Turning his sights on the special election to fill the Massachusetts Senate seat vacated by Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), Borowitz suggests that a Republican victory will be a victory for healthcare reform defeat. In so doing, he creates invented remarks for Republican candidate Scott Brown, who has said he'll join a Republican-led filibuster of the Democrats healthcare overhaul in the Senate.
Writes Borowitz:
Boston (The Borowitz Report) - Firing up voters on the eve of the special election to fill the late Edward M. Kennedy's Senate seat, Republican candidate Scott Brown spoke at a campaign rally today, proclaiming, "With your help, our dream of depriving millions of health care is within reach."
"Let's send a message, Massachusetts!" Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. "Let's tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!"
An aide to Mr. Brown said that internal polling reveals that the Republican's anti-healthcare message may be catching on: "Right now, Scott is showing a double-digit lead among people who describe themselves as douchebags."