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Tue, 30 Aug 2016
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Smiley

Downing Street curse? John Kerry the latest to be doorstepped by No.10

© Toby Melville / Reuters
The US secretary of state has joined the long list of red-faced politicians to make an embarrassing blunder outside No.10 Downing Street.

This time, John Kerry was making his way into UK Prime Minister Theresa May's office when he stopped on the famous doorstep to pose for the assembled media.

However, the (apparently "excellent") "doorkeeper" inside failed quite epically, letting the door swing back, hitting Kerry from behind.

Kerry attempted a recovery, awkwardly ignoring the assault-by-door and quickly dashing inside. Thankfully, for us, the cameras were rolling for our giffing pleasure.

Smiley

Group that's always wrong, predicts end of the world on July 29

© Knoxville News Sentinel
You might want to pencil in the apocalypse for July 29, 2016 ... just in case.
The group End Times Prophecies has declared the world will end July 29 in a chain of events prompted by an ongoing phenomenon known as a polar flip.

The good news: We can stop worrying about who will be the next President.

A 17-minute "Armageddon News" video, posted on YouTube on July 9 and viewed more than half a million times, explains the end-of-the world theory as a modulated female voice reads through a variety of biblical quotes, illustrated with cheap special effects that couldn't buy Michael Bay a cup of coffee.

The Armageddon News report says, "The polar flip will make the stars race across the sky, and the vacuum from the reeling of the Earth will pull the atmosphere along the ground, trying to catch up, creating what is known as a roll cloud."

Well, at least the polar flip is real.

Smiley

Britian's 'First Hubby' husband steals the show in sexy navy suit as he starts new life in 10 Downing Street

© Press Association
New Prime Minister Theresa May and her husband Philip John
Theresa May became Britain's new prime minister, but her husband's big fashion moment stole the show. Stepping into the limelight as First Man, Philip May showcased a sexy navy suit with a flourish of pinstripe. A single fastened button at the waist helped show off his fantastic figure and a pale blue tie brought out the colour of his eyes.

Smiley

Coiffeurgate: France revolts over presidential barber's staggering income

© REUTERS/ Philippe Wojazer
The internet went into a frenzy on Wednesday after it was revealed that the barber who styles socialist French president Francois Hollande's thinning locks is paid a whopping 9895 euros, nearly $11,000, each month.

Immediately following the revelation of his hair stylist's income, Twitter users began photoshopping him with new hairstyles which they suggested might be more deserving of the absurdly hefty fee, using the hashtag #Coffieurgate.

Cow Skull

Spanish bull community claim killing matadors part of culture

© News Thump
The Spanish bull community has defended the cold-blooded killing of matadors, insisting that upholding of a centuries-old tradition is definitely not cruel.

Following the tragic death of matador, Victor Barrio, Madrid's bull community have remained defiant in the face of accusations of brutal and inhumane acts conducted to sate the bloodlust of baying spectators. A spokesperson for the bull community told us, "Look - we regularly face this kind of criticism from people around the world who simply do not respect the wretched things we hold so dear.

"They say 'oh its so barbaric that you still attack and kill humans in cold blood for fun whilst other bulls stand around cheering and singing - we can't believe you still do that stuff'.

"But simply stopping the horrible things you've been doing for generations is extremely difficult - American Law Enforcement can attest to that.

"Besides - Matadors have very sharp spears which they stick in us and wave around capes coloured an infuriating shade of red - what's to like?

Former Matador, Javier Gomes, agreed it was important for bull's to retain the right to conduct barbaric acts in the name of perpetuating national heritage.

"Every once in a while we need bull's to redress the balance.

"Generally speaking, a bull killing a matador is extremely rare.

"Frankly, there is more chance of Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom doing a girl-on-girl scene for Playboy."

Bullseye

Jeremy Corbyn may have been proved right on Iraq - but he's hopeless on the important matter of doing up his tie

© AFP/ Getty
Jeremy Corbyn, now Labour leader, was among the then backbenchers who opposed the invasion of Iraq

Like Tony Blair, we were all duped by the intelligence on Saddam Hussein - except for the millions that went on marches, and Nelson Mandela, and France, and the Pope, and the chief weapons inspector, and Robin Cook


The most important thing is Tony Blair insists he made his decision "in good faith". So it hardly matters that a two-and-a-half-million-word official report finds him responsible for incalculable global carnage, because he says he meant well. It's just like if you drive the wrong way up the motorway and cause 40 deaths in a pile-up, you haven't done anything wrong if you thought you were going the right way.

