http://www.sott.net Signs of the Times, featuring news and commentary on world events. Never wavering in our unending search for the light of truth in a pathocracy driven world! en-us Original content Copyright 2009 by Signs of the Times. For other content, see our Fair Use Policy at www.sott.net Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:54:54 -0500 http://www.sott.net/images/sottlogo_rss.jpg SOTT.net http://www.sott.net http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196313-Ex-Blue-Cross-spokesman-says-health-insurance-worst-product-in-American-history- Teaming with the liberal Brave New Films, a former Blue Cross pitchman is now pitching against Blue Cross. Andy Cobb, who once tried to sell Floridians on a Blue Cross health insurance plan, says he's fed up with the industry. "I was a spokesman for BlueCross and Blueshield of Florida," Cobb says. "Call me a spokesjerk. People who make money for buying things you don't need. And we're telling you lies." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196313-Ex-Blue-Cross-spokesman-says-health-insurance-worst-product-in-American-history- Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:54:20 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196290-DUI-Suspect-to-Cop-Dude-I-Do-This-Every-Night- A northwest Indiana man was arrested early this morning near Portage for driving with a blood-alcohol level almost four times the state's legal limit of .08 percent. "Dude, I do this every night; I'm straight up and not drunk!" Zachary R. Duis told an Indiana state trooper after he was pulled over, police said. Duis, 24, of Portage, was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He was also wanted on two warrants out of Porter County for resisting law enforcement and furnishing alcohol to a minor, both misdemeanors. About 2:20 a.m., the Porter County sheriff's department received a call about a 1995 Chevrolet S-10 pickup truck driving erratically, state police said. A sheriff's deputy pulled the truck over on State Road 149 and 1000 North. Shortly thereafter, the trooper arrived on the scene. Duis failed field sobriety tests and was taken to the Portage Police Department for a certified breath test, state police said. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196290-DUI-Suspect-to-Cop-Dude-I-Do-This-Every-Night- Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:36:00 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196287-South-Korean-Woman-Passes-Driver-s-Exam-on-950th-Try A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time. The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test. Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers' license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul. Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times. Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196287-South-Korean-Woman-Passes-Driver-s-Exam-on-950th-Try Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:25:02 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196279-Large-Hadron-Collider-Stalled-Again-Thanks-to-Chunk-of-Baguette The rehabilitation of the beleaguered Large Hadron Collider was on hold tonight after the failure of one of its powerful cooling units caused by an errant chunk of baguette. The £4 billion particle-collider faced more than a year of delays after a helium leak stymied the project in its first few days of operation. It is gradually being switched back on over the coming months but suffered a new setback on Tuesday morning. Scientists at the CERN particle physics laboratory in Geneva noticed that the system's carefully monitored temperatures were creeping up. Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196279-Large-Hadron-Collider-Stalled-Again-Thanks-to-Chunk-of-Baguette Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:25:36 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196264-Irish-Tricolours-daubed-on-Protestant-farmer-s-sheep Six pregnant sheep belonging to a Protestant farmer from Co Tyrone have been daubed with Irish tricolours in an apparent sectarian attack. The sheep had been left to graze in an isolated field near Ardboe when their coats were covered in green and orange paint to resemble a tricolour. According to the farmer, who does not want to be identified, there has been an upsurge in sectarian attacks in recent weeks. He said the ewes were pregnant and fears that some may lose their unborn lambs as a result of the stress they suffered during the incident. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196264-Irish-Tricolours-daubed-on-Protestant-farmer-s-sheep Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:55:20 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196261-Sarah-Palin-victory-and-defeat-speeches-leaked Leaked copies of two speeches Sarah Palin prepared for last year's US election night have revealed she planned to salute her husband Todd as the nation's "first ever Second Dude" in the event of victory. In defeat, which she suffered with Senator John McCain at the hands of Barack Obama and Joe Biden, the Republican vice-presidential candidate wanted to tell Todd to "get ready for the Iron Dog snow machine race!". A new book, Sarah from Alaska, details how the then state governor fought tooth and nail to introduce Sen McCain on stage in his home town of Phoenix, Arizona, in the early hours of the morning. She decided not to tell her own staff members that permission had been denied by senior McCain staff hours before the candidates took the stage, apparently in the hope of a last minute reprieve. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196261-Sarah-Palin-victory-and-defeat-speeches-leaked Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:27:18 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196252-Atlanta-Man-Rescues-a-Stray-Dog-from-Traffic-But-Ends-Up-with-10-Pooches An Atlanta man who rescued one stray dog from traffic now has his hands full with 10 pooches. