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Sun, 20 Jan 2019
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Are you or a loved one suffering from toxic masculinity? Know the warning signs

worried man
More than 40% of men today suffer from it---and their loved ones pay the price.

It's called "toxic masculinity," and it's the latest disease to plague the nation. It can affect every aspect of a toxic man's life. Worst of all, toxic masculinity is contagious, so if you're infected, you need to know right away so you can avoid spreading it to your friends and family.

Are you or a loved one suffering from toxic masculinity? Know the warning signs so you can seek help:

Smiley

Canadian intelligence reports claim Russia stealing magnetic North

Magnetic North
© Waterford Whispers News
A DAMNING new report published by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service has claimed that Russia has been slowly stealing magnetic North for that past 20 years, WWN can confirm.

The 467 page report stated that Vladimir Putin secretly conspired with dozens of Russian billionaires to shift Earth's north magnetic pole back as early as 1999, when it is believed he oversaw the development of enormous underground magnetic facilities in Siberia, which are since slowly attracting the planets liquid-iron outer core, known as the core field.

The worrying report estimated that magnetic North will soon be positioned in Russia's Northern territory by the year 2035.

Calendar

Brexit vote delayed till 30th of February announces May

May in Prliament
© Waterford Whispers News
For a second time in recent weeks British PM Theresa May has sparked consternation and chaos in the Houses of Parliament by cancelling a vote on her Brexit deal at the last minute, this time delaying it until the 30th of February.

Critics of the PM have stated her motivation for delaying is transparent as it was clear the Tory leader would suffer an embarrassing and potentially career ending defeat in the Commons.

Confirmation of the vote now set to take place on Tuesday the 30th of February will be formally announced by May this afternoon according to insiders, and the decision has caused much fury among hardline Hard Brexit advocating MPs.

Black Cat

Finishing touches put on new breed of cat

Maine Coon
© MaineCoon Org
HELL - Satan announced Friday he is putting the finishing touches on a new breed of house cat.

Forged in the dark fires of Satan's spawning pits, the newly developed feline breed will wait even longer to decide if it wants to come inside or stay outside your door, scratch you even more painfully, and act even more aloof.

Researchers didn't think these developments were possible, but drawing on the dark arts, Satan was able to pack the new model with over 100 new evil features.

Smiley

Ocasio-Cortez continues to claim she grew up on the streets of Mos Eisley

Cortez
© Babylon Bee
Washington, D.C.-Despite scrutiny from critics, incoming congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez continues to claim she grew up on the hard-knock streets of Mos Eisley, the thriving hub of the seedy underworld of the desert planet Tatooine.

"I'm still Alex from the most wretched hive of scum and villainy," she tweeted along with a picture of her new congressional office. "You can take me out of the dangerous, crime-ridden spaceport, but you can't take the dangerous, crime-ridden spaceport out of me."

Bug

Loud death threats bring Aussie cops to investigate!

Spider
© Shutterstock
Arachnophobia - that is, the unreasonable fear of spiders - isn't illegal, but it could still bring the police to your door if you scream loud enough.

An Australian man learned that the hard way this morning when, according to reports by the BBC, a passerby heard him shouting, "Why don't you die?" inside his suburban Perth home. The passerby also heard a toddler wailing. Justifiably, the passerby called the police.

Multiple officers presently arrived at the scene and learned that the man - and the toddler - were screaming at a spider. The screaming man was deathly afraid of spiders, he told the police, and he had gotten a bit carried away while trying to kill an unidentified arachnid in his home. The man apologized for the inconvenience, according to police logs tweeted (and subsequently deleted) by the local Wanneroo Police Department. Whether or not the spider was escorted from the domicile in four pairs of tiny handcuffs remains open to speculation.

Donut

Kentucky cops publicly mourn the tragic loss of a Krispy Kreme donut truck

donuts
© Pixabay
Police in Lexington, Kentucky have shared their tearful selfies after a donut truck caught fire and had its sweet, delicious cargo destroyed.

The driver of the Krispy Kreme donut truck noticed smoke billowing from his vehicle in south-east Lexington on New Year's Eve. Nobody was hurt in the resulting blaze, which was captured on video by a passing motorist.

While the fire was soon extinguished, nobody seemed to be more heartbroken than Lexington's boys in blue.

Snow Globe Xmas

#ICYMI 2018 in review - Part 2: Thai boys, Brexit, blimps and getting away with murder

#ICYMI 2018 Part 2
If the first half of 2018 was all about Novichok, the second half of 2018 saw a murderous scandal introduce another new word into the media lexicon; Khashoggi.

Saudi Arabia was allegedly caught killing journalist Jamal Khashoggi. There was outrage, but no sanctions against one of the West's biggest cash cow allies.

Also making the headlines; the summer saw Donald Trump on his travels, finally making it to meet the Queen in Britain, a group of Thai boys made it out alive from an underground cave, and by the end of the year French protesters in yellow vests were threatening President Macron's political survival.

Mr. Potato

Prize-winning clown 'deeply offended' by misuse and misrepresentation of the word 'clown' to describe politicians

Clowns
© Sam Stephenson/Alamy Stock Photo
‘I am deeply offended by the misuse and misrepresentation of “clown”’, says David Konyot.
With regard to your recent article and headline (Our elders are supposed to be older and wiser. But not these Brexit clowns, theguardian.com, 21 December), I am a prize-winning international musical clown, part of an honourable profession, and am deeply offended by the misuse and misrepresentation of "clown" in connection with parliamentary or other forms of chaotic behaviour.

The constant use of the word "circus" in the press to denote a mess or bad behaviour is also distasteful. Unlike the comparison the press constantly draws, a clown or indeed a circus must be orderly and efficient to work properly. And in the case of a circus, it takes teamwork - which is the opposite of the impression the press gives.

Please could the fourth estate find other words to describe political behaviour.

David Konyot
Tilney St Lawrence, Norfolk

Comment: Let's hope this clown is just getting some laughs out of the ridiculousness of today's PC culture. That said, given the absurdity of our environment, it's entirely possible this clown is completely serious.


Snowman

#ICYMI runs down 2018: Mad Max Britain, Trump, and the great Novichokking - (Part 1)

ICMY year in review
© RT
It's been a wild one!
2018 will be remembered as the year everyone learnt the word 'Novichok,' as well as finding out that Salisbury Cathedral has a 123-meter-high spire. However, there was lots more going on besides the Skripal saga.

2018 was also the year Brexit still didn't happen, Trump met North Korea's Kim Jong-un to discuss nukes on a mini-break in Singapore, and there was the usual hysteria over royal babies and royal weddings.

So here's ICYMI's look back at some of the key stories from 2018, Part 1.

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