Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Take my cat instead!

cat in car
© Unknown
A man who failed to pay a police ticket offered bailiffs, as payment, his cat in Russia's Tomsk region.

However the offer was not accepted. The cat, named Barsik, wasn't highbred and was of no value, as the Federal Bailiff Service in the Zyryanskoye village later found out.

The man was inspired by the precedent that occurred in the Siberian Kemerovo region where Bailiffs issued an arrest warrant for a five-month-old sphynx kitten. The little feline, with an estimated market value of up to $500, was to go under the hammer at an auction, but its owners paid the debt and it was released.

The Tomsk Region bailiffs say they are happy that citizens are well informed and are following the news. In their turn, bailiffs promised to closely follow the fate of Barsik and will make sure its owner will pay the debt.

Smiley

A Message From Transport Canada


Smiley

World's tallest, shortest men meet face-to-knee in Istanbul

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© Associated Press
The world's tallest and shortest men met for the first time in Istanbul for a Guinness World Records event in the city.

Sultan Kösen, who measures 8 feet 1 inch (2.47 meters), and the 2 foot 5 inch (75 centimeter) He Pingping stood side-by-side at a photo-shoot at Forum Istanbul shopping mall on Thursday, Guinness World Records said on its Web site.

Pingping, from China, reached the height of Kosen's knee. He was shown clutching Kösen's fore-finger in a make-shift hand-shake in photos published by Guinness.

Source: Bloomberg

Mr. Potato

Why Stop at Banks? 13 Other Great Taxes

Okay, so there are lots of problems with the "Goldman Tax" that President Obama wants to enact. Goldman Sachs and the other big banks that would pay this new levy--officially called the Financial Crisis Responsibility Fee--will probably just pass the $90 billion cost onto consumers. It might be hard to police loopholes and exemptions. It could put rapacious American banks a step behind the rapacious foreign banks they compete with. And it might disrupt all that bank capital that's been gushing into the real economy, helping it heal so rapidly.

But those aren't reasons to kill the tax. They're reasons to have MORE revenue-raisers like the Goldman Tax. The government is desperate for money, after all, and taxpayers are going to cough it up one way or the other, no matter where the tax starts. So here are some other "responsibility fees" that would bring in needed funds while encouraging Americans to behave better:

The double-secret-derivative tax. A surcharge on whatever securities Wall Street dreams up to replace CDOs, CLOs, CSOs, SFCDOs, CDO-squareds, CDO-cubeds, and commercial-real-estate CDOs. Since it will take the government 10 years to figure out what these are, this tax would be retroactive with no statute of limitations.

Smiley

Satire: Dubai Debt Crisis Halts Building Of World's Largest Indoor Mountain Range

Dubai
© The OnionPlanners continue to take future reservations for the mountains' 9 and 10-star hotels.
Dubai - Representatives from the emirate of Dubai announced with disappointment this week that its recent debt crisis has forced developers to halt construction on the city's long-planned 22-mile-long indoor mountain range.

The culmination of a decade's worth of ambitious and expensive building projects, Dubai's estimated $100 billion debt officially brought work on the artificial mountain range to a stop on Tuesday.

"This is a very sad day for the emirate of Dubai," Crown Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed al-Maktoum told reporters at a press conference held inside the gold-plated anti-gravity chamber in his palace. "Although I believe it is the basic right of all who visit us to be able to scale to the top of a 15,000-foot-tall manmade snowcap, these tough economic times have made it an impossibility. Never before has our proud municipality faced such a grave crisis."

Snowman

Two men arrested after driving car down frozen canal in Scotland

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© Andrew Milligan/PAThe Peugeot 406 car after it went through ice covering the Union Canal in Winchburgh, West Lothian.
Two men have been arrested after trying to make the best of the cold spell by driving a car down a frozen canal - only to plunge into the icy water.

The pair were driving on the Union Canal, which runs from Edinburgh to Falkirk, near Winchburgh, West Lothian, yesterday afternoon when the ice gave way beneath them, police said.

The men, aged 22 and 24, escaped but were arrested and charged with reckless conduct after emergency services discovered the car. They will appear in court at a later date.

A Lothian and Borders police spokesman described the prank as "stupidity". "There is no doubt that these two individuals had a lucky escape, and had the canal been deeper there could very well have been a different outcome," he said.

Snowman

England: Police rapped for riot shield sledge stunt


A group of policemen filmed using a riot shield as a makeshift toboggan have been reprimanded for the prank.

A passer-by filmed the moment Thames Valley Police officers arrived at the slope in Berkeley Road, Boars Hill, Oxford, in a riot van.

Ladybug

Sexed-up Global Warming: Miss Earth hits the catwalk with a beauty contest from a different planet

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© ReutersMiss Earth 2009 contestants in Manila.
This is wrong on so many levels it's really hard to know where to start. News has reached us that the UK regional heats are now open for the Miss Earth Girls 2010 beauty pageant. I kid you not. Try not to retch as you read through this press release :
Applications are now invited from beautiful, passionate eco-warring young women across the UK to enter the 2010 Miss Earth Girls contest. Between January and April as many girls aged between 18-26 who combine a love for the planet with beauty, poise and grace, are encouraged to enter their regional heats online... Modernising the traditional focus of the "beauty pageant" and bringing beauty contests firmly into the 21st century, the main focus of the event is to empower the entrants to focus on and promote environmental awareness. During their participation, the girls plant trees, raise funds for their own chosen charities, attend environmental activities, act as spokeswomen for environmental thoughts and educate people on green issues, in particular the three Rs (reduce, reuse and recycle).

Smiley

Grayson suggests Satan wrote introduction to Cheney's book


Speaking on MSNBC's The Ed Show Monday night, the sharp-tongued Democratic congressman from Florida, Alan Grayson, delivered a fresh blow to erstwhile Vice President Dick Cheney (who now offers frequent exclusives to Politico on his critiques of President Barack Obama).

"What would you say to Dick Cheney to his face if you had the chance because he doesn't present himself to anybody that speaks the truth?" MSNBC's Ed Schultz asked.

Grayson argued that Cheney seems to be simply promoting his book.

Mr. Potato

Ignatious Reilly: Connecting the Farce

The war on people who are working harder than us.

That's right folks, the U.S. is officially peeved at China. Why? Because they work harder than us. At the core of the issue is all of the jobs going to China, the U.S. is essentially whining because...They're making us look like bums. Never mind, of course, that it is our own U.S. Corporations who have outsourced these jobs to make higher profits off of us selling Chinese made goods back to us, while stealing our jobs.