Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S

Bizarro Earth

Successful Pyschic Predicts LA Quake In 2007

A very strong earthquake centered near Los Angeles on March 13th 2007 causes damage to buildings and roads, bridges as well as some injuries. This is not the " Big One" but will cause some serious damage

An outbreak of a rare virus near or in the city of Boston in May or early June of 2007. Many people are hospitalized and a particular building is quarantined.

An overall increase in violent crimes by 15% 2007-2008 USA [...]

Comment: It seems to us that several of the "psychic predictions" made by this individual could have been made by anyone able to indulge in a little objective news and current affairs analysis.

After all, it's no secret that "the big one" is expected soon in the California region, and the accurate prediction of a "rare virus outbreak" could hardly be called "supernatural" given the many warnings over the past few years about a rare form of avian flu being set to swoop down upon us. And predicting that the price of gold will rise?? Come on! With the Bush government threatening to attack Iran, that one's a no-brainer. Same goes for the "prediction" that "several globally exported food crops will see a dramatic increase in price after difficult growing season in both India and Brazil in 2007-2008." Climate change anyone? As for crime in the US; that has been on the overall rise year on year for decades.

Of course, this particular psychic throws in specific dates, just to set himself apart from the ordinary mortal, yet he is undoubtedly well aware that, even if the dates are incorrect, as long as the actual event, or something similar occurs, he will be able to claim the kudos of being an accurate psychic.

So you see, it is easy to be a "psychic" these days, especially when the level of Western government aggression and media duplicity has reached such staggering heights. To be a "psychic" in today's world is to simply have a healthy interest in and taste for the Truth, which is exactly what you get on Signs of the Times. No sacred cows, no Bull.

Bizarro Earth

Belief that Six-legged cow probably heralds apocalypse

Residents of the Colombian town of Villa Vieja got a bit of a surprise when a calf was born with six legs, two sets of genitals and two udders.

'The calf has six legs, two vaginas and six nipples,' explained the animal's owner, Salvador Vanegas.

Vanegas, who has been raising cattle for many years, said it was the first time he has seen a calf born with that many legs and vaginas.

Dozens of residents of Villa Vieja - in Colombia's central Huila province - gathered at Vanega's ranch at the weekend to see the leggy, double-vagina'd animal.


SOTT Focus: Optimism on Edge -- Stupid or Cointelpro?

The future's so bright, we gotta wear shades

When Alexander Pope said, 'hope springs eternal in the human breast', he followed it with:

Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

Unfortunately, most people never get past the first line. If they did, they would understand that Pope's message in this case was not exactly one of optimism, unless an optimist is someone who wins every argument with "hey, at least there's heaven!"


Who will deliver the next big discovery? -Baby talk

Neh. Neh. NEHHH!!!
That means "I'm hungry. I'm hungry. HEY, I'M HUNGRY!" in newborn.

That's according to Priscilla Dunstan, a woman who believes she's cracked the code of infants up to 3 months old.

Dunstan, an Australian mom who recently described her findings on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," has come up with a five-word blueprint for what the world's little tykes are trying to tell their folks. Her theory is that all babies have the same physical needs - hunger, sleep, relief of discomfort, relief from gas - so their bodies produce the same sounds, or words, based on those needs.

For example, the "neh" sound is made when a baby positions its mouth to suck, with its tongue on the roof of its mouth - all babies eat the same way - and then starts its pre-cry noise.

Magic Wand

Attention heirs to the British throne: Where are you?

LONDON - An international quest is being launched for historical heirs to the throne of England.

Advertisements appearing this week in British, U.S., Australian, German and Norwegian newspapers will ask "Can you trace your family tree back to 1066? Might your ancestors have claimed the English throne?"

Cloud Lightning

Man electrocuted by do-it-yourself mole-killer

BERLIN - A German retiree who wired up a high-voltage cable to try to wipe out the moles digging up his garden killed himself instead, police said Thursday.


Dracula's Castle For Sale

BUCHAREST, Romania - The family that owns a Transylvanian castle famous for its connections to the 15th century medieval ruler who inspired "Dracula" said Wednesday it wants to sell the fortress to local authorities for $78 million.


These are my views. I'm not interested in yours

DON'T email me. That address on the bottom of this column? That is the pathetic, confused death knell of the once-proud newspaper industry, and I want nothing to do with it.


New Excuse for Vote Fraud: Cosmic Rays!!!

On May 18 2003, officials overseeing an election in Schaerbeek, a suburb of Brussels, got a shock. An electronic vote-counting machine declared that 4,096 more people had cast their vote than the ballot slips testified. The machine had been thoroughly tested and deemed perfect. So what went wrong?

Comment: Oh, puh-leeeeeze!


I didn't see it, says mugged psychic

Psychic Carole Peach, who foretells the future for other people "through a Red Indian guide", could not see it coming that she was about to become another crime statistic.

She had no forewarning that a mugger would reach through the open passenger window of her husband's car, punch her in the face and grab her bag containing two wallets, R2 500 in cash, bank cards, her telephone and ID books, two cellphones and her heart tablets.