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Sun, 16 Jan 2022
The World for People who Think

Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Catfish vs. Basketball

A nature lover north of Sydney has saved a catfish stuck at the surface of a lake after swallowing a basketball.

The man saw a basketball bobbing on the surface of Lake Macquarie and went to investigate.

©The Daily Telegraph
More than he could chew ... a catfish flathead in Lake Macquarie near Newcastle was stuck to the surface after swallowing a basketball.


'Bigfoot' expedition planned in Michigan

MANISTIQUE - Researchers will visit Michigan's Upper Peninsula next month to search for evidence of the legendary creature known as "Bigfoot" or "Sasquatch."

Bizarro Earth

Charles' organic carrots rejected by Sainsbury's for being 'rotten'

Prince Charles, self-appointed champion of organic farming, has had his carrots rejected by Sainsbury's because they were found to be rotten.

The decision to turn down the vegetables, which Prince Charles sells under his Duchy Originals brand, emerged on the same day that figures revealed the Prince of Wales is investing more than ever in his organic farming and gardening enterprises.

Annual accounts published by Clarence House show the Prince received a record income of more than £14m in 2005-06 and that he spent 37 per cent more on his organic gardens - £41,000 in total.

But the business disagreement with Sainsbury's highlights a growing tension between organic farmers and supermarkets, which Prince Charles once accused of discriminating against "wibbly-wobbly" vegetables. Sainsbury's also rejected carrots supplied by the head of the Soil Association, Patrick Holden.


Blair ain't my poodle says Bush. He knows how to talk. Ruff, ruff!

President George Bush urged Tony Blair to STAY in power until he quit the White House.

The US leader tried to persuade the PM to complete a full term in office so they could leave power together.

President Bush told The Sun in a world exclusive interview: "Tony's had a great run and history will judge him kindly. He's a very talented man, for whom I've got a great deal of respect.

"I selfishly said to him, 'I hope you can stay out my term!'

"But Tony has been very gracious about Gordon Brown to me."

Mr Bush joked of the new Premier: "Gordon came here and he wasn't the image of the dour Scotsman at all! He was relaxed. It was a good meeting."

Light Saber

Pub landlord fights smoke ban by declaring his boozer an embassy

For pub-goers who enjoy a cigarette with their drink, next week's ban will make England a very different place.

So one landlord has claims to have found a loophole to fight the new law - by declaring his pub to be part of a different country.

Landlord Bob Beech, right, at The Wellington Arms in Southampton with regular Edward Elder, an old sailing pal of the Island's king and a regular at the pub who knighted Sir Bob in a ceremony this month.

The Wellington Arms in Southampton is set to transform itself from a public house into the official embassy for a tiny Caribbean island.

Comment: Fight imbecility and absurdity with creativity!


Blair to return to Mossad post says Israel

Mossad insists Blair serves out his remaining contract or will dock his pension

Israeli sources have repudiated reports that the Bush Administration will employ UK Prime Monster as some sort of Middle East Mr Fix-it and insisted that when he steps down from his job as UK Prime Monster of June 27 he will return to Tel Aviv and his former Mossad desk job.

"Under the terms of his job contract Blair has to serve out the remaining five years left in Tel Aviv," a senior Israeli defense ministry source said today.

"Naturally we're disappointed that he didn't find the WMDs we planted for him around Iraq and his final pension will reflect this by way of bonus cuts.

Comment: It's funny that in a world gone mad, what is apparently a spoof is actually much closer to the truth than what passes for objective news reporting.

Grey Alien

Alien lawyer's first case

A lawyer who landed an out-of-this-world job defending people who have suffered at the hands of aliens has started his first major case.

Former industrial law specialist Jens Lorek announced last year he would defend those whose close encounters with outer space visitors left them physically and mentally shattered.

Now he has his first client - hotel chef Paul Hoffmann, 23, who claims he was kidnapped by aliens and has never been the same since.

Hoffmann said: "About two years ago a cross-shaped space ship sucked me up and took me to space. When I came around, it was daylight again."

Arrow Down

Peru celebrates tasty guinea pigs

Peru's celebration of the guinea pig included contests for the biggest, the best-dressed - and the tastiest. The second annual festival of the cuy, as guinea pigs are known in the Andes, brought brass bands into the streets of highland Churin on Sunday to celebrate all things related to the furry rodents.


Victory of Sanity over Psychopathy: Dry Cleaner Wins Missing Pants Case

A judge ruled Monday in favor of a dry cleaner that was sued for $54 million over a missing pair of pants.

The owners of Custom Cleaners did not violate the city's Consumer Protection Act by failing to live up to Roy L. Pearson's expectations of the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign once displayed in the store window, District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled.

Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay the court costs of defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y. Chung.

Pearson, an administrative law judge, originally sought $67 million from the Chungs, claiming they lost a pair of suit trousers and later tried to give him a pair that he said was not his. He arrived at the amount by adding up years of alleged law violations and almost $2 million in common law claims.

Red Flag

This wouldn't happen in Soviet union: Only half of Russians know how national flag looks

Slightly more than half of polled Russians know what the color scheme on the national flag looks like, while only one-third can cite the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, an opinion research center said Monday.

Fifty-five percent of respondents in a survey conducted by the All-Russian Center for Public Opinion Study managed to name the colors and their sequence on the national flag, while 34% were able to name the colors but failed to place them in the right order.

Only 34% of respondents remembered the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, which has the same music as the Soviet anthem, but with new words, while 32% gave the wrong answer and 35% did not answer at all.