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday that Gary DeNicola rescued the dog in late September with plans to take it to a shelter the next day. But it turns out the dog was pregnant and gave birth to nine puppies that night. Now DeNicola is running an animal shelter of sorts himself and he's looking for good homes for the dogs. The Atlanta Humane Society said many shelters are facing overcrowding and aren't accepting any more animals. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196252-Atlanta-Man-Rescues-a-Stray-Dog-from-Traffic-But-Ends-Up-with-10-Pooches Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:32:11 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196240-Oklahoma-You-Hit-a-What-SUV-Nearly-Slams-into-Elephant It's not unusual to see a deer or a cow crossing Oklahoma's rural highways. But an elephant? An Oklahoma couple driving home from church nearly slammed into a giant pachyderm that had escaped from a nearby circus late Wednesday. "Didn't have time to hit the brakes. The elephant blended in with the road," driver Bill Carpenter said Thursday. "At the very last second I said 'elephant!'" Carpenter, 68, said he swerved his SUV at the last second and ended up sideswiping the 29-year-old female Asian elephant on U.S. 81 in Enid, about 80 miles north of Oklahoma City. "So help me Hanna, had I hit that elephant, not swerved, it would have knocked it off its legs, and it would have landed right on top of us," he said. "We'd have been history." The couple, who own a wheat farm, weren't injured. But the 8-foot, 4,500-pound elephant was being examined Thursday for a broken tusk and a leg wound. A local veterinarian said it appeared to have escaped major injury. "I thought this can't be happening. Out here you could hit a deer or a cow, but this can't be happening. The good Lord was with us," Carpenter said. The elephant's tusk punched through the side of the SUV, tearing up sheet metal. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196240-Oklahoma-You-Hit-a-What-SUV-Nearly-Slams-into-Elephant Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:00:19 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196196-Tennessee-Man-Says-Image-of-Jesus-Appears-on-Truck-Window Jim Stevens said he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup. Stevens, of Jonesborough, said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck. A Johnson City Press photo of the truck showed a facial image. Stevens said when he first saw the image, he figured it would evaporate and not return. But it kept reappearing for two weeks now. Stevens said folks at the grocery store he goes to were amazed to see the image. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196196-Tennessee-Man-Says-Image-of-Jesus-Appears-on-Truck-Window Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:44:15 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196017-Canada-Man-Dressed-as-Purple-Teletubby-Wanted-by-Police An armed suspect dressed as an oversized purple Teletubby is wanted by police in London, Ontario in connection with a robbery on Halloween. A woman reports she was walking home alone just after midnight, when she was approached by a man dressed as a Teletubby, carrying a handgun. Police say he demanded money from the victim, then fled on foot with an amount of cash. The suspect is described as a 6 ft. 2 in. man weighing 200 to 240 pounds, with short dark hair, clean shaven, and a muscular build. No injuries are reported. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196017-Canada-Man-Dressed-as-Purple-Teletubby-Wanted-by-Police Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:35:45 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196162-Man-Appears-Alive-at-Own-Funeral-in-Brazil A Brazilian bricklayer reportedly killed in a car crash shocked his mourning family by showing up alive at his funeral. Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves, 59, had identified him as the victim of a Sunday night car crash in Parana state in southern Brazil, police said. As is customary in Brazil, the funeral was held the following day, which happened to be the holiday of Finados, when Brazilians visit cemeteries to honor the dead. What family members didn't know was that Goncalves had spent the night at a truck stop talking with friends over drinks of a sugarcane liquor known as cachaca, his niece Rosa Sampaio told the O Globo newspaper. He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening Monday morning. A police spokesman in the town of Santo Antonio da Platina said Goncalves rushed to the funeral to let family members know he was not dead. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196162-Man-Appears-Alive-at-Own-Funeral-in-Brazil Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:31:04 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196091-The-Kim-Jong-il-that-Clinton-met-was-a-fake-says-academic Was it Kim Jong-il? Or was it a fake North Korean leader that entertained Bill Clinton on that mission to Pyongyang to retrieve the two imprisoned American journalists? In the absence of fact, the Hermit Kingdom has long been a free-fire zone for outlandish rumour. And they got more outlandish than ever after Mr Kim reputedly suffered a stroke in August 2008. Mr Kim was variously said to be close to death, about to be toppled by a coup, or desperately fixing the succession for his youngest son. Or was he really someone else? The mainstay of the Kim-is-fake cottage industry is a Japanese university professor called Toshimitsu Shigemura, who once claimed that the real Mr Kim died in 2003, and that everything since has been make-believe. One Mr Kim, he maintains, even flatly confessed to a Japanese visitor, "I am a double." