Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Baby Jesus statue gets GPS for Christmas

BAL HARBOUR, Fla. - A baby Jesus statue here is getting a Global Positioning System for Christmas. The statue, part of a nativity scene, will be equipped with the device after the previous statue went missing, even though it had been bolted down.

Comment:
"but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."
Exactly who is saving who?


Bulb

Clinton urges Iowa voters to caucus on wrong day

DES MOINES - Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton may have shot herself in the foot trying to get Iowa voters to pledge support to her -- she is encouraging them to go caucus on January 14, 11 days too late.

Smiley

Pope converts to New Labour



©NewsBiscuit

Pope Benedict XVI has sent shockwaves throughout the Catholic Church by announcing his conversion to the faith of New Labour.

Snowman

One-third of Canadian adults believe in Santa Claus

Yes, Virginia, a whopping eight million Canadians believe in Santa Claus -- and that figure doesn't include children.

According to a national survey that asked adult men and women if they put faith in the Fat Man, nearly one-third of Canucks "personally believe in Santa."

Middle-age Canadians were more likely to profess their allegiance to Old Saint Nick (37 per cent) than those older or younger than themselves (32 per cent and 22 per cent, respectively).

Cult

Satire: Rove Resigns To Spend More Time In Shadows

WASHINGTON - Longtime political adviser and Republican strategist Karl Rove announced Aug. 13 that he would step down from his role as White House deputy chief of staff to spend more time in the shadows and devote his energy to the things he really cares about, such as creeping, slithering, and disappearing for all time into an ever-darkening realm shut off from hope and goodness.

Einstein

Santa on Cross Protests Commercialism

BREMERTON, Wash. - Art Conrad has an issue with the commercialism of Christmas, and his protest has gone way beyond just shunning the malls or turning off his television. The Bremerton resident nailed Santa Claus to a 15-foot crucifix in front of his house.

Black Cat

Netherlands: Stray cat makes 2,000 km journey under car hood

A stray cat has tracked down its owners after making a 2,000-km (1,200-mile) journey from Portugal to the Netherlands under a car hood, the Dutch ANP news agency said on Friday.

Jaap and Ine Hulleman, a couple from the Netherlands, had been staying in Tavira, a city on Portugal's southern coast, where they got attached to a tabby-colored cat. They named it Tijger (Tiger).

©Unknown

Sherlock

Hungary: Entire beach stolen

Border crossing crooks were blamed after an entire beach including beach huts, sun loungers and sand were stolen.

Land locked Hungary has no beaches of its own and tonnes of sand had been shipped in to make the riverside at Mindszentas as near to the real thing as possible.

But managers who closed up the leisure park for winter have found that 6,000 cubic metres of sand as well as playground rides, the huts, and even the wooden shops had been stolen.

Smiley

Ridiculously Funny Medical Stories



©n/a

If you've been a reader of my newsletter for any amount of time, you're already well aware of the many worrisome accounts about the increasing number of medical errors a patient may experience, ranging from improperly prescribed or contaminated medications, to the mistakes health care workers conveniently ignore.

Comment: Who or what is Oscar Meyer? Visit cassiopedia again.


Smiley

Pot suspect served hash cake for lunch

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - A man being held in a Dutch police cell on suspicion of growing cannabis got an unintended treat in his lunch - a piece of hashish-laced cake, a spokesman said Thursday.

"It was an accident," said Alwin Don, police spokesman in the southern province of Zeeland.