Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Northampton woman writes 'thank you letter' to burglars

Note to Burglars
© BBC NewsKate Barrett's letter has been pinned to a door after burglars broke into the house (see note below).
A woman has written a thank you letter to the burglars who broke into her house and apologised for not having "particularly expensive tastes".

Kate Barrett, 36, wrote that she and her partner, Dan Owens, were "disappointed" the thieves had ignored her VHS video and cassette collection.

Miss Barrett stuck the letter to the back door of the Northampton home she shares with Mr Owens.

The burglars smashed through the door on Sunday evening.

The couple were both away at the weekend and Miss Barrett, who works as a communications officer, got home first to discover the "ransacked" house.

Bacon

Bacon deodorant latest offering from Seattle company

Image
J&D's
J&D's, the Seattle company that created baconnaise, Bacon soda and Sriracha popcorn, has a new product in time for the holiday season: bacon-scented deodorant.

Power Bacon sells for $9.99 per stick, and comes with a tongue-in-cheek warning that it is not to be consumed. "Do not eat, leave exposed to sunlight or explore the wilderness without a firearm," the company says on its website, www.PowerBacon.com.

Not to be outdone, J&D also expanded its lineup of hot sauce-flavored products with Sriracha Candy Canes. A box of 12 sells for $7.99 at retailers like Cost Plus World Markets, Urban Outfitters and ThinkGeek.com. Both products are available on the Internet.

"Warm up your taste buds this year with Sriracha Candy Canes," the company said. "The savior of bland food is now a fiery candy cane great for tricking your unsuspecting friends [and children] after a tasty bento box."

J&D recommends using the chile spice-sweet candy as a stirrer in a holiday drink or sprinkling crushed Sriracha candy canes over ice cream for cheap thrills.

Bacon

Show me the bacon? Kansas State gives out free bacon at women's basketball game

"We decided it was something different and new we wanted to try," said school employee.

Image
© Cyclone BillBacon
In order to promote the women's basketball team's home opener against Tennessee State on Friday evening, Kansas State University will be handing out free bacon beginning an hour before tipoff.

When the announcement was made on Tuesday, K-State officials were only planning to cook up about 75 pounds of pork but, after there was a full-scale bacon blitz on social media, they are now planning on frying up 300 pounds of thick-sliced bacon.

Students with ID will be admitted free to Friday's game and handed a "boat of bacon" as they go through the door. The "boat" is similar to the paper container that nachos are served in.

"We sat around with our Student Advisory Board in preseason and asked them what incentives would get them out to games that they wouldn't necessarily go to," said Bethany Cordell, graduate assistant for women's basketball marketing.

Smiley

Dizzying success of ObamaCare inspires private sector

Poster
© ThePeoplesCube
The Day One dizzying success of Obamacare has inspired several industries in the private sector to similar heights of achievement. "The private sector is always languishing behind the government," said Jay Carney in a White House press release earlier today, "especially in terms of technology and efficiency. It is hoped that by our showing the world that success is achievable, others would be inspired to do as well."

Indeed, with the government to lead the way, private sector businesses, and even other governments, are beginning to think they could succeed, too. Consider some of the Obamacare inspired success stories of today:

Last week, Ford rolled out its Pinto II. Always on the cutting edge of green energy, the Pinto II boasts the new Internal Eco Drive, or IED powered engine. Selling like hotcakes, 8,327 Pinto IIs rode off the lot in the last seven days, and dozens of them carried their satisfied owners home without exploding.

"We believe 48 of our new cars may have made it home safely, and there are reports of two or three more in another country that did the same. We're just so grateful that our president showed us what's possible," said a Ford spokesman

In other news, Microsoft released its new SacreBleu! operating system. "We've had some bugs and glitches with the system initially," said Microsoft on their website, "but just like ObamaCare, we're seeing amazing success. Some of our customers, only 99.98%, reported system crashes and total data loss, but one man in Maryland said his computer is working just fine after installation. We're waiting to hear what happens when he attempts to go online or actually install a program."

Question

Mysterious black-robed figures at Bayern Munich game stir up controversy

Eleven men dressed in identical black robes were present in the stands to the surprise of bewildered fans at the Allianz Arena.

A group of mysterious figures caused a stir in the crowd at Bayern Munich's clash with Hertha Berlin at the Allianz Arena on Saturday.