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196091-The-Kim-Jong-il-that-Clinton-met-was-a-fake-says-academic Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:53:48 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196083-Woman-calls-911-to-report-herself-as-drunk-driver Neilsville, Wisconsin - The call came into the 911 dispatcher: "I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm drunk." And with that, Mary Strey, 49, of Granton, reported herself as a drunken driver about three miles northeast of Neilsville in central Wisconsin. Clark County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Jim Backus said Monday that Strey's call on Oct. 24 led deputies to cite her for misdemeanor drunken driving with a blood-alcohol level double the legal limit to drive. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196083-Woman-calls-911-to-report-herself-as-drunk-driver Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:34:56 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196059-Mystery-dream-man-becomes-internet-hit-Have-you-seen-this-man-in-your-dreams- Balloon Boy has competition. It arrives at night from "This Man." An elaborate campaign is swirling around the image of a simple, bushy-browed man, who is said to be invading people's dreams. Over the past week, This Man has appeared in mainstream newspapers from England to China, as well as found a home on YouTube and countless blogs. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196059-Mystery-dream-man-becomes-internet-hit-Have-you-seen-this-man-in-your-dreams- Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:17:46 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196020-Jon-Stewart-Eviscerates-Fox-News-Video- Jon Stewart dedicated more than 11 minutes of Thursday night's show on what he calls the "hyperbolic" war between the White House and Fox News. Though he certainly gave the White House a few nudges for saying they are "speaking truth to power" by fighting with Fox, Stewart spends the majority of the segment putting together one of the best and biggest takedowns of the network we have ever seen. The meatiest part involves For News Senior Vice President Michael Clemente's claim that Fox's designated "news" hours are from 9AM to 4PM and 6-8PM. Stewart explains: For the audience here, let me help you out--because it does get confusing. The three hours you spend in the morning with "Fox & Friends": not news. Your 4 o'clock to 5 o'clock post-tea and crumpets Neil Cavudo break: not news. The 5 o'clock to 6 o'clock emotional whirlwind and national group therapy session that is Glenn Beck: not even close to news. O'Reilly, Hannity, van Susteren-en-en-en: not news. This is according to Fox News. Those people--the ones featured in promos about how fair and balanced Fox News is--are not news. These people--otherwise known as the only people you ever think of when you think of Fox News--are not news. They are Fox 'opinutainment.' That's our favorite part. Please watch and tell us what yours is: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/196020-Jon-Stewart-Eviscerates-Fox-News-Video- Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:47:31 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195992-Stay-away-from-anonymous-stock-calls-during-results-season Indian stock markets (or perhaps just India's investing media) is in the grip of someone called Mr Expector, whose behaviour is now almost as strange as the famous Mr market. Investment homilies often refer to someone called Mr Market, a character which embodies the market. The originator of Mr Market was the great Benjamin Graham, many of whose investing parables have a person called Mr Market. Invariably, Graham's Mr Market is an unstable, neurotic character who is susceptible every irrational knee-jerk that investors are capable of. While reading news reports and viewing business news about the stock markets, I have recently detected a similar character whose sole task seems to be go around expecting mutually contradictory things to happen simultaneously. As I am writing this, Mr Expector has excelled himself with some amazing expectations about the quarterly numbers of both Reliance Industries and Bharti Airtel. In both cases, the pink newspapers as well as the business channels were victims of Mr Expector's conspiracies. He told a certain set of people that both these companies' quarterly numbers will be good and another set of people that the numbers will be bad. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195992-Stay-away-from-anonymous-stock-calls-during-results-season Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:10:45 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195978-Sports-fan-dressed-as-sheep-set-alight A 24-year-old football fan dressed as a sheep suffered serious burns to his arms and legs when his suit caught fire on a train in Fife. Aberdeen fans said the man ran ablaze through the carriage as others threw beer on him to douse the flames. The Edinburgh to Aberdeen service was stopped at Kirkcaldy at about 1900 GMT on Saturday to allow him to be treated. British Transport Police said a 23-year-old man had been arrested in connection with the incident. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195978-Sports-fan-dressed-as-sheep-set-alight Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:01:46 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195922-How-to-get-your-doctor-to-sing-Happy-Birthday-while-he-washes-his-hands-satire- I recently saw a poster in a medical building that stopped me cold. It was about influenza, and it said the following: To avoid spreading germs, wash your hands for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday to yourself. I did a double take. Really? Wash your hands while you sing Happy Birthday as a timing mechanism? Apparently, this is an important bit of advice for teaching the masses how to successfully wash their own hands. I guess they couldn't use Row, Row, Row Your Boat because that song just goes on forever, and people would be stuck at the sink washing their hands like disturbed obsessive-compulsive hand washing addicts. