Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Chinese Burglar Gets Drunk at Crime Scene, Arrested


RIA Novosti
Sat, 19 Dec 2009 15:14 UTC
Police in China's Tianjin municipality detained a burglar who had broken into a construction site to steal cables and ended up getting drunk there, China Daily reported on Saturday.

The man entered a building under construction and found several unopened liquor bottles in one of the rooms.

He drank all the liquor and then passed out.

He was arrested after a guard saw him and called the police.
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Cow

Cow jumps six feet on to roof


Telegraph
Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:20 UTC
A cow has been caught jumping six feet on to a roof, after the owners thought they had been burgled.

Neighbour William de Cothi, 17, photographed the animal after he spotted it on the roof about six feet off the ground.

A cow standing on the roof
© ARCHAA cow standing on the roof of a house in Blagdon, Somerset
The Sixth Form student said: "I was looking out of my window when I saw the cow.

"At first I thought that it was an illusion and that it was in the background and not really on the roof.

"But after a closer look I could see it was actually on the roof."
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Cheeseburger

German shoppers in salami and cheese fight over trolley


Metro
Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:32 UTC
Two angry German shoppers were hospitalised after a fight over a shopping trolley that ended with one using a salami as a club, and another wielding a slice of Parmesan cheese like a knife.

The delicatessen ruckus began in the busy supermarket in Aachen when a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman both wanted a shopping trolley, leading to a wrestling match between the two. This was ended when the woman's 24-year-old brother punched the man, knocking him over.

They then took the trolley into the supermarket.
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Snowman

Why a 'Rage Against the Machine' UK Christmas No. 1 Would Be a Great Pop Moment

Tim Jonze
The Guardian
Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:15 UTC
Cowell_RATM
© Ken McKay/Chiaki Nozu/Rex/FilmMagicRage against the pop machine ... Zack de la Rocha gives Simon Cowell the finger
If the sweary, shouty rap-rock mob prove to have the X(mas) factor it will be a victory for the democratised and downloadable nature of the pop charts in 2009.

What a lot of outrage over something so silly. In the fight for Christmas No 1 (and that's a phrase we've not heard in a long time), familiar battle lines have been drawn.

In the rock corner, we have those who are "protesting" against Simon Cowell's parade of X Factor winners hogging the top spot, and want to unleash something loud and sweary on the charts - Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name."

In the pop corner, we have those who think RATM fans are being pathetic, especially as the song is ancient and the band are hardly rock rebels these days (you can read some good points about the irony of using "Killing in the Name" for this campaign on Luke Lewis's NME blog).

Comment: Rage Against The Machine's 'Killing In The Name Of', potential UK Xmas no.1?

Warning: contains most unparliamentary language..


Or the alternative version...



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Mr. Potato

Fraudster Al Gore reads his poem 'Our Choice'


CBS/YouTube
Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:41 UTC
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Beer

'Santa' stumbles out of vehicle, seeks reindeer


Associated Press
Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:36 UTC
Sparta, Wisconsin - Santa Claus is in trouble with the law in one western Wisconsin city. Police in Sparta said they cited a man dressed as Santa after witnesses told officers he stumbled out of a vehicle, approached several children playing in a yard, hugged them and demanded to know the whereabouts of his reindeer.
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Bell

Flashback When Same-Sex Marriage was a Christian Rite

Thos Payne
Colfax Record
Sun, 24 Aug 2008 00:00 UTC
Image
© SS. Sergius & Bacchus - 7th cent.
A Kiev art museum contains a curious icon from St. Catherine's Monastery on Mt. Sinai in Israel. It shows two robed Christian saints. Between them is a traditional Roman pronubus (a best man), overseeing a wedding. The pronubus is Christ. The married couple are both men.

Is the icon suggesting that a gay "wedding" is being sanctified by Christ himself? The idea seems shocking. But the full answer comes from other early Christian sources about the two men featured in the icon, St. Sergius and St. Bacchus, two Roman soldiers who were Christian martyrs. These two officers in the Roman army incurred the anger of Emperor Maximian when they were exposed as 'secret Christians' by refusing to enter a pagan temple.

Both were sent to Syria circa 303 CE where Bacchus is thought to have died while being flogged. Sergius survived torture but was later beheaded. Legend says that Bacchus appeared to the dying Sergius as an angel, telling him to be brave because they would soon be reunited in heaven.
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Cell Phone

Teen runs up dad's cell bill to nearly 22,000


Associated Press
Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:55 UTC
Hayward, California - A 13-year-old teen was probably in hot water with his father after running up a cell phone bill of nearly $22,000. Ted Estarija said he was expecting his bill to be higher this month after adding his son to his plan, but wasn't expecting a bill of $21,917 in data usage charges. The Hayward man said his Verizon Wireless bill soared after his son apparently downloaded about 1.4 million kilobytes of data last month.

His plan didn't cover data usage, so he was charged by the megabyte.
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Smiley

Satire - Britain deciding which souvenir to hurl at Brown


The Daily Mash
Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:08 UTC
Butress
Experts say the flying buttresses of Bath Abbey would hurt
Britain was last night pondering which model of a famous building it would throw at Gordon Brown's head.

Families across the country became embroiled in heated arguments over the best historical souvenir for knocking the prime minster's teeth out, as experts stressed that if you wanted to leave Mr Brown with stitches you should really use a tiny cathedral.

Roy Hobbs, from Doncaster, said: "We were in Stratford back in June and I picked up this lovely, detailed model of Anne Hathaway's cottage. It's got three little chimney stacks and it's good and heavy."

But Mr Hobb's wife Jill insisted: "Anne Hathaway's cottage is bullshit. You want something with lots of spikes and knobbly bits. What about York Minster sellotaped to a brick?"
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Yoda

Most unparliamentary language: Irish member of parliament succinctly sums up the state of affairs


YouTube
Sat, 12 Dec 2009 20:54 UTC
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