OF THE
TIMES
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I once snowboarded a Snorenado.
It was a great day; conditions perfect, except for the wind.
A part of the mountain's fall line had matching gullies on either side which were almost 90 degrees off the prevailing NW winds.
I was competing in a Snowboarding Giant Slalom, at at that speed all you can really see is where you are going, and if clearly or not.
Next I knew, instead of taking the course's next right, I was inside a whirling vortex. I found myself being pulled up into it, into heights that would have scared Poe's least nervous narrators... (whatever that means).
I realized that I would keep going up, So I decided to pull a reverse 720 railgrab... and....
"The result was precisely what I had hoped it might be. As it is myself who now tells you this tale — as you see that I did escape — and as you are already in possession of the mode in which this escape was effected, and must therefore anticipate all that I have farther to say — I will bring my story quickly to conclusion."
I managed to board down INTO and upwards into the internal walls of the Snownado.
But as soon as I had done so, it had begun to move UP the mountain! I finally landed again at the starting gate, I thus lost 84 seconds in my final time, and, given that the snownado took me there via a shortcut across the second turn, (and as the ultimate insult), I was disqualified for having 'gone out of bounds!"
"But I now tell it to you — and I can scarcely expect you to put more faith in it than did the merry snowboarders of Lofoden."*
(T'was only then I realized that it was NO SNOWnado, but a SNOREnado, as it was just then I awoke.)
Such was my ASCENT "into the Maelstrom."
R.C.
(With apologies to E.A. Poe, A DESCENT INTO THE MAELSTRÖM, http://www.eapoe.org/works/mabbott/tom2t044.htm)
RC