But controllers are out there. They want to micromanage what you say, how you act, even what you think quietly in your own mind. It could be your boss, your spouse, or even your parent. You can't be yourself around them. They insist on being your top priority and want undue influence over your life. They might push your buttons to get an emotional reaction out of you because they want to exploit it as weakness. They have no respect for you or your boundaries.
There are plenty of theories why someone would want to control you. One is that people who can't control themselves turn to controlling others. This happens on an emotional level. A person full of insecurities has to exact a positive sense of self from other people because their self esteem is too low to do it for themselves.
Maybe people control because they are afraid of being abandoned. They don't feel secure in their relationships and are often testing to see if they're about to be betrayed. The paradox is that their behavior creates exactly what they fear the most.
Perhaps controlling people are narcissists looking to control their environment by any means necessary. This would mean other people are pawns. They're useful tools in the narcissist's world to be used as he or she pleases. It's nothing personal — you're just a good pawn. The problem with this perspective is that controlling bullies often make us wonder, "Why me?" If it's really nothing personal, "Why do I feel like a target?"
The simplest reason is that you're a good, admirable person. There's nothing wrong with you. You don't have a target on your back, and you don't deserve to be disrespected. It may sound like a radical concept, but what the controller wants is what you've got:
- You're able to feel good about yourself consistently and without constant reminders from the outside world that you're worthy.
- You're secure in your accomplishments, your status, and your overall place in life.
- Your attention makes other people feel good.
- You can feel good about other people's success — you're not intimidated by others good fortune.
While there's definitely an explanation for why the controller is the way they are, it doesn't matter. It's time to reclaim your power and focus on your own needs. This means setting steadfast boundaries and keeping the controller from stepping foot on the other side. Decide what you're no longer willing to sacrifice. Some examples include:
- No longer be made to feel like your ideas and contributions don't matter.
- Not letting them belittle your accomplishments and talk down to you.
- Not allowing anyone to push your buttons.
- Not willing not subjugate your own needs for this person.
Make it perfectly clear to yourself each day that you're in the driver's seat and you're not looking for anyone else to fill that position.
I've been around controlling people all of my life. (some worse than others, of course)
In the last few years, I've begun distancing myself from those types, and naturally the 'friends' are few and far between.
Some whom I thought were friends for a long time, I found out otherwise. It took awhile, and they had many chances given.
The thing is, these "people" (I use that term loosely) are the type who will screw over anyone to get what they want. They pander to whomever they are around, then stab others in the back. They manipulate to get others to do THEIR work, scam for whatever they can get for free, steal from their alleged best friends, do all kinds of degenerate things and then act like they're squeeky clean.
They really creep me out, and make me angry. I wish they would stay away from me, but they always seem to find some random reason to visit, be nosy, and try again to scam whatever they can out of me. That whole family is just so messed up, and they are not all of the same blood, so it's not just a genetic thing. I could be very specific, but suffice it to say that if I were to put some of that here readers would want to know more, as these $^%#ers should be locked up!