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Fri, 28 Oct 2016
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Jonathan Pie: 'Unelectable' Jeremy Corbyn elected again!

British reporter Jonathan Pie obliterates the notion that victorious Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn is "unelectable"... after he gets elected... again.

Pie is horrified that the media, once again, cannot come to terms with fact that Jeremy Corbyn is... The Leader of The British Labour Party.

Warning: contains strong language

For more hilariously, tragically, true news reports, check out Pie's Facebook page and his YouTube channel.


Juice Rap News: 2016 USA Election

© YouTube/the juice media (screen capture)
Hello world. RAP NEWS is back for a special episode on the 2016 USA Election mayhem, feat. Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump + a touch of Jill Stein & Gary Johnson. This one's dedicated to all the Rap News fans out there!

Comment: The hacked US elections: The dismal reality of having no real electoral choices


Oops! Chinese and Russian radar can still see the $4.4 Billion "invisible" USS Zumwalt

© Stuart Rankin/Flicker
The DDG 1000, also known as the USS Zumwalt, is the Pentagon’s $3 billion guided-missile destroyer.
The 'invisible' American Zumwalt broke down after water got into the lubrication system. In addition, this giant, created as invisible, couldn't evade Russian and Chinese radar.

The newest U.S. Navy destroyer Zumwalt was not only one of the most expensive in history, but also the most inefficient. New faults were found in its design, reports USNI News. The lubrication system is not working, responsible for the maintenance of the propeller shaft of the ship. It has taken in water, when the destroyer went to sea at the naval base in Norfolk during the current stage of testing. Repairs are expected to take no less than two weeks.

Zumwalt was launched in 2013. Its construction cost the U.S. tax payers $4.4 billion dollars. The 'highlight' of the project is that almost all the ship's systems are driven by electricity, and internal combustion engines are only needed to produce the current. That is, any leak becomes mortally dangerous, both for the ship and crew.

Because of the unusual shape and the use of radio-silencing material the USS Zumwalt is able to be invisible to radar. However, this invisibility has played a cruel joke with the Americans. As soon as the ship first went to sea, complaints from alarmed merchant ships poured in. Their radar saw "just a fishing boat," and when the destroyer was in sight, they were forced to urgently scramble to change course.

And one more detail: the destroyer was invisible for everyone, except for the Russian and Chinese radars. They operate on a different frequency and can see Zumwalt very clearly, even despite the fact that it cost $4.4 billion.

The Navy has not yet received the ship officially. The transfer is expected in 2016, apparently, only the problems are fixed.

Via Tsargrad.tv- Translated from Russian by Kristina Kharlova

Comment: U.S. tax dollars at work.


According to Google searches, Europeans not keen on Brits

© Toby Melville / Reuters
Many might have long suspected it, but now Google may have provided some form of proof - that Continental Europeans are not fans of the British charms.

According to Google's autocomplete feature, which predicts users' questions using the site's most searched terms, the rest of Europe has a pretty low opinion of the United Kingdom.

Countries such as the Netherlands seem to wonder why Britons are so "ugly," and the Portuguese seem confused over why the English are "cry babies."

Germany doesn't seem to hold the Brits much higher in esteem, often asking Google: "Why are the British so stupid?"

But perhaps the Italians are the most unimpressed with good ol' Blighty, wanting to know why its inhabitants are "dirty."

According to the marketing wizards behind Search Laboratory, the Italians have a point: research has shown that the Brits don't shower as often as other nations.

Other neighboring nations seemed to simply find British habits perplexing. Hungarians don't understand why milk should be added to tea, and Lithuanians are baffled as to why people drive on the left in the UK.

Comment: We tried this out for ourselves. If you type 'why are the english' into Google, these are some of the suggestions provided:

Cow Skull

CIA trolled by Siberians who claimed to have top secret Russian military data

© Kevin Lamarque / Reuters
Two men from a remote Siberian town got in touch with the CIA aiming to sell top-secret military data. Russian intelligence found out, but let the would-be spies off with a warning - because the 'secrets' were entirely made-up.

"In 2015, a [Siberian town of] Borzya resident, born in 1993, left a message on the CIA website, offering to sell some secret information on the Russian military to US intelligence,"a source in the regional directorate of Russia's Federal Security Service (FSB) told TASS. "Shortly after he got a reply. The CIA took the bait and started asking questions."

