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Big Vet is watching you
Mandatory microchipping is a serious erosion of civil liberties, according to dogs.

Dogs believe government plans to microchip them all by 2016 are a step towards a totalitarian state.

Three-year-old Cairn terrier Rocky said: "Cameron is using the whole 'dangerous dogs' thing as a smokescreen. He just wants to know which dogs are members of subversive political groups.

"I can't believe a Western democracy is doing this, it's like North Korea or something.

"Well, if anyone comes near me with a hypodermic and a pair of tweezers, they're getting bitten. You can take my balls, but you can't take my freedom."

Rottweiler and conspiracy theorist Chunky said: "They don't care about us biting people or making poodles pregnant, this is really about the risk that we might stray onto secret government bases where they've got UFOs.

"Also our highly developed senses make us a constant threat to the powers-that-be. I could overhear a top-level meeting about Trident from 15 miles away if the wind was in the right direction.

"If you get caught straying, MI5 vets will remove bits of your brain until all you can do is play with squeezy bones.

"Or course, you know who's really behind all this? Right at the top, above Cameron, Obama, even above the Illuminati? Cats."