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195922-How-to-get-your-doctor-to-sing-Happy-Birthday-while-he-washes-his-hands-satire- Sun, 01 Nov 2009 10:35:25 -0500 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195847-112-Year-Old-Somali-Centenarian-Weds-17-Year-Old A man claiming to be 112 married a 17-year-old at a ceremony in central Somalia, his sixth wedding in total but his first in three quarters of a century, he said Thursday. "My wife is ten times younger than me but we love each other so much and I believe that I can give her the kind of love that not any young man can offer," Ahmed Mohamed Dhore told AFP. "Married life is about love and passion rather than age and beauty," said the centenarian, whose wedding ceremony in the town of Guriel was attended by hundreds on Wednesday. "The first time I got married was so long ago I cannot remember and the last time must have been about 75 years ago, I was still a young man," he said. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195847-112-Year-Old-Somali-Centenarian-Weds-17-Year-Old Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:46:00 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195838-Dumb-American-criminals-attempt-robbery-with-permanent-marker-pen-disguises- Two hapless robbers in America, Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller, have been arrested with the "worst disguises ever" after trying to hide their faces with permanent marker pen. McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20 were arrested by armed police in Carroll, Iowa, last Friday after witnesses reported seeing two men trying to break into an apartment with fake beards and "masks" scrawled on their faces. Police responding to a call about the attempted burglary later pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. When they stopped their 1994 Buick Roadmaster, bewildered police discovered the drunk hapless pair - nicknamed "dumb and dumber" - complete with makeshift disguises. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195838-Dumb-American-criminals-attempt-robbery-with-permanent-marker-pen-disguises- Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:57:09 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195780-Anti-Terror-Keystone-Cops-in-Action- http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195780-Anti-Terror-Keystone-Cops-in-Action- Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:24:28 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195746-Alberta-Girl-5-Saves-Mother-s-Life-After-Horrific-Crash Nikki Butler has always known her five-year-old daughter Mary was special. Now she's calling the little girl her hero. Mary and Nikki Butler of Lundbreck, a hamlet west of Pincher Creek, were travelling through the Crowsnest Pass when the mother's truck hit a patch of black ice. It slid across the road, hit a guardrail and flipped four times down a steep embankment. Once the vehicle came to a stop, the girl saw that her mother was bleeding from a gash on her forehead. She had also lost consciousness. Mary tried to wake her, but there was no response. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195746-Alberta-Girl-5-Saves-Mother-s-Life-After-Horrific-Crash Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:41:54 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195725-Satire-or-is-it-U-S-Continues-Quagmire-Building-Effort-In-Afghanistan Kabul, Afghanistan - According to sources at the Pentagon, American quagmire-building efforts continued apace in Afghanistan this week, as the geographically rugged, politically unstable region remained ungovernable, death tolls continued to rise, and the grim military campaign persisted as hopelessly as ever. In fact, many government officials now believe that the United States and its allies could be as little as six months away from their ultimate goal: the total quagmirification of Afghanistan. "We've spent a lot of time and money fostering the turmoil and despair necessary to make this a sustaining quagmire, and we're not going to stop now," President Barack Obama said in a national address Monday night. "It won't be easy, but with enough tactical errors on the ground, shortsighted political strategies, and continued ignorance of our vast cultural differences, we could have a horrific, full-fledged quagmire by 2012." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195725-Satire-or-is-it-U-S-Continues-Quagmire-Building-Effort-In-Afghanistan Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:18:53 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195700-Surprised-by-Disaster In re Afghanistan, why, you might ask, is the world's hugest, expensivest, most begadgeted military unable to defeat a few thousand angry tribesmen armed with AKs and RPGs? Easy: Character. The men running the war are mentally the wrong ones to do it. Think about this for a moment. Suppose that your boss at the lab or law firm or newsroom demanded that, when he entered the room, you leapt spasmodically to your feet, stood rigidly erect with your feet at a forty-five degree angle like a congenitally deformed duck, and stared straight ahead until he gave you permission to relax. You would think, correctly, that he was crazy as a bedbug. If he then required reporters to stand in a square so he could inspect their belt buckles, you would either figure he was a gay blade or call for a struggle buggy and some big orderlies. This weird posturing is not normal, nor are those it appeals to. