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Crazed Yemeni Terrorists Will Attack Within 45 Minutes, Warns Government

The government yesterday raised the terrorist threat level to 'Hysterical', for the first time in nearly 5 weeks.

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In a speech to the Tavsitock Institute, the Home secretary yesterday hinted ominously of 'alarming levels of chatter coming out of Yemen'. However, when later pressed as to the nature of the chatter, Alan Johnson was forced to concede: 'It's hard to say exactly. I don't speak Yemenese, but all we know is they're talking, and they're talking a lot.

Grey Alien

My Teacher is an Alien, Say 1 in 3 Children

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© UnknownNot of this earth, apparently: Teachers
Finding proof of extra-terrestrial life is a no-brainer for children - because they see aliens every day at school.

A third of all children aged five to 16 are convinced that the body of one of their teachers has been taken over by an extra-terrestrial being.

And even if they do not think aliens are by the blackboard, three-quarters of youngsters believe the little green monsters exist somewhere in the universe.

Aliens regularly feature in children's books, films and TV series and so the results do not surprise child psychologist and TV presenter Laverne Antrobus. 'Children have many fantasies and love to escape into a world of make- believe that they can imagine for themselves,' she said.

Comment: Most adults never escape their world of make-believe.

Radar

Fear of Flying

So now we have what surely sounds like the worst imaginable terrorist threat: the bomber whose weapon is concealed inside their body. Are we going to need MRIs before boarding a plane?

Maybe it's time to make the inevitable psychological shift from prevention to risk management.

Flying has always entailed risks - just as their are risks in driving a car or eating in a restaurant.

How's this for what could be universally accepted as an acceptable level of risk: that the danger of being a victim in a catastrophic air flight is such that one is more likely to die because of mechanical problems or pilot error than because of a terrorist act.

Mr. Potato

California: Man Finds Jesus in Coconut

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© Mike ZachwiejaMike Zachwieja says he can see the face of Jesus in this coconut.
A Paradise man claims he discovered a miracle in the produce section of his local grocery.

In a letter to News10, Mike Zachweija said he went shopping to buy bananas a few days before Christmas. He glanced at a bunch of coconuts and noticed one that looked like it had a silhouette of a face on it.

Impressed with the image Zachweija bought the coconut.

On Christmas Day Zachweija said he decided to take some pictures of the coconut before the image faded away.

In his letter he wrote:
"As the first picture I took appeared on my small digital camera, I could hardly believe what I was looking at. The silhouette face now had some color and much more detail, with added Christmas sunlight. The face looked very much like that of Jesus."

Play

Satire: Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

Officials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.


Mr. Potato

Satire: Bin Laden Claims Responsibility for Balloon Boy Hoax

Bin Laden
© CIA
CIA Analyzing Latest Terror Tape

One day after claiming responsibility for the Christmas Day underpants bomber, Osama bin Laden appeared in a new terror tape today in which he claimed responsibility for the Balloon Boy hoax that held the nation spellbound last year.

"The so-called Balloon Boy claimed that he 'did it for the show,'" a stern-faced bin Laden says on the tape, which surfaced Sunday morning. "In point of fact, he did it for jihad!"

In the somewhat rambling tape, Mr. bin Laden spends 45 minutes claiming responsibility for other things, including the massive Tylenol recall, John Edwards' illegitimate baby, and the Detroit Lions' NFL season.

According to a CIA analyst familiar with the tape, a new characterization of Osama bin Laden may be beginning to emerge: "He's like a movie executive: no matter how little he was involved, he claims credit."

Mr. Potato

California: 16-Year-Old Girl Starts Solo Sail Around Globe

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© AP Photo/Richard HartogAbby Sunderland, 16, looks out from her sailboat, Wild Eyes, as she leaves for her world record attempting journey at the Del Rey Yacht Club.
A 16-year-old has set out to become the youngest person to sail around the world alone.

Abby Sunderland of Thousand Oaks sailed into the sunny Pacific Ocean on Saturday after being delayed a few days by a series of violent storms in California.

Her boat-builder father, Laurence, along with other family members and fiends, cheered at the Del Rey Yacht Club as they watched the 40-foot craft called Wild Eyes depart.

She plans to be at sea for five or six months. She will be alone but able to communicate via satellite telephone and a blog.

Frog

Little Lizards Make Big Money for Villagers

A tiny Indonesian lizard has become big business for impoverished villagers in Indonesia, where growing Asian demand for reptile-based traditional medicines has driven a boom in gecko farming.

Geckos -- the pale, soft-skinned lizard with a distinctive call -- are abundant in Indonesia and are believed by Chinese and Korean traditional medicine devotees to help cure cancer as well as skin and respiratory diseases.

In rural Banjarsawah village, on the eastern half of Java island, struggling farmers have discovered geckos make a surprisingly lucrative commodity.

Tohasyim, 32, a farmhand who earns 10,000 rupiah (about $1) a day feeding other people's cattle, now makes 1 million rupiah or about $110 a month hunting geckos in a local forest.

Mr. Potato

Flashback Front fell off

Ever wonder about the safety of those tankers that carry thousands of gallons of crude oil, then watch this. It's supposed to be a spoof..


Mr. Potato

Break In 911 Call

A man calls 911 when he gets stuck in a window while trying to break into a house.