Cairo - A new audio message posted on Islamic websites, purportedly from al-Qaida leader Terrorist-in-Chief Osama bin Laden, calls on Muslims to wage jihad against the mainstream media and US and Israeli government officials for making them appear ridiculous.

The recording lamented the credulousness of Western infidels who believed the recent claims by the Western press that 'al-Qaeda' plans to use 'boob and butt bombs' in an effort to bring down Western civilization.

"Are citizens of Western nations so gullible that they believe we would blow up own asses? How the hell are we meant to scare the bejesus (praise be upon him) out of people and further both our own agenda and that of Western governments, if the CIA and MI5 insist on planting absurd stories about 'crotch' and 'boob' bombers in the press?? I mean seriously, this is getting ridiculous, it's not even fair," the message stated.

A CIA spokesperson, who declined to be named because he was not authorized to speak on the matter (but who decided to speak anyway because he had been drinking heavily) told this reporter: "Don't believe anything those dirty camel jockeys say, it's all true, they want to kill us and stop us from controlling the opium plantations in mean, they hate us because of our freezers and demolition balls," the intoxicated agent slurred before throwing up on a map of the Middle East.

In the tape, Bin Laden said the likes of Rupert Murdoch were abusing their power: "With all that money at your disposal and creative talent employed in Western propaganda printing presses, you really should do a better job of making us look dangerous. I mean, how hard can it be? We're already really scary looking!"

Last week, Zawahiri called on Muslims to stop buying The Sun newspaper in the UK and to boycott Fox News in the USA until they starting taking the terror threat seriously.

The previous three messages attributed to Bin Laden and posted online over the past nine months also refer to the 'naked scanners' at airports. In an audio message last week, Bin Laden urged airport security workers to keep their prying eyes to themselves or risk the wrath of Allah the Vengeful. However, according to the CIA asset, they could receive dispensation from Allah the Merciful if they sent copies of naked airport scans of Dick Cheney and George Bush to his secret cave in Terroristan.

In a final warning, the message said: "We've been picking up some chatter from messages posted on MI5 and CIA-sponsored web sites that suggest that more of these slanderous accusations are in the offing. So just for the record, the true resistance to the march of the American Empire have NO plans to use any cow, sheep or squirrel bombers in the foreseeable future, you have been advised!"

The White House declined to comment, saying "We don't interfere with on-going propaganda ruses."