israel bombing gaza
© Associated Press
Smoke and debris rise after an Israeli strike on the Gaza Strip seen from the Israeli side of the Israel Gaza Border, Wednesday, July 9, 2014. Since the Gaza offensive began Tuesday, Israel has attacked more than 400 sites in Gaza
Right now Israel is bombing Gaza into oblivion... again. It doesn't really matter when you read this. Two years from now you will probably be able to overlay the gist of the story over the headlines of the day, and it will still be relevant.

What was the excuse this time? Oh right... three Jewish teenagers were killed by some unknown person or persons. Most assume that someone was a Palestinian, but there was no trial. Israel of course decided that they would be handling this like any civilized country handles a murder case: by bombing an entire city.


Obviously the fact that a Palestinian boy was burned alive by Israelis the following week would have no bearing on the collective punishment that was to be doled out. It was payback time, and this wasn't going to be a light tit-for-tat airstrike. No, they were going to do this right: full out bombardment and ground troops. Time to reduce the rubble of Gaza down to a more manageable patch of sand (or better yet smear it off the map completely).

So Tuesday it began, and so far forty or so Palestinians have been killed, at least eight of them children, but anyone who knows Israeli math understands that we still have a long way to go until the death of those three teenagers is balanced out. I can never remember how many brown skinned corpses a single white corpse is worth (algebra was never my strongest subject).

The good news is that we can count on the U.S. media to give us a play by play account of every homemade rocket being fired out of Palestine. So far no Israelis have been killed by them, but it's still very dramatic to hear about, and it helps keep the attention off the images of dismembered Palestinian women and children in the streets. Whatever is left of the collective consciousness is then sponged up by the World Cup. Can you believe how Germany ran up the score on Brazil last night? What an outrage!

That friendly media coverage is almost as helpful as the three billion dollars the United States sends Israel each year. Almost. Of course some will always say that Israel shouldn't be getting U.S. tax dollars like this, especially when you have cities like Detroit crumbling in on themselves, but I'm sure you'll agree that Israel's desire to bomb its neighbors significantly outweighs such petty concerns. Think of it as a down payment towards the glass crater we've been saving up for in the middle east.

We will of course continue whine about other discretionary spending, but our nation's commitment to propping up Israel (and Kiev, and the Syrian rebels) is sacrosanct. Why? Don't ask silly questions like that. Go watch Fox news and get back to me once you've rewritten what little you know about history. Geez.

Speaking of history I think it's worth commemorating the progress we've made over the past 50 years. Take a gander at the map below and just imagine what it will look like in a decade. Inspiring isn't it?
Israel palestine map
Of course even once we've pushed these little cretins off their our land we'll still have a problem on our hands. It turns out that around twenty percent of Israel's current population is Palestinian. That's why it's so important that we force the Palestinians to agree that Israel is and will always be a "Jewish state" as a condition for not bombing them. That way we can deal with this pesky ethnic contamination as an immigration problem. Think Indian reservations 2.0, but with better PR cover.

Ooh another rocket! Sic em Bibi!