Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Coffee

Briton plans to drive to Greece, on grease

A 34-year-old Briton who drove a truck to Timbuktu on factory-reject chocolate is planning to lead 30 cars, powered only by cooking oil, on a two-week rally from London to Athens in August, Britain's Guardian newspaper reported yesterday.

Briefcase

European Court agrees to hear chimp's plea for human rights

His name is Matthew, he is 26 years old, and his supporters hope to take his case to the European Court of Human Rights.

But he won't be able to give evidence on his own behalf - since he is a chimpanzee. Animal rights activists led by British teacher Paula Stibbe are fighting to have Matthew legally declared a 'person' so she can be appointed as his guardian if the bankrupt animal sanctuary where he lives in Vienna is forced to close.

An anonymous businessman has offered a substantial amount to cover his care, but under Austrian law only humans are entitled to have guardians.

HAL9000

Tower Bridge Twitters, Fails to Titillate

We mentioned this in passing last month, but it took until now for the sheer silliness of this "news" to truly sink into Londonist's brain. An anthropomorphized Tower Bridge has taken to Twittering - you know, that little micro-blogging tool whereby folks can share with family, friends and subscribers what it is they're doing, thinking and feeling every moment of the day. The Tower Bridge hasn't yet revealed to us what it's thinking or feeling, but it would like you to know what it's been up to lately:
I am opening...
I am closing...
I am opening...
I am closing...

Fish

The psychology of beach towels

Newsflash: people who drive black cars suffer from a lack of confidence while those in orange vehicles are more likely to experience mood swings.

Leaving aside the obvious - wouldn't you have to be unstable to buy an orange vehicle? - this invaluable data comes from a recent survey conducted by Oregon-based CNW Marketing Research.

The findings contribute new insights to the scientific field known as "What X Reveals About Your Personality."

Black Cat

Cat helps debt-strapped Japanese train

A money-losing Japanese train company has found the purr-fect mascot to draw crowds and bring back business - tabby Tama.

All the 9-year-old female cat has to do is sit by the entrance of western Japan's Kishi Station, wearing a black uniform cap and posing for photos for the tourists who are now flocking in from across the nation.

Her job makes cultural sense in Japan, where cats are considered good luck and are believed to bring in business.

Tama has done such a good job of raising revenue for the troubled Kishikawa train line that she was recently promoted to "super-station-master."

Image
©AFP

Beer

Drunk clerk fakes robbery in Denham Springs

A clerk in Denham Springs reported to Livingston Parish police that he was beaten and robbed and described a suspect, but a review of the store's surveillance system showed that no robbery had occurred, according to police.

Smiley

Psychiatric patient directs traffic in Montenegro, Serbia

BELGRADE - A man suffering from a psychiatric disorder directed traffic in Montenegro's capital, Podgorica, for at least half an hour until police officers caught him, local media reported.

Better Earth

Germany: Wild Boar Help Police Round up Car Thieves

A duo of young car thieves were thwarted in their attempt to evade police capture on Wednesday night when some wild boar got in their way. Police had to rescue one of the suspects from a herd of wild boar defending their young.

Wild boar have had some bad press recently in Germany with increasing numbers of the animals venturing into cities in search of food. However, late on Wednesday night the feral creatures made something of a contribution to law and order by helping police round up some crime suspects.

Heart

13-Year-Old Twins Write Award-Winning Novel in the Face of Adversity



JBB Winner
©Unknown

Missile Rider Publishing announces the nationwide release of the award-winning novel, The Strand Prophecy, written by twins, Brittany and Brianna Winner, 13, and their father Jeff Winner. Appropriately dubbing themselves JBB Winner (Jeff, Brittany and Brianna), the twins collaborated with their father to pen this exciting science-fiction adventure even though, at first glance, the task seemed impossible.

Smiley

Get a good night's kip...on the moon

They are everywhere, popping up all over the country offering a decent night's sleep for a reasonable price.

But one budget hotel company has dec­ided to expand into the final frontier - and has bought a plot on the Moon.

Premier Inn claims it will welcome visitors fresh off the shuttle from Earth within 25 years. But first it has to work out how to carry materials for the 4,000 sq m (43,000 sq ft) building into space.