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195700-Surprised-by-Disaster Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:08:59 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195536-Michigan-Man-Claims-He-s-Cockroach-King A Michigan man says he expects Guinness World Records to award him the world record for fitting the most cockroaches in his mouth. Sean Murphy of Lansing, whose age was not reported, said it likely will be weeks until he officially learns whether the 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches he held in his mouth for 10 seconds will be recognized as a world record, the Lansing State Journal reported Sunday. Murphy apparently broke the record of 11 cockroaches Friday night by holding 12 in his mouth for the mandated 10 seconds. Then he sought to extend his unofficial record to 16. "I've never gotten it in one try so that was a big surprise," he said of his unusual feat. Murphy told the State Journal his days of putting cockroaches in his mouth are not yet behind him. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195536-Michigan-Man-Claims-He-s-Cockroach-King Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:53:57 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195476-George-W-Bush-set-to-become-motivational-speaker He left office with the US embroiled in two wars, a Great Recession and with his approval rating a toxic 22 per cent. So the next stage in his career is obvious. George W Bush - who last year inspired millions of people to vote Democrat - is about to become a highly-paid motivational speaker. On Monday the former Republican President will appear as the headline speaker on the popular Get Motivated seminar programme, which describes itself as an "action-packed, fun-filled, explosive, exciting, inspiring, skill-building business event that is world famous for its mega-watt superstar speakers and spectacular stage production." He will appear again in San Antonio in December. The Forth Worth event, in Mr Bush's home state of Texas, will also feature Colin Powell, the former Secretary of State, Rudy Giuliani, the former New York Mayor, and Rick Belluzzo, a former Microsoft executive. The Get Motivated programme has been a huge business success, but the appearance of Mr Bush at a seminar about, among other things, "How to Master the Art of Effective Leadership" has produced guffaws. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195476-George-W-Bush-set-to-become-motivational-speaker Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:48:42 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195270-US-For-Alabama-man-XXXXXXX-license-plate-marks-spot-for-ticket-magnet "Racer X's" vanity plate just does not compute in city computers - and it's helped him rack up about $19,000 in tickets in Birmingham, Ala. Scottie Roberson bought a vanity plate with seven X's to pay homage to his racer nickname. But that causes a bit of a snafu when parking patrols put the plate into the system. Officials usually put seven X's in place of the number for cars without license plates. Roberson said the mix-up has led him to get as many as 10 tickets in a day. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195270-US-For-Alabama-man-XXXXXXX-license-plate-marks-spot-for-ticket-magnet Tue, 20 Oct 2009 18:59:44 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195159-Switzerland-Police-Stop-Driver-for-15-Violations-in-11-Minutes Authorities say an Italian man took reckless driving to new heights in 11 frantic minutes of traffic violations in eastern Switzerland. They say they first spotted the 47-year-old driver as he sped his jeep past an unmarked police car at 160 kph (100 mph) in a rainstorm Sunday. Driving dangerously close to other cars on the autobahn, he then allegedly ignored police attempts to pull him over - first with a stop sign, and then with flashing lights and sirens. Police say the man drove through a construction zone at 140 kmh (87 mph), nearly twice the speed limit, before being stopped. They seized the man's driver's license, and a judge ordered him tested for medications and illegal drugs. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195159-Switzerland-Police-Stop-Driver-for-15-Violations-in-11-Minutes Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:48:16 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195131-Do-the-Global-Handwashing-dance- Tokyo, Japan - Today, millions of children and adults in over 80 countries are marking the second annual Global Handwashing Day with special events and activities. As part of this effort, UNICEF Japan and its partners have launched a project to promote handwashing among children in Japan and around the world. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195131-Do-the-Global-Handwashing-dance- Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:12:54 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195068-Bear-Run-Black-Bear-Chills-in-Wisconsin-Beer-Cooler Shoppers in a Wisconsin grocery store got an unexpected surprise when a 125-pound black bear wandered inside and headed straight for the beer cooler. The bear stopped Friday night at Marketplace Foods in Hayward, about 140 miles northeast of Minneapolis, sauntering through the automatic doors and heading straight for the liquor department. It calmly climbed up 12 feet onto a shelf in the beer cooler where it sat for about an hour while employees helped evacuate customers and summoned wildlife officials. Officials from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources tranquilized the animal and took it out of the store. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195068-Bear-Run-Black-Bear-Chills-in-Wisconsin-Beer-Cooler Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:39:33 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195067-Jellyfish-Pay-the-Penalty-in-Ocean-Version-of-Football Scientists working off the Welsh coastline have made an astonishing discovery - dolphins playing football using jellyfish as a ball. A team of marine biologists working in Cardigan Bay were amazed to see dolphins swim under a jellyfish and, with a sudden flick of their tails, shoot it out of the water. The wild bottlenose dolphins were caught on video at Tremadog Bay for the first time playing "jellyfish football". And - in an impressive aquatic bid to bend it like Beckham - one dolphin is seen flipping the barrel jellyfish as high as six feet into the air. Experts believe the game goes back hundreds of thousands of years and that it may go some way towards explaining why dolphins in captivity are so skillful with balls at sea life parks across the world. