Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Nuke

Satire: Nuclear submarine found on train


The Daily Mash
Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:15 UTC
The government faced fresh embarrassment last night after a Vanguard class nuclear submarine was found on board a commuter train.

A junior Cabinet Office official has been suspended, while home secretary Jacqui Smith has been told to hand back her keys to the Tower of London.

HMS Vengeance was discovered by Julian Cook, a trainee solicitor, during his 45 minute journey from Luton to Kings Cross ThamesLink. Mr Cook immediately handed the vessel, and its 135 crew, to the BBC.

He said: "I was actually going to the toilet when I noticed the aisle was blocked by 16,000 tonnes of ocean-going holocaust machine.

sub
©Unknown
Submarine

Comment: Good use of satire pointing out the absurdity of this story: UK: Yet again! More secret 'terror' government files left on train

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No Entry

Transvestite toilets for cross-dress schoolboys


Metro
Wed, 18 Jun 2008 07:40 UTC
When more 200 boys at a rural school in Thailand declared themselves "transgender" there was only one thing to do.

Build new transvestite only toilets.

The new facilities at The Kampang School in northeastern Thailand are helpfully designated with a sign showing part man in blue and part woman in red.

Below it are the words "Transvestite Toilet."
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Roses

US: Inspiring Teen Fighting Cancer Graduates


KDKA
Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:27 UTC
A teenager from Freedom who is battling cancer has inspired people around the world and now he's marking a major milestone.

John Challis graduated from Freedom High School on Thursday.

Challis maintains a positive outlook on life, despite his fight against lung and liver cancer.
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Bizarro Earth

While the World is Burning: World's longest spaghetti made in Belgium


RIA Novosti
Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:43 UTC
Cooks from the Belgian city of Tubize have made the world's longest strand of spaghetti in a bid to enter the Guinness Book of Records, national media reported on Monday.
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People

Voter turnout for tiny North Dakota, US town: Zero

James MacPherson
Associated Press
Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:40 UTC
Pillsbury Mayor Darrel Brudevold said voter turnout in the city's primary election usually is fairly high.

"I dare say a half-dozen people usually make it to the polls," he said. That represents about a quarter of the residents in the Barnes County farming community, in southeastern North Dakota.

But on June 10, no one showed up. Not even those on the ballot.

Brudevold ran unopposed for re-election. His wife, Ruth, and Dan Lindseth faced no challengers for their alderman seats.

"Everybody has got a job and they're busy," Brudevold said. "It just worked out that nobody seemed to go down there to the polls."
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Cloud Lightning

Michigan girl survives lightning strike, then wins lottery


Associated Press
Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:57 UTC
Blanchard teen BreAnna Helsel escaped serious injury when she was struck by lightning.

It happened June sixth as she was closing a kitchen window at home during a storm.
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Briefcase

Hindu monkey god named chair of Indian business school


The Daily Texan
Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:27 UTC
He's a revered Hindu monkey god. And now, he's the chairman of an Indian business school.

Hanuman, the popular god known for his strength and valor, has been named official chairman of the recently opened Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in northern India, an official said Saturday.

The position comes with an incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop computer. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat reserved for the chairman and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, said Vivek Kangdi, the school's vice chairman.

"It is our belief that any job that has the blessings of Lord Hanuman is bound to be a success," said Kangdi.
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Smiley

Man changes name to 'In God We Trust'


Associated Press
Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:34 UTC
ZION, Illinois - A school bus driver and amateur artist from the Chicago suburb of Zion has legally changed his name to "In God We Trust."

A Lake County circuit court judge approved Steve Kreuscher's (CROY'-shirz) name change petition on Friday.

The 57-year-old's first name was changed to "In God," while his last name was changed to "We Trust."

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Smiley

Man wore diaper full of heroin


Associated Press
Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:29 UTC
NEW ORLEANS - Frank Keys Jr. faces up to 40 years in prison after he was found cruising down the highway with more than 200 grams of heroin in the diaper he was wearing, federal officials said.

Keys, 38, of New Orleans was charged Friday by a federal grand jury. He got in trouble June 3 in St. John the Baptist Parish, north of New Orleans, when sheriff's deputies pulled over the car he was in for a traffic violation, according to court documents.

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Coffee

A Brief History of the Unicorn

Tiffany Sharples
Time
Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:33 UTC
In a centuries long case of mistaken identity, we've finally rounded up another suspect. The June 11 discovery of a one-year-old, one-horned deer may put Bambi in the company of the rhinoceros, the narwhal and the onyx as creatures who spawned the enduring myth of the unicorn.

In this case, the single horn on the Italian deer found at a wildlife preserve in the town of Prato, outside of Florence, is attributed to a genetic mutation, but its discoverers aren't ruling out the possibility that other creatures with similar abnormalities could have been spotted throughout history, and contributed to the persistent unicorn legend. Whatever the present day implications of this discovery, however, historically speaking, scientific evidence has seldom played a role when it comes to believing in unicorns.
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