© The OnionTrump counters his opponents’ attacks and rouses the audience with a cutting remark about his urgent need for intensive psychotherapy.
Miami—Following a series of attacks by his opponents on inconsistent policy statements he has made in the past, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump reportedly shot back at his challengers with a pointed and stinging rebuttal during Thursday's GOP debate, saying, "I suffer from severe psychological issues, and I desperately need the help of mental health professionals."
Sources said Trump's biting retort, in which he acknowledged having debilitating cognitive and emotional impairments that rendered him wholly unfit to make important decisions for himself, let alone for a nation of 320 million people, came during the first hour of the nationally televised debate, and drew raucous cheers and applause from the audience.
"What people need to understand is that I'm plagued by very real and very serious mental health issues that leave me with considerable mental deficits and sharply distort the reality I perceive," said Trump, his blunt and forceful rejoinder cutting through the noise of the other candidates talking over one another and silencing the field. "Look, folks, I have a crippling, intractable personality disorder, exacerbated by ongoing chemical imbalances in my brain, that is manifesting itself as an acute, long-term manic episode. Let's be clear here: I lack the sound judgment, impulse control, and ability to regulate emotional responses that a rational, mentally healthy human being should possess."
"I am sincerely afraid of what I might do to myself or others—please, someone help me," Trump continued, leaving his challengers flustered as the crowd erupted in a standing ovation.
Comment: Just need Drumpf toilet paper to go along with the toilets.