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195067-Jellyfish-Pay-the-Penalty-in-Ocean-Version-of-Football Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:32:14 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195053-Massachusetts-Town-Using-Goats-as-Lawn-Mowers Officials in Andover, Massachusetts, say they are using goats to keep one of the town's public meadows trimmed, even as they trim a bit of government spending. Bob Decelle, special projects manager for the Andover Conservation Commission, said by allowing six goats to eat their fill of the grass at a public meadow, the town is saving money and helping the environment, The Boston Globe reported Saturday. "Everyone benefits," Decelle said. "The town benefits, the goats benefit, and the environment benefits." Instead of using town funds to hire people to mow the 3-acre meadow with heavy equipment, the town has dairy goat club leader Lucy McKain bring the goats to the site each day for an all-natural buffet. "They're very good browsers," McKain said. "It's a win-win. It's pretty neat." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/195053-Massachusetts-Town-Using-Goats-as-Lawn-Mowers Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:22:01 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194987-Netherlands-Rotterdam-installs-cynicism-hotline- The city of Rotterdam is encouraging its civil servants to report 'cynical' colleagues. Since last week civil servants in Rotterdam can report ill-tempered colleagues to an online 'cynicism' hotline. The city says the move is part of a drive to improve the working environment. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194987-Netherlands-Rotterdam-installs-cynicism-hotline- Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:57:40 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194962-An-Open-Letter-to-Rep-Alan-Grayson-in-Defense-of-Neanderthals Dear Rep. Grayson, Although I applaud your stand on health care and you efforts to take the offensive against the Republicans, I do have to take exception to your characterization of Republicans as "...foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals..." This is a gross mischaracterization of Neanderthals on several levels. First, Neanderthals did not drag their feet or knuckles. They walked in a fully erect bipedal fashion just like you or I do. Second, Neanderthals took care of their sick or injured fellows. Take Shanidar I for example: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194962-An-Open-Letter-to-Rep-Alan-Grayson-in-Defense-of-Neanderthals Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:34:51 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194856-Satire-If-God-Had-Wanted-Me-To-Be-Accepting-Of-Gays-He-Would-Have-Given-Me-The-Warmth-And-Compassion-To-Do-So I don't question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God's plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit - in His infinite wisdom and all - to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so. It's a simple matter of logic, really. God made me who I am, and who I am is a cold, anti-gay zealot. Thus, I abhor gay people because God made me that way. Why is that so hard to understand? http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194856-Satire-If-God-Had-Wanted-Me-To-Be-Accepting-Of-Gays-He-Would-Have-Given-Me-The-Warmth-And-Compassion-To-Do-So Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:58:36 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194854-North-Carolina-church-to-burn-Satan-s-books-including-works-of-Mother-Teresa A Baptist Church near Asheville, N.C., is hosting a "Halloween book burning" to purge the area of "Satan's" works, which include all non-King James versions of the Bible, popular books by many religious authors and even country music. The website for the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, N.C., says there are "scriptural bases" for the book burning. The site quotes Acts 19:18-20: "And many that believed, came and confessed and shewed their deeds. Many of them also which used curious arts, brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194854-North-Carolina-church-to-burn-Satan-s-books-including-works-of-Mother-Teresa Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:14:29 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194710-Nobel-Committee-Admits-Getting-into-Derivatives-Trading-in-Giving-Peace-Prize-to-Obama What led to the unusual decision to bet on futures rather than follow the century-old precedent of selecting someone who has actually accomplished something? A spokesman from the Nobel Committee yesterday spoke on condition of anonymity about the controversial decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama, who as yet has solved no international crisis or created peaceful resolution to any conflict but has delivered some awesome speeches that have breathed new life into the Norwegian stock exchange, the Red Herring 500, according to the committee member. "There's derivatives trading now in virtually every commodity known to humankind," noted the source. "So why not peace?" He added that rare commodities with unpredictable futures are particularly attractive to derivatives traders, and that peace certainly falls into that category. With many on the right objecting that Obama hasn't done anything to earn the prize and many on the left complaining that his record domestically has been to deliver magnificent speeches without following up with any decisive actions and to paper over conflicts with inspiring words and half-measures, the Nobel Committee member admitted on background that he wasn't sure whether the action of the committee technically could be considered hedging or derivatives trading, but he was counting on it to create a competitive market for both peace and Obama memorabilia. