© The Onion
Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
© Rawstory
"I'm also America's foremost capitalist," he continued. "I love the Invisible Hand of the market so much, I let it get to third base." Which is why he was disturbed to learn that Pope Francis had called capitalism "a new tyranny" predicated on "the idolatry of money."
"I would never worship money," Colbert argued. "The dollar isn't worth the paper it's printed on. That's why I've invested everything in golden calf futures."
"But as a Catholic," he said, "I try to give the Pope the benefit of the doubt, as does Bill O'Reilly."
© Eliza Wiley/ Independent Record
Krys Holmes holds Foresta, her daughter's pet pigeon, after it caused a bit of chaos at Central School when it flew into town to find her owner.
Krys Holmes holds Foresta, her daughter's pet pigeon, after it caused a bit of chaos at Central School when it flew into town to find her owner.
"I hear this bird flapping its wings behind us. I start screaming and it lands on Rob's head," the principal said.
When the pigeon wouldn't budge, Nasset knew something strange was happening. But they had no idea the bird was the missing pet of one of the elementary school's students, or that it had apparently flown 15 miles to get there, despite having never visited Helena before.
Juice News: Crimea - media war games (ft. Abby Martin)
Join Robert Foster, caught squarely in the crossfire as he attempts to navigate the salvos, and find some underlying truth.
It's Mutually-Assured Mass-Media Destruction: Crimedia Wars - and the stakes are high - who will win the War of Perception? It's Juice Rap News, in the thick of it, as usual... Hysteria Is Happening.
Join Robert Foster, caught squarely in the crossfire as he attempts to navigate the salvos, and find some underlying truth.
It's Mutually-Assured Mass-Media Destruction: Crimedia Wars - and the stakes are high - who will win the War of Perception? It's Juice Rap News, in the thick of it, as usual... Hysteria Is Happening.
It sounds like the plot of a Disney cartoon.
A depressed goat at an animal sanctuary in California went on hunger strike for six days until he was reunited with its best friend - a donkey.
Mr. G, the goat, and Jellybean, the donkey, were separated after welfare officers in Southern California seized animals who were forced to live in atrocious conditions, according to KTVU. Despite being rescued at the same time, Mr. G and Jellybean were sent to different sanctuaries, much to the disgust of the goat.
Mr. G spent six days in the corner of his new pen at the Animal Place Rescue Ranch in Grass Valley and refused to eat anything. The 10-year-old goat was depressed.
Desperate to make him happier, the staff decided to track down Jellybean.
With so many legends of lost riches out there, it's easy to think that treasure could be found just about anywhere. Consult a treasure seeking forum for just a few moments and you'll realize that even right now, sweet loot may be hiding somewhere just a short trip away.
It's impossible to know if a treasure legend is true until the riches are actually found, but below is a roundup of lost riches that actually seem worth hunting for. Continue on, treasure seekers, as the potential greatest finds of a generation are just below.
© Getty
RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin came back at comments made by Prince Charles earlier likening him to Hitler, stating that the monarch was behaving like Joffrey from Game Of Thrones.
Mr. Putin launched the scathing attack on the prince after he was reported to have told a woman how his Crimean actions were no different to the Nazi leaders in world war two.
"Who is this inbred to liken me to such a man." said the Russian leader earlier. "Isn't his father a Nazi lover? This is like a pot calling a kettle black. He is nothing more than a want to be child king, like Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Him and his manlike wife should stick to what they are good at -spending their kingdoms money."
© The People's Cube
On a recent visit to Washington DC, French foreign minister Laurent Fabius told President Obama and Secretary of Climate John Kerry, "we have 500 days to avoid climate chaos." The remarks came less than a week after the White House released its 829 page National Climate Assessment which introduced the term "climate disruption."
"That French cretin wasn't supposed to use 'climate chaos' yet!" screamed a government-funded climate scientist at a leading research facility, as he was polishing his hockey stick. "We just started using 'climate disruption' last week and hadn't even come close to getting all the money and regulations we wanted from it yet. Dammit!"
His colleague, a computer scientist, who was busy cooking fudge to mix with temperature data, concurred: "Fabius ruined our best new synonym by springing it far too early. The only good one we have left to use is 'catastrophe.' Good synonyms don't grow on trees, you know. Thanks to morons like him, nothing else will either!"
The White House stated that previously released pictures of shirtless Vladimir Putin riding a horse or holding a rifle are no match to the new masculine image projected by Barack Obama in these photos, which until now had been kept from the public due to the U.S. President's famously humble disposition.
America's progressive satirists and Photoshop jockeys are now expected to use these pictures in creating a new series of viral "Obama vs. Putin" infographics, to counter the existing pictorial comparisons portraying the U.S. president as an emasculated lightweight.
© Liu Zhankun/ChinaNews
The theme of the TV show was to have men submit to the pains that women endure during childbirth. The challenge consisted of 10 levels of pain, with an agony scale ranging from 50 to 500. Electric shocks were sent into the abdomens of the male volunteers in order to achieve the desired effect. Predictably, the men were writhing in pain within seconds, begging to stop the experiment.
© Liu Zhankun/ChinaNews
Only one man, Zhou Nan, was able to withstand the pain all the way up to the 500 mark. "I am the father of triplets and wanted to understand the great pain my wife experienced when she was giving birth," he said. "It was horrible. I have nothing but deep admiration for all mothers after this ordeal." According to the event organizer, "This can help people realize how great mothers are."
Comment: Maybe they could stop handing out mind-altering drugs like candy?
Nearly every mass shooting in the last 20 years shares one thing in common, and it isn't weapons.