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USA

Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket

WASHINGTON - Presidential hopefuls John McCain (R-AZ), Barack Obama (D-IL), and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) announced Monday their plans to form what many Beltway observers have already dubbed the "2008 Nightmare Ticket," a calculated move that political analysts say offers voters the worst of both worlds.

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©Onion
Even without any opponent, the ticket intends to triple campaign ad spending.

Bulb

High gas prices drive farmer to switch to mules

MCMINNVILLE, Tenn. - High gas prices have driven a Warren County farmer and his sons to hitch a tractor rake to a pair of mules to gather hay from their fields. T.R. Raymond bought Dolly and Molly at the Dixon mule sale last year. Son Danny Raymond trained them and also modified the tractor rake so the mules could pull it.

Cult

Tokens of doom: Chinese Olympic mascots seen as signs of times

HONG KONG: Superstitious bloggers have linked China's earthquake disaster and other recent misfortunes to the five Olympic mascots, a Hong Kong newspaper reported yesterday.

Eye 1

The Saudi woman who wants a divorce - because her husband tried to sneak one look at her face after 30 years of marriage

After 30 years of marriage, cynics might say most husbands and wives would have seen quite enough of each other, thank you very much.

But not in the case of one Saudi Arabian man who managed to live with his wife for three decades without setting eyes on her face.

Not that he had much choice about it. His 50-year-old wife followed the tradition of her native village near the south-western city of Khamis Mushayt and kept her features veiled at all times.

Until one night last month, that is, when the husband was finally overcome by curiosity and tried to lift his wife's veil as she slept to take a look at her face.

Padlock

Mexican donkey jailed for ornery behavior

A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery.

The animal was locked up at a local jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances after it bit and kicked two men near a ranch in Chiapas state, police said Monday.

Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men's medical bills.

"Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed," Gomez said - "no matter who they are."

Smiley

Japan: Lost parrot tells veterinarian his address

When Yosuke the parrot flew out of his cage and got lost, he did exactly what he had been taught - recite his name and address to a stranger willing to help.

Police rescued the African grey parrot two weeks ago from a neighbor's roof in the city of Nagareyama, near Tokyo. After spending a night at the station, he was transferred to a nearby veterinary hospital while police searched for clues, local policeman Shinjiro Uemura said.

He kept mum with the cops, but began chatting after a few days with the vet.

Wine

Naked pilot, flight attendant arrested in woods

HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania - An airline pilot was found hiding behind a shed wearing only flip-flops and a wristwatch as a nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant ended with both under arrest, police said.

Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on the outskirts of Harrisburg on Sunday night before they apparently decided to walk into the woods, police said.

Beer

Woman nabbed for alleged DUI at same crash spot

Truckee, Calif. - Call it drunken driving deja vu. For the second time in five months, a 23-year-old California woman has been arrested after she allegedly crashed her car while driving under the influence at the exact same spot north of Lake Tahoe.

Magic Wand

$150 million battle to keep The Secret

THE Australian director of the international self-help phenomenon The Secret is suing its creator Rhonda Byrne for $150 million.

Comment: It seems that the Law of Attraction is more of a "Guideline"...


Smiley

Baby subpoenaed for unpaid chiropractor bill

Harrisonburg, Virginia - A Harrisonburg court has dismissed a case against a baby boy summoned to appear in court for an unpaid bill. Richard White said he was shocked when he got a subpoena in the mail requiring his 1-year-old son, Jacy, to appear in Rockingham County General District Court next Tuesday over a $391 chiropractor bill.