The US agency started actively inquiring about the routine of Russian military facilities, although for some reason the CIA representatives chose to avoid the subject of money, the source said.


A wasteful life? Darth Vader picks up trash alongside Virginia highway

A Virginia man who adopted a stretch of highway under the name Darth Vader donned the costume of the Star Wars character while cleaning up roadside trash.

Darth Vader, aka Henry Wakley, was spotted Thursday wearing a version of the Sith Lord's costume with an orange reflective vest at the side of Route 460 in Blacksburg.

Wakley adopted the stretch of highway last year and a sign at the side of the road states it was adopted by "Darth Vader."

Wakley, who spends most of his time in New Zealand on business, said he decided to don Darth Vader's robes and pick up some trash while in town for a couple of weeks.

Black Cat 2

Norway: Heavy metal musician elected to city council against his will

Gylve “Fenriz” Nagell
Gylve "Fenriz" Nagell, a heavy metal musician with the band "Darkthrone" was recently elected to his town's council, against his will. Fenriz has no interest in politics, but in his area that doesn't matter — if you are nominated and elected, you have earned the position whether you like it or not.

When Fenriz was first nominated for the position, he put signs up for his campaign showing him holding a cat, with the words "Please Don't Vote For Me." Naturally, the campaign backfired and everyone loved the signs, and eventually did vote him into office.

Speaking in a recent interview with CLRVYNT, Fenriz said,"I got voted in as a politician — involuntarily, I might add. So, I've got some support, I guess. But Kolbotn is a tiny place, maybe 9,000 people."


Native American council offers partial amnesty to 220 million illegal white immigrants

A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States. The "white" problem has been a topic of much debate in the Native American community for centuries, and community leaders have decided the time has come to properly address it.*

Daily Currant reports, "At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent's large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds."

"We are prepared to offer White people the option of staying on this continent legally and applying for citizenship," explains Chief Wamsutta of the Wampanoag nation. "In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.

Cell Phone

Morons buying the latest new overpriced phones

© News Thump
A brand new telephone has gone on sale today, leading to huge numbers of both idiots and morons queuing up to buy one.

"This is literally the greatest day of my life," said Simon Williams, an idiot from Brighton.

"I've bought an incredibly overpriced telephone because of marketing. I love being me.

"The only thing that could be better than this would be this time next year when marketing tells me to buy a different phone!"

Like millions of other imbeciles, Mr Williams will be the envy of all his friends who still use normal headphones because he will have to use proprietary headphones.

"Normal headphones must be rubbish or marketing wouldn't have told me to buy proprietary headphones.

"I mean, that's just science."

The new telephone is largely similar to the old telephone except for being considerably more expensive, lacking a critical hole and coming in an exciting new box.

Like the previous telephone, the new telephone is expected to still be used mainly for pornography and Pokemon Go, with any minor technological improvements likely to have no noticeable effect.

It is understood that Tim Cook and the rest of the Apple board continue to pinch themselves.


Impoverished and war torn Israel gets $38bn from America

© Waterford Whispers News
IN a kind hearted and generous gesture to one of the world's most impoverished and war torn countries, the United States of America has offered to donate a whopping $38bn to the desperate people of Israel, WWN has learned today.

The donation, which represents the largest pledge the US has made to any country, will enshrine funding for Israel's reconstruction and expansion across the West Bank, in a bid to get the fragile nation 'back on its feet', after years of oppression from Iran and terrorist groups like Hamas, who razed Israel to the ground over the past decade.

"I was debating with myself for ages what to spend this extra money we found in our neverending banking reserves on; regenerating impoverished cities? Ending the escalation in racism? Gun control? Drug addiction? Water pollution? And then I remembered about poor old Israel!" President of the United States Barack Obama explained.

"There is no other nation in the world I can think that truly deserves this ludicrous sum of money," adding, "hopefully Mr. Netanyahu will spend it wisely, for the greater good of mankind".

The donation, known as a memorandum of don't tell everyone our dirty secrets (MODTEODS), will see $3.8bn a year in aid delivered to the cash-strapped state.

Following news of the donation, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu requested another $10bn 'if America could spare it', but later settled on the agreed $38bn and a few stray airstrikes on its enemies.

"$22,000 per Palestinian ought to do it... cheers!" the Israeli PM said, thanking Obama.