Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

'Simpsons' invents new Fox News motto: '#1 with racists'

The Simpsons
© Fox"Fox News: Not Racists, But #1 With Racists."
In the world of The Simpsons, Fox News' well-known "fair and balanced" motto has been replaced.

On Sunday's episode of the long-running cartoon series, a Fox News helicopter carrying a network executive reads, "Fox News: Not Racists, But #1 With Racists."

After the Fox News executive steps out of the helicopter into the head of the Statue of Liberty, the aircraft goes into a tailspin and crashes. The pilot can be heard saying, "It's not fair, we're unbalanced."

Sheeple

TSA Tips for Travelers: Or, How to Stop Worrying and Love Letting Us Touch Your Junk

[Note: TruthJihad blog always attempts to prevent a fair and balanced view of issues related to the War on Terror. In order to do so, we occasionally invite contributions from those whose views we would ordinarily oppose. Today, due to widespread public rage against TSA groping and naked body scanners, we felt obliged to invite the TSA to respond.]

Guest blog post by Vora Rephilia, Assistant Pubic Relations Officer, Transportation Security Administration.

Greetings, travelers! We at the Transportation Security Administration are dedicated to making your journey as pleasant as possible. That is why we offer you the choice of either allowing us to look at you naked, or allowing us to fondle your genitals.

We know that many of you have been raised to feel ashamed of exposing your naked bodies in public. For people who suffer from this kind of inhibition, we offer the option of merely having your genitals groped.

Some people are worried about how their kids will react to our screening procedures.

Yoda

Irish Health Minister Mary Harney reported for spiking Irish water supply with toxic drugs

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© UnknownMary Harney, the drone queen of Ireland aka the 'Irish Minister for Health'. Mary is responsible for the mass poisoning of the Irish people
Got a pamphlet in the door today "Dial to stop drug Dealing" 1800 220 220. Of course I thought it said the "DÁIL to stop drug dealing", which would be a real miracle. After realising my mistake I decided to report the crime of mass drugging of the population, because that's what water fluoridation is.

Get the "F" out of our water!


Smiley

From Here & Back Again: The World is Ending in 2012 ... or is it?

There have been many predictions of the end of the world; they have all been wrong. But they do provide both humor and pathos and the opportunity to reflect on human nature. These include prophesies/predictions of the end of the world, Armageddon, the rapture, the coming of a messiah, the second coming of a messiah and other such world-ending events.

In America today, perhaps the most thought-provoking prediction is that of Jesus, who said, "Verily, I say unto you, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom" (Matt. 16:28).

This implies Jesus's second coming during the Apostles' lifetime, and they expected it. It did not happen.

Yet there are those today who believe the Bible is the literal, unerring word of God.

Human nature seems to long for a cataclysmic ending, since such prophecies have been part of so many cultures through so many years. An unearthed Assyrian clay tablet from sometime about 2800 BCE, said, "Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common."

Throughout history and today, the moral decay of society, along with degradation of the earth, have been and are taken as signs of the imminent end. It did not happen as said by the Assyrians, but bribery and corruption certainly continue, and if we listen to the older generation, the younger generation is always degenerate.

Many such prophecies/predictions are based on religion, but astrologers, scientists and quacks have also been involved, and they have come from all around the world. A brief, incomplete look is revealing.

Camera

4409 -- Porn addict applies at TSA

Nudie magazine addict applies at TSA and feels comfortable with fondling and the nude scanners as long he is allowed to take the pictures home for "research" purposes.


Black Cat

Cat vs Gator: Feline agility trumps reptilian mechanicalness!

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© VisionGate
Watch as this plucky cat punches way above its weight by scaring off not one but two alligators!


Mr. Potato

Bristol Palin's dancing prompts man to shoot his TV

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© Associated PressIn this publicity image released by ABC, Bristol Palin performs during the celebrity dance competition series, "Dancing with the Stars," on Monday.
A rural Dane County man believes Bristol Palin should not be on "Dancing With The Stars."

Cowan, 67, and his wife were in the living room Monday night, watching the dance competition program that has featured the daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin this season as one of the competitors.

He demanded his wife get his pistols to emphasize his point.

The result: A 15-hour standoff Monday and Tuesday involving hostage negotiators, a dog team and other law enforcement authorities on one side and the Town of Vermont man on the other.

The only casualty: The man's television.

Dane County prosecutors have charged Steven N. Cowan with second-degree reckless endangerment in the incident that made his wife worry that he would shoot her, according to a criminal complaint.

Cowan, 67, and his wife were in the living room Monday night, watching the dance competition program that has featured the daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin this season as one of the competitors.

Cards

Best of the Web: Quantitative Easing Explained

Animated cartoon video explaining what the Federal Reserve of the US is up to, and how we got here.


Magic Wand

Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke

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© Fred Prouser/Reuters & Peter Parks/AFP/Getty ImagesPorpoise driven … Dick Van Dyke and a porpoise.
Mary Poppins star feared death after apparently falling asleep on his surfboard but friendly sea creatures pushed him to shore

On screen, Dick Van Dyke has been rescued from untimely death by flying cars and magical nannies. Off screen, the veteran star of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Mary Poppins had to rely on the help of a pod of porpoises after apparently dozing off aboard his surfboard. "I'm not kidding," he said after wards.

Star

3 year old Jonathan conducting to the 4th movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony


3 year old Jonathan conducting to the 4th movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. This piece was originally conducted by Herbert von Karajan and the Berliner Philharmoniker, one of Jonathan's favorite conductors and orchestras. Jonathan's passion for classical music became apparent when he was only eight months old. Shortly after that he began conducting on his own. Check out the big finale!