Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

Australia: Thief Busted After Falling Asleep on the Job


Metro News
Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:00 UTC
Police arrest man in Australia who fell asleep trying to break into a shopping centre

An exhausted thief fell asleep in the process of seemingly trying to pick the lock of a shopping centre.

Cops in Australia said the man was found snoozing early in the morning outside the complex in Perth with a lock-breaking wire still in his hand.

Police spokesman Samuel Dinnison said: "It appears he fell asleep on the ground with the wire still in his hands and also in the door."
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Smiley

Chewing Gum Thefts Rising

Bill Leukhardt
The Hartford Courant
Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:00 UTC
Chewing gum theft.

It sounds like a joke, like someone stealing toothpicks or thumbtacks.

But reports of people stealing chewing gum are rising, police say. There's apparently a market for stolen gum, just as there is for expensive valuables such as jewelry or tools.

"We've had a number of larceny cases recently involving thefts of substantial amounts of chewing gum," New Britain State's Attorney Scott Murphy said Friday. "What the motive is, we don't know. But gum thefts are increasing."

Gum thievery first popped into Connecticut headlines in March, when police in Bridgeport, Fairfield and Stratford charged Kenneth McManus, 21, of Stratford, with shoplifting $800 worth of Orbit chewing gum from stores in each city.

Since June, West Hartford police have investigated four gum theft complaints, including one Nov. 1, when an Enfield man was charged with stealing $175 in chewing gum from Shaw's supermarket on Kane Street.
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Bizarro Earth

UK: Burglar sends in photo of himself on the run because he didn't like official police mugshot

Luke Salkeld
The Daily Mail
Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:48 UTC
Image
At large: Matthew Maynard sent a officers a picture of himself posing next to a police van
As a wanted man, you might expect Matthew Maynard to be somewhat camera shy.

But when his local paper published a mugshot of the 23-year-old in an attempt to track him down, he decided it didn't show his best side.

So he provided a replacement. And if that wasn't cheeky enough, he posed for the new photograph standing next to a police van.
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Pumpkin

New Zealand lawmaker sculpted in cow manure


3news.co.nz
Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:48 UTC
nick smith cowdung
© na

A sculpture of ACC and Environment Minister Nick Smith made out of cow manure has sold for $3080 on auction site TradeMe.co.nz.

The bust sculpted as a protest by artist Sam Mahon, attracted 112 bids before being picked up by an anonymous buyer on Friday.

Mahon said he created the sculpture, and chose the medium, to protest what he considered Dr Smith's too-soft position on dairy farm pollution. He said the bust did not smell and would last forever.
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Camera

Ex-Blue Cross spokesman says health insurance 'worst product in American history'


Raw Story
Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:44 UTC
Teaming with the liberal Brave New Films, a former Blue Cross pitchman is now pitching against Blue Cross.

Andy Cobb, who once tried to sell Floridians on a Blue Cross health insurance plan, says he's fed up with the industry.

"I was a spokesman for BlueCross and Blueshield of Florida," Cobb says. "Call me a spokesjerk. People who make money for buying things you don't need. And we're telling you lies."
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Smiley

DUI Suspect to Cop: 'Dude, I Do This Every Night'


Chicago Breaking News Center
Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:18 UTC
Image
© CBN
A northwest Indiana man was arrested early this morning near Portage for driving with a blood-alcohol level almost four times the state's legal limit of .08 percent.

"Dude, I do this every night; I'm straight up and not drunk!" Zachary R. Duis told an Indiana state trooper after he was pulled over, police said.

Duis, 24, of Portage, was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He was also wanted on two warrants out of Porter County for resisting law enforcement and furnishing alcohol to a minor, both misdemeanors.

About 2:20 a.m., the Porter County sheriff's department received a call about a 1995 Chevrolet S-10 pickup truck driving erratically, state police said. A sheriff's deputy pulled the truck over on State Road 149 and 1000 North.

Shortly thereafter, the trooper arrived on the scene. Duis failed field sobriety tests and was taken to the Portage Police Department for a certified breath test, state police said.
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Mr. Potato

South Korean Woman Passes Driver's Exam on 950th Try


The Associated Press
Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:00 UTC
Sa-soon
© AP Photo/Yonhap, Kim Dong-chul68-year-old South Korean woman Cha Sa-soon shows her application form for a driver's license in Wanju, south of Seoul, South Korea.
A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time.

The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers' license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul.

Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said.
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Arrow Down

Large Hadron Collider Stalled Again...Thanks to Chunk of Baguette

Nico Hines
Times
Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:00 UTC
Bagel
© iStockphotoA spokesman for CERN told The Times: 'Nobody knows how it got there. The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane'
The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette.

The £4 billion particle-collider faced more than a year of delays after a helium leak stymied the project in its first few days of operation. It is gradually being switched back on over the coming months but suffered a new setback on Tuesday morning.

Scientists at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva noticed that the system's carefully monitored temperatures were creeping up.

Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit.
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Sheeple

Irish Tricolours daubed on Protestant farmer's sheep

Adrian Rutherford
Independent.ie
Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:34 UTC
Image
© UnknownSerious and sheepish sectarian attack. Obviously the work of dyed in the wool republicans.
Six pregnant sheep belonging to a Protestant farmer from Co Tyrone have been daubed with Irish tricolours in an apparent sectarian attack.

The sheep had been left to graze in an isolated field near Ardboe when their coats were covered in green and orange paint to resemble a tricolour.

According to the farmer, who does not want to be identified, there has been an upsurge in sectarian attacks in recent weeks.

He said the ewes were pregnant and fears that some may lose their unborn lambs as a result of the stress they suffered during the incident.
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Oscar

Sarah Palin victory and defeat speeches leaked

Alex Spillius
Independent.ie
Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:16 UTC
Image
© Unknown
Leaked copies of two speeches Sarah Palin prepared for last year's US election night have revealed she planned to salute her husband Todd as the nation's "first ever Second Dude" in the event of victory.

In defeat, which she suffered with Senator John McCain at the hands of Barack Obama and Joe Biden, the Republican vice-presidential candidate wanted to tell Todd to "get ready for the Iron Dog snow machine race!".

A new book, Sarah from Alaska, details how the then state governor fought tooth and nail to introduce Sen McCain on stage in his home town of Phoenix, Arizona, in the early hours of the morning.

She decided not to tell her own staff members that permission had been denied by senior McCain staff hours before the candidates took the stage, apparently in the hope of a last minute reprieve.
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