When asked whether he regrets going to war, Blair repeated that he's not sorry for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. But that wasn't the question. It's similar to Oscar Pistorius answering a question about whether he regrets his decision to shoot by saying "I don't regret getting rid of that bathroom door, I'd been meaning to get it replaced for months". In any case, even the man filmed in 2003 smashing Saddam's statue with a hammer said in an interview: "If I met Tony Blair I would spit in his face."

Yet there were still MPs who voted for the war, who yesterday claimed the people of Iraq were grateful for Blair's actions. Maybe they're right, and spitting in your face is one of those customs that means different things in different countries - when you come back from Iraq drenched in gob it means they adore you.

One of these MPs, Ann Clwyd, said yesterday it was too easy to "make judgements with hindsight." But the Chilcot report says the outcome of the Iraq War "did not require the benefits of hindsight", as every aspect of the disaster was "explicitly identified before the invasion".

USA

Black lives don't matter rules US Supreme Court

© Waterford Whispers News
The long running legal challenge by US citizens to have American society confirm that black lives matter has failed in the US Supreme Court, with 5 Supreme Court Justices voting to confirm that on all available evidence, they simply don't matter.

"Eh, nice try, but come on, we watch the news so we know they don't matter," one Supreme Court Justice is believed to have remarked while discussing the court's ruling, "a ruling to the contrary would just be giving African Americans false hope, and that's cruel".

"While there was a wealth of evidence presented as part of US citizen's challenge, it just didn't cut it when countered with instances of African Americans being shot by police officers on a regular basis with no action taken," legal expert Roland Dempsey shared with WWN shortly before being shot by police on suspicion of being black.

President Obama expressed disappointment at the decision, which will directly affect him after the upcoming presidential election, when his current status of 'president' will be downgraded to 'African American'.

Smiley

6 links that totally destroy any credibility Corbyn has left

© Peter Nicholls / Reuters
Jeremy Corbyn
How the mighty have fallen. Just a few weeks ago, Stalinist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, was the Golden Boy of the British Left.

But now, Corbyn is coming under fire for his alleged links to extremists and racists.

Corbyn has already confessed that he's been in the same room as people who've gone on to say bad things.

But it doesn't stop there. Here, on this blog, we can exclusively reveal 6 more links Corbyn doesn't want you to know about.

Black Cat 2

6-month-old kitten turns on faucet, floods animal shelter in Florida

© Antonio Ciufo/Getty Images
Mischieveous kitty
A cat came with a flood warning when it was adopted from a Florida animal shelter.

Officials at the Florida Humane Society in Pompano Beach told the Miami Herald that one of its cats turned on a faucet last week, leaving the water to run for 17 hours.

President Carol Ebert says the flooding caused water to run out the shelter's back door. No animals were injured, but the shelter is seeking donations to repair floors, cabinets and other damage estimated around $5,000.

Volunteer Terry Arbour says the shelter suspects a 6-month-old kitten known to play in the sinks.

The cat's name was not released. Arbour says the cat was recently adopted and its new owners were told it was "intelligent enough to turn on water faucets."

Target

Iranian 'Hulk' signs up to help crush ISIS in Syria

© sajadgharibii / Instagram
Iran could be set to unleash a weapon of mass destruction on Islamic State fighters - in the form of 24-stone super soldier Sajad Gharibi. His monster physique has seen him compared to comic book hero 'The Hulk'.

Gharibi can reportedly lift loads of up to 175kg (386lb) and in recent months amassed a huge following via social media, posting pictures of himself lifting large iron weights.

The 24-year-old giant has now announced his intention to fight terrorism by stepping in to help Bashar Assad's forces crush Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL) in Syria, report BBC Persian.

Also referred to as the 'Persian Hercules', Gharibi reportedly revealed his decision to join his nation's military support for the Assad regime on Instagram.