesame Street reps wrote on the show's Twitter account. "We wrote the characters to talk about friendship, and they are in no way Russian spies."

"Seriously, they're puppets. Stop making such a big deal about whether or not they're members of your proletariat uprising," the tweet concluded.

At publishing time, Oscar the Grouch had been accused of being enlisted by the CIA to wiretap Bert and Ernie's phone.

Eye 1

Theresa May admits she gets 'irritated' by human beings and their irrational impulses

theresa may
© Simon Dawson / Reuters
Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted in a Panorama interview that she gets 'irritated' by humanity and its strange unknowable ways.

She made the statement during a conversation about Brexit, stating that the process of negotiating a Brexit deal would be made considerably easier if human beings could be removed from the process.

"What I do get irritated by," said Mrs May, her face morphing into an approximation of human emotion, "is human beings and their irrational, emotional impulses that defy logic and reason.

"The entire process of removing Britain from the EU is extremely complex but could be approached in a far more efficient manner were it not for the necessity of consideration for human beings and their foolish emotions and desires."

The interviewer, Nick Robinson, a little taken aback by the forceful nature of Mrs May's outburst, asked her to clarify whether she would prefer it if other human beings didn't exist.

"What, that I were alone in the world? Free to mould the planet into my own vision without the need to interact with human beings who mock and laugh in ways I can never understand? Free to run through as many wheat fields as I like?"

She paused, wistfully staring off into the middle distance.

"No, never even crossed my mind."

The interview then came to a close.

The Panorama crew have since reported that following the filming, Mrs May entered a private room that appeared to be full of dolls and could be heard saying - "we'll show them all soon enough, won't we Mrs Pennyweather."


Mayor Goodboy: Meet the golden retriever serving as California town's mayor

dog canadian mayor
© Mayor Max/Facebook
Maximus Mighty Dog Mueller II, Golden Retriever elected as Idyllwild mayor
Commonly known by locals as Mayor Max, the incredibly cute tie-wearing golden retriever has been serving as the mayor of Idyllwild for five years now.

It may seem fur-real, but the small Californian town of Idyllwild has chosen a heart-crushingly adorable golden retriever with a noble name - Maximus Mighty Dog Mueller II - to be their mayor. Now there's a politician one can actually trust!

"His role is to make the world a better place by conveying unconditional love and doing as many good deeds for others. My role as the chief of staff is to help run the vision of the mayor's office for Idyllwild, so we actually run an actual mayor's office," ABC13 News cited Phyllis Mueller, Mayor Max's chief of staff, as saying.


Still thinking about moving to Canada? Justin Trudeau's top 5 cringe-worthy moments

Justin Trudeau
Justin Trudeau, The Canadian Stallion, is a man of tremendous integrity, depth and intellect. His former career as a substitute drama teacher has truly prepared him for the role of Prime Minister of Canada. Some may say he was elected because of his family name, others say it was because he promised to legalize marijuana, while others believe he was elected based off of his good looks. But I say Canadians saw within him the mind of a soon to be historic political philosopher.

Comment: Even though Trudeau provides an almost endless supply of humorous cringe-worthy and stupid moments, the likes of which make this video only the tip of the iceberg, he is still a world leader, which means every decision he makes affects the lives of millions of people. And that's a scary thought.

See also:


NRATV 'rails' against changes to Thomas the Tank Engine to increase diversity

Dana Loesch NRA TV
To a backdrop of anthropomorphic trains wearing KKK hoods, National Rifle Association spokeswoman Dana Loesch mocked the attempt to make "Thomas the Tank Engine" more diverse, saying sarcastically that the children television program has been a "blight on race relations."

During a September 7 segment of "Relentless," the NRATV host expounded on what prompted her salvo against the beloved kids show: The addition of Nia - a female, Kenyan train - to the show's cast.

"Am I to understand this entire time that Thomas and his trains were white? Because they all have gray faces. How do you bring ethnic diversity?" Loesch said. "I mean they had to paint, what I guess they thought was some sort of African pattern on the side of Nia's engine?"


OPINION: I am part of the Resistance inside the Galactic Empire

Emperor Palpatine
By: Anonymous

(note: The Beaverton is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a senior Commander on the Death Star whose identity is known to us and who would be in danger of being force lightsaber murdered by its disclosure.)

Emperor Palpatine is facing a test to his ironclad dominion of the entire known universe, unlike any faced by a modern galactic leader.

It's not just that the Jedi Counsel looms large (namely because he ordered them all executed). Or that the galaxy is bitterly divided over Emperor Palpatine's leadership.


'Vegetarian' dog embarrasses owner after it picks meat on live TV

Lucy Carrington

Lucy Carrington owner of 'vegetarian' dog
Lucy Carrington raises her dog Storm the Husky as a vegetarian, she was left speechless on live TV when her pet chose meat over vegetables.

She decided to put her on a meat-free diet this summer when she started to go off her food. She believed the animal wanted to be vegetarian, so she served up meat-free dog food and leftover vegetables.

Comment: There could be many reasons the dog went off her food but this owner made an erroneous assumption based on her (apparently) unconscious biases.

However, during an appearance on This Morning, the dog headed straight for a bowl of meat - nevermind the carrots and peas.

Veterinarian Scott Miller explained that while dogs are omnivores and so eat both meat and plants, making them vegetarian is taking away their freedom to follow their natural need to eat meat.

Comment: The owner is evidently embarrassed when, as the dog goes straight for the meat, she says "Oh you little....i didn't swear!". And, other than sniffing the vegetables, Storm the dog doesn't even lick them.

Be sure to check out the links below for more information on why the comments in the video praising the ideologies of vegetarianism and veganism for humans, and the suggestion that it could be suitable for dogs, are potentially deadly.

For another entertaining (but not necessarily scientific) study, let's see children's reaction to broccoli or bacon:



Links: And check out SOTT radio's: Behind the Headlines: Dissecting the Vegetarian Myth - Interview with Lierre Keith


Saudi Arabian government are 'totally awesome, lovely people'

SA Flag
© News Thump
With satirists now facing potential jail time in Saudi Arabia for making a few pointed jokes, online comedy writers around the world have been quick to praise the Saudi Arabian government.

Simon Williams, a part-time dandruff shampoo salesman and occasional contributor to pathetic leftie liberal site NewsThump told reporters, "We have always held the Saudi government in the highest esteem at NewsThump, because, well, they are just the nicest people, aren't they?

"We'd never think to write articles about their systemic bombing of children in Syria, nor their crippling oppression of women, nor their constant persecution of their LGBT citizens, because these are probably just malicious rumours, I'd imagine.


'Dancing diplomacy': Politicians cut loose and (tried to) sway to the rhythm

© Reuters
Austria's foreign minister has hailed the merits of "dancing diplomacy," less than two weeks after she swayed with Vladimir Putin at her wedding - but she's not the only politician known to put on her dancing shoes.

"Diplomacy is about much more than presenting each other with policy notes... a dance doesn't have any political implications, whether I dance with [British Foreign Secretary] Jeremy [Hunt] or anyone else," Karin Kneissl said at a press conference on Friday, as quoted by AFP.

While her comments referenced a night of samba and bossa nova with her British, Greek, Polish, and Romanian counterparts at an EU foreign ministers' meeting on Thursday, "dancing diplomacy" is also something that she recently practiced at her own wedding, sharing a dance with Putin during the celebration.

But Kneissl isn't the only politician to enjoy a good boogie. Here are six times that politicians lightened up and let themselves get lost in the music.