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194710-Nobel-Committee-Admits-Getting-into-Derivatives-Trading-in-Giving-Peace-Prize-to-Obama Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:45:16 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194675-Marge-Simpson-makes-cover-of-Playboy "D'oh!" doesn't even start to cover it. Marge Simpson -- the blue beehived matriarch of America's most loved dysfunctional family - is Playboy magazine's November cover, the magazine said on Friday. Simpson, tastefully concealing her assets behind a signature Playboy Bunny chair, is the first cartoon character ever to front the glossy adult magazine, joining the ranks of sex symbols like Marilyn Monroe and Cindy Crawford. Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the The Simpsons and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194675-Marge-Simpson-makes-cover-of-Playboy Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:12:25 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194501-Obama-Will-Go-Naked-to-Oslo Obama, Kissinger, Wilson, Roosevelt and Moniz. Quick. What do Barack Obama, Woodrow Wilson, Theodore Roosevelt, Henry Kissinger and Egar Moniz have in common? All won the Nobel Prize, the first four for "peace" either as sitting presidents, or in Kissinger's case, while his bombs were falling on innocents in Vietnam. Moniz won the prize in Physiology or Medicine for his invention of the lobotomy. Of these five he wrought the least carnage. Today we awoke to news that Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Some looked quick to see whether it was April 1. Most often folks mumbled resignedly "War is Peace." I prefer the Vietnam era formulation that warring for peace is like fu**ing for virginity. A few wept tears of disappointment, certainly mainstream Medea Benjamin who, having recently come out definitively as a hawk, must have thought that with this adjustment the Nobel was certainly in sight. Code Pink needs a new name now. Justin Raimondo suggests Code Yellow. But I believe Whores for Wars might be better. (That would only apply to Medea and the national leadership, many of the local Code Pinkers being genuine anti-interventionists who cannot stomach the narcissistic national leadership like mainstream Medea.) http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194501-Obama-Will-Go-Naked-to-Oslo Fri, 09 Oct 2009 23:10:34 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194484-Dallas-police-seek-naked-backyard-dancer-incidents-date-back-to-2004 Dallas police are looking for a man who they say repeatedly sneaks into backyards, dances around naked and then runs away. Police believe the man has been exposing himself in the same neighborhood since 2005. The most recent incident was on Sept. 30. Police say he usually climbs a fence or goes through a gate and either dances naked or jumps in a swimming pool naked. Police say he also has danced naked on top of a backyard air conditioning unit. Police say they're looking for a pudgy man who is about 6 feet tall and covers his face while dancing. Dallas Police Senior Cpl. Janice Crowther says police want to catch him before it escalates into something worse. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194484-Dallas-police-seek-naked-backyard-dancer-incidents-date-back-to-2004 Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:55:11 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194391-Webcam-wife-in-Philippines-solves-crime-in-Oklahoma- Police say three people who robbed a man's Oklahoma flat were caught by his wife in the Philippines, who saw them on the webcam the couple communicate with while apart. Midwest City police Chief Brandon Clabes says officers nabbed the three burglary suspects over the weekend after Maribel Chouinard spotted them and called her husband, an Air Force master sergeant at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma City. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194391-Webcam-wife-in-Philippines-solves-crime-in-Oklahoma- Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:49:19 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194317-Cash-strapped-school-asks-pupils-to-bring-own-toilet-rolls Pupils in a Co Cork school are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school to help offset funding cutbacks. The principal of St John's Girls National School in Carrigaline, Co Cork, confirmed she had sent out a memo to parents last week requesting that their daughters occasionally bring a roll of toilet paper to give to the class teacher, who would dispense the rolls to students when needed. The bizarre request is part of the school's cost-containment programme so that dwindling state funding can be better spent on education, says principal Catherine O'Neill. She refused to divulge the school's annual budget but said that the Government's abolition of various grants was behind the request. The letter, dated October 1, reads: "Dear parent. From time to time we will request your daughter to bring in a toilet roll to her class teacher. These rolls will be specifically for your daughter's class and will be dispensed by the class teacher. We would also request that your daughter has tissues in her sack at all times. This is due to cutbacks. we are endeavouring to trim down expenses and ensure we use our grants towards the educational needs of your child." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194317-Cash-strapped-school-asks-pupils-to-bring-own-toilet-rolls Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:22:39 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194181-Jon-Stewart-Defends-NEA-School-Children-From-Republicans-Fox-News America is under attack, people. Not from Iran, not from suitcase bombers or North Korea, but from Barack Obama and those that like him. Jon Stewart explored these organizations and people last night and after a brief intro about ACORN, he quickly came to the conclusion that the National Endowment for the Arts and school children are at the heart of the problem. