Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Magic Wand

Doctors bring woman back from dead


The Australian
Mon, 19 Aug 2013 19:48 UTC
Tanasio
© Robe Leeson/News LimitedVanessa Tanasio, pictured with her two children, came "back from the dead" after 42 minutes when she suffered a cardiac arrest and had her life saved by the Monash Heart Team
Australian doctors have saved the life of a woman who was clinically dead for 42 minutes.

The miracle patient was rushed to hospital after a major heart attack, but was declared clinically dead soon after arrival.

With the aid of a high-tech machine that kept blood flowing to her brain, doctors at Melbourne's MonashHeart managed to unblock vital arteries and return her heart to a normal rhythm.

The hospital today described her survival as "astonishing".

Doctors say Vanessa Tanasio, 41, a mother of two from the suburb of Narre Warren, needed numerous defibrillator shocks, including one in the ambulance on her way to hospital.
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Sheriff

Stoners get Doritos from cops!


KPIX
Sat, 17 Aug 2013 00:00 UTC
Cops give away Doritos to Stoners, instead of misdemeanor tickets, for Marijuana use at the Hempfest in Washington State this year.

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Smiley

Chinese zoo substitutes lion for dog

Malcolm Moore
The Telegraph, UK
Thu, 15 Aug 2013 13:26 UTC
Mastiff dog
© Ed Jones/ AFP
A zoo in China has replaced its lions with Tibetan Mastiff dogs.
With the sun shining and kids at home for the school holidays, many families in the eastern Chinese city of Luohe decided to pay a visit to the city's zoo this week.

But those hoping to be thrilled by the zoo's fearsome beasts were left disappointed by a rather tamer set of substitutes.

"One family surnamed Liu took their six-year-old son to the zoo in People's Park," reported the local Dahe Daily newspaper.

"On the way, Mrs Liu was teaching her son all the sounds that the different animals make. But when they arrived, her son said the lion was barking like a dog."

Indeed, inside the enclosure marked "African Lion" was a Tibetan mastiff dog. There was another dog in the wolf cage, while some foxes were standing in for the leopards.
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Cheeseburger

Have you seen the 12-inch, 9,000-calorie, $38 burger?

Becket Adams
The Blaze
Tue, 13 Aug 2013 10:21 UTC
It may not be the most expensive burger in the world, but at an eye-popping $38.20, this 20-patty Jack in the Box burger, nicknamed "The Kraken," is definitely pricey.
Burger
© Chevassus StudiosJust look at it!
"I chose Jack in the Box because, having worked there before, I knew and tearfully appreciated how they honor American individualism by making exactly what you order," the burger's creator, YouTuber Beau Chevassus, explains. "Plus the people there are super-nice folks."

His goal was to order the largest and most expensive single-stacked, freestanding burger from a major fast food chain. And it looks like he got what he wanted.
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Hardhat

Splat - bird of spray lets fly to evict sparrow


metro.co.uk
Thu, 08 Aug 2013 06:03 UTC
Image
© BarcroftWhite lightning: The stork scores direct hit – without looking
A few seconds before the picture was taken, this unfortunate sparrow had been living in the bottom of the giant nest.

His landlords' notice of eviction came out of the blue. The dead-eyed stork was clearly not interested in spreading the love.

The moment was captured in the northern German town of Lübbecke which has several nature reserves.

The sparrow was sent spiralling off course but soon recovered and escaped, according to photographer Martin Nobbe.

Image
© BarcroftTarget: The sparrow
He noticed a family of tree sparrows had been sharing the nest as 'sub-tenants' until things turned ugly.

'The little sparrow who was hit could fly unharmed afterwards, but he must certainly have learned a lesson,' he said.

The stork's dirty bomb is all the more impressive because it was looking the other way at the time.

Sparrows often share nests made by white storks. This one had been built over several years on a man-made platform. They are used to stop the birds nesting on electricity pylons.
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Stop

Stray Ukrainian train arrives to wrong city


RIA Novosti
Sat, 10 Aug 2013 17:32 UTC
Image
© RIA Novosti. Sergey PiatakovStray Ukrainian Train Arrives to Wrong City
The good thing about trains is, you can always be sure about where they go.

Well, not anymore.

An express train in Ukraine took the wrong turn and ended up in the wrong city earlier this week, local media reported Friday.

Instead of Zaporozhye in central Ukraine, the train from Lviv arrived to Dnepropetrovsk, 85 kilometers north of the supposed destination, Vgorode.ua said.
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Eye 1

Best of the Web: NSA Wiretapping Public Service Announcement

FunnyorDie
YouTube
Sat, 10 Aug 2013 13:55 UTC
Trevor Moore (Whitest Kids U' Know) tells us what we can do about the NSA wiretapping our phones.


Become a fan on facebook.

See the original here.
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Dollar Gold

PayPal accidentally make user richest man in the world after crediting account with $92 quadrillion

Oscar Williams-Grut
London Evening Standard
Thu, 18 Jul 2013 09:14 UTC
paypal
Mistake: the payment service credited the account with over a thousand times the combined wealth of the world
A public relations worker was "quite surprised" to find he was the richest person on the planet after PayPal mistakenly credited his account with over a thousand times the world's GDP.

Chris Reynolds, 56, opened an email from the online payment site to find his account balance was $92,233,720,368,547,800 - or $92 quadrillion. The total wealth of the world is estimated to be just $200 trillion.

Reynolds, from Pennsylvania, told the Philadelphia Daily News: "At first I thought that I owed quadrillions. It was quite a big surprise."

But the huge windfall didn't last long as after logging on to the site Reynolds found his balance was back to $0.
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Sheriff

Satire: Insecure, frustrated bully with something to prove considering career in law enforcement


The Onion
Fri, 09 Aug 2013 12:07 UTC
Image
The moody, temperamental ball of repressed rage says he would like to serve and protect one day.
Raleigh, NC - Calling it his lifelong dream, local man Brendan Lockhart, an insecure and perpetually frustrated bully who believes he has something to prove to the world, told reporters Thursday that he is seriously considering a career in law enforcement.

Lockhart, a recent high-school graduate who sources confirmed is plagued by resentment, self-doubt, unexpected fits of rage, and has always had a penchant for tormenting those who are smaller and weaker than him, explained that he feels he is well suited to serve as a police officer.

"I've always wanted to be a cop," said Lockhart, whose paranoia and inferiority complex constantly haunt him, leading him to lash out at others in order to convince them he is in control. "I know it's a tough line of work, but I think I've got what it takes to earn my shield and get out there and keep the peace."
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Mr. Potato

Russian TV announcer gives 'Obama salute'

Dr Kevin Barrett
truthjihad.blogspot.com
Wed, 07 Aug 2013 06:38 UTC
Remember the Hitler salute?
Image
A Russian reporter, honoring Obama's world takeover bid, has invented the "Obama salute."


So from now on, any mention of Obama, or any appearance of Obama's image on the TV screen, must be immediately greeted by a mandatory "Obama salute." Any failures to salute the world dictator will be punished. Remember, the NSA is watching!
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