Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Eye 1

'Blind' man caught driving

Rome - A 70 year-old Italian man who had been pretending to be blind for 40 years to get an invalid's pension was arrested as he drove his car, Sky TG24 television said on Thursday.

Sheeple

The threat to Earth from space is minimal

You may want to put this date in your diary: April 13, 2029. It's a Friday. Friday the 13th. This is the day, Nasa announced four years ago, on which the Earth is most likely to be struck by a civilisation-destroying asteroid.

The space agency quoted odds of one in 300 - an unprecedented level of risk - that we would be hit by the newly discovered 2004 MN-4, a 400-metre-diameter chunk of rock orbiting around the sun. A few hours later, it markedly shortened the odds to one in 63. By the end of the day, the chance of the planet being largely wiped out stood at one in 45.

No Threat
©Unknown

Comment: Uhhhh... errrr... you gotta wonder what drugs these guys are on. And they are writing a book about it!

So neveryoumind all those reports of fireballs or any of those writings by Victor Clube and just put out of your sweet, little head the panicological ramblings of Ms Knight-Jadczyk. The Times, the august Times of London that is, is here to tell you that there isn't anything to worry about. Really.


Monkey Wrench

James Bond fanatic creates underwater car



Rinspeed
©Unknown

Q would have been proud - 30 years after James Bond disappeared under the waves in a specially adapted Lotus, car designers have done it for real.

Cinema audiences gasped as Roger Moore's 007 took his white Lotus Esprit for a surprise dip to evade the enemy in the film The Spy Who Loved Me.

Video: Watch the amphibious Lotus take to the waves

Smiley

Jesus cosmetics prove too cheeky for Singapore

Want to use Jesus hand cream? Well, you can't anymore. At least not in Singapore.

A Singapore-based retailer pulled a line of cheeky Jesus branded cosmetics from its shelves after complaints from irate Catholics, the local newspaper reported on Tuesday.

The cosmetics, called "Lookin' Good for Jesus", is made by American makeup company Blue Q. It was sold in three Topshop outlets in Singapore.

Image
©REUTERS/Blue Q/Handout
"Lookin' Good for Jesus" lip balm is seen in an undated file photo. A Singapore-based retailer pulled a line of cheeky Jesus branded cosmetics from its shelves after complaints from irate Catholics, the local newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Butterfly

Honest Swede Makes 1000-Mile Trip To Appear At Court

Two Planes, Two Buses, A Hire Car, £400 And 1000 Miles To Plead Guilty

Honest Swede Andreas Back travelled 1000 miles to plead guilty to a driving offence in Scotland.

The 26-year-old spent £400 on two flights, two bus trips and a hire car to get him to Fort William Sheriff Court, where he admitted driving without insurance in nearby Corpach last November.

Book

Secrets of Cambridge 'porn' library revealed

For decades generations of Cambridge undergraduates have fantasised about a secret stash of Victorian pornography in the university's library tower.

Many have tried to gain access to the chamber to uncover its illicit secrets. So intrigued was Stephen Fry by the collection that he wrote about it in his first novel, The Liar.

People

UK: Dear parishioners, please pray for your vicar ... he's run off with his deputy vicar

As parishioners arrived for early Sunday worship at the country church, they expected an uplifting sermon from long-serving vicar Jim Tipp.

But Canon Tipp, 62, failed to turn up and a spokesman for the diocese told the congregation he was "unavailable".

Under normal circumstances, his deputy, the Reverend Elaine Northern, 45, would have stepped in. But she, too, was "unavailable".

Target

It was a falling moose. I swear it was!

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Alaska State Troopers see plenty of hazards, but Trooper Howard Peterson was nearly felled by a new one: falling moose. Peterson was driving Feb. 2 on the Seward Highway south of Anchorage when something big and black fell out of the sky about 20 feet in front of his patrol car. "Falling rock!" he thought, ready to steer clear if it bounced onto the highway.

The thing didn't roll or shatter. It turned out to be a moose that fell from cliffs next to the highway.

Heart

Dogs Give Up Their Lives to Save Family

Winona, Minnesota - Bella, a 3-year-old golden retriever/collie mix who was once rescued as an abused puppy, returned the favor to her owners by alerting them to a house fire. With help from Maddie, a 6-month-old golden retriever, Bella helped get Sue Feuling and her 9-year-old daughter, Mckenzie, out of the house last week. The dogs didn't make it.

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The REAL Norwegian Politician speaks up! (Not the same as this one!)

As reported by Norwegian Secret Military Analysts to their Leak Me a Secret Magazine subscribers.

We recently received a most interesting letter from a real Norwegian politician. Although we wouldn't declare under oath for the authenticity of the manuscript, the elegant handwriting and the numerous footnotes suggest that a great deal of scientific research was carried out to support the claims. Plus, the poor use of the English language proves that we are dealing with a foreigner! Plus, the inability to write a coherent paragraph proves we are dealing with a politician!

Norwegian politician
©Unknown

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I am a Norwegian politician. Really. I would like to say that difficult things have happened throughout the history of the human race and they will still be happening from the current year (2008) [1] till the year ominously known as 2012 and beyond. All the years in between inclusive.