The 11 unknown men, each dressed in black robes and sitting in a line, were spotted making strange synchronized gestures during the league match, which Bayern won 3-2.
Mystery Fans_1
© Goal.comMen In Black: The robed figures startled supporters.
Situated six rows from the pitch just beside the halfway line in the stand opposite the broadcasting gantry, the group was also seen by TV viewers all across the world.

Smiley

Sneaky sea lion steals fish out of fisherman's hands

Pelican thinks too much, sea lion makes a move ..


Smiley

Squirrel caught vandalizing Estherville, Iowa, professor's bicycle

Squirrel
© Iowa Lakes Community CollegeA squirrel chews on a tire of a bicycle belonging to Iowa Lakes Community College professor Matt Strom on Thursday. Officials say the animal ruined two tires, a bicycle seat, taillight and headlight.
A strange case of vandalism was solved Thursday, when a squirrel was caught vandalizing a math professor's bicycle at Iowa Lakes Community College.

The ravenous rodent chewed through two tires, a bicycle seat, a headlight and a taillight in incidents Wednesday and Thursday.

Assuming the crime had been perpetrated by a person, bike owner Matt Strom reported the peculiar damage to Estherville police on Thursday.

"There was no damage done to any metal," said Strom, an associate professor of mathematics. "It was all soft materials like plastic and rubber."

Shortly after the police left, aviation instructor Ron Duer spied a squirrel chewing on the seat of Strom's bike. He took a photo of the animal chewing on a tire.

Upon learning the news, Strom described the culprit in an email to colleagues as "the meanest squirrel you have ever seen."

Smiley

No wonder the US is spying on Merkel. I mean, you never know

Angela Merkel
© The Independent, UK
The reason there's now such a vast network of global surveillance, we're told by British and American governments, is it's essential in defending our security against terrorist plots. So that must be why the US authorities tapped the phone calls of Angela Merkel.

She doesn't look the type, but that's always the way with radical Islamic Jihadists who've worked their way into being Chancellor of Germany so they can inflict glorious holy war upon the infidels, so we should be thankful the Feds were on to her.

They've probably already decoded her sinister messages, declaring, "This call here, where she says 'We must maintain the strength of the euro for the fiscal year 2013/14', it means 'Kill the bastards. Kill them all without mercy. And don't forget to strap the explosive to your chest extra tight as that Velcro tends to come undone, and if those explosives spill all over the bus you'll feel a right fool'."

There are other possibilities I suppose. Maybe the FBI suspects she's part of the Berlin criminal underworld. So while she's in her office late at night, Obama's in a van outside listening to her make calls such as, "Oi Nobby. I think Plod's on to us. We've got an informer and I suspect Francois Hollande. If he asks any questions don't say nothing, he might be wearing a wire."

Or she might be dealing. All evening, when the other German ministers think she's preparing her speech for a summit somewhere, she's weighing out grass and telling customers, "This is good shit. At the G20 this was everywhere, the Prime Minister of Japan was ripped all through the agreement on fishing rights."

Smiley

Gator goes shopping at Walmart

Alligator
© MyNews13The 6-foot gator was found by the sliding glass door at the Walmart on Hiawassee Road and Orange Blossom Trail.
Orlando -- An interesting shopper was found outside of an Orange County Walmart late Saturday night.

A 6-foot gator was found by the sliding glass door at the Walmart on Orange Blossom Trail in Apopka.

It got a lot of attention from customers and workers.

Walmart employees eventually had to lock the door because it kept sliding open.

Robin Watkins was inside shopping around when someone told her there was a gator outside, so she and many others went to check it out. Watkins says she never felt scared; it was just cool to see.

"It was just... it was neat. But I am glad they locked the doors for safety because I do have my child with me," Watkins said.

Watkins said she believes there is a lake nearby, and that's most likely where the gator came from.

After a while, the gator walked into the woods.

Cell Phone

Site helps you 'drunk dial' congressmembers

Phone
© codinghorror.com

The creators of a new website think you might want to take out your frustrations with the government shutdown by "drunk dialing" a member of Congress to vent about it.

On its homepage, DrunkDialCongress.org encourages you, "whether you are a furloughed worker, being forced to work for free, or just fed up at Capitol Hill" to "call and yell at a random member of Congress."

While the site can be used by anyone, of course, its name implies that you should imbibe to get your juices flowing, first.