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194181-Jon-Stewart-Defends-NEA-School-Children-From-Republicans-Fox-News Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:26:42 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194169-If-Zombies-Attack-University-of-Florida-has-Plan-Ready No one expects a zombie apocalypse. But the University of Florida is making sure officials are ready for a night of the living dead, just in case. The school has a plan for responding to the undead on its Web site among outlines for dealing with hurricanes and pandemics. The exercise lays out how university officials would respond to attacks by "flesh-eating, apparently life impaired individuals." It notes that a zombie outbreak might include "documentation of lots of strange moaning." A University of Florida spokesman says the exercise was written by an employee at the school's academic technology office to "add a little bit of levity" to disaster preparation discussions. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194169-If-Zombies-Attack-University-of-Florida-has-Plan-Ready Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:52:46 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194168-Replica-of-Wright-Brothers-Plane-Crashes-in-Ohio A replica of the Wright brothers' plane crashed Thursday for the second time in two years, seriously injuring the pilot and heavily damaging the aircraft. Julia Frasure of the National Park Service said Mark Dusenberry was piloting his replica of the 1905 Wright Brothers Flyer III when it crashed at Huffman Prairie on Wright-Patterson Air Force Base near Dayton. Dusenberry was flown by helicopter to Miami Valley Hospital, where he was listed in serious condition. Amanda Wright Lane, great-grandniece of Wilbur and Orville Wright, said Dusenberry was practicing for a flight Monday to mark the 104th anniversary of practical flight, when the brothers proved at Kitty Hawk, N.C., that they could take off, control the plane and safely land. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194168-Replica-of-Wright-Brothers-Plane-Crashes-in-Ohio Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:44:09 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194156-Satire-Nation-Demands-Fresh-Celebrity-Meat Hollywood, California - Like famished dogs salivating before a warm and steaming carcass, a coalition of bloodthirsty Americans demanded this week that the entertainment industry provide them with newer, fresher celebrities to mercilessly devour. "Our most sumptuous celebrities have been picked to the bone," a statement by the group, Citizens for Renewed Celebrity Consumption, read in part. "We can no longer subsist vicariously on the travails and public deteriorations of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. These fetid idols are mere shreds of their former selves, and we, the American entertainment consumers, grow ever hungrier for a new crop of stars on which to feast." "We need meat!" the statement continued. "Raw, bloody meat!" http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194156-Satire-Nation-Demands-Fresh-Celebrity-Meat Fri, 02 Oct 2009 10:04:25 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194142-Gas-mask-bra-traps-Ig-Nobel-prize Designers of a bra that turns into gas masks and a team who found that named cows produce more milk were among the winners of the 2009 Ig Nobel prizes. The aim of the awards is to honour achievements that "first make people laugh and then make them think". The peace prize went to a Swiss research team who determined whether it is better to be hit over the head with a full or empty bottle of beer. The ceremony was organised by the magazine Annals of Improbable Research. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194142-Gas-mask-bra-traps-Ig-Nobel-prize Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:25:29 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194066-Everything-is-OK-Your-Government-is-in-Control http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194066-Everything-is-OK-Your-Government-is-in-Control Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:58:03 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194004-Tiny-Bird-s-Incredible-Piggyback-Ride-on-Hawk This is the moment a tiny but very angry kingbird hitched a piggyback ride on a red tail hawk. The feisty little flyer began attacking the bird of prey after it ventured too near its nest. Pat Gaines, 41, captured the moment at Bonny Lake park in Colorado. 'I've never seen a hawk harassed so much. The kingbird pecked at its head as the hawk flew away screaming,' she said. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/194004-Tiny-Bird-s-Incredible-Piggyback-Ride-on-Hawk Tue, 29 Sep 2009 13:21:33 -0400 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/193996-Satire-It-s-Still-Not-Too-Late-To-Greet-Us-As-Liberators Boy, how these last six years have flown by. Back in 2003, when we first arrived here in your country, we certainly didn't expect things to turn out the way they did. It seems like only yesterday we were marching into Baghdad, waiting to be greeted with shouts of gratitude and appreciation for saving you from the evil dictator who ruled your totalitarian state with an iron fist. Well, the surge is over and we're gonna roll pretty soon, so I just wanted to mention that it's not too late to greet us as liberators if you get the chance. Honestly, there's still time. In fact, a spontaneous belated welcoming party right about now would feel pretty great. Now, I know what you're thinking: "What about all those roadside bombs and beheading videos and what have you? Wouldn't it be a little awkward for us to shower you with kisses and chants of 'U.S.A.!' now, after all the blood and gore and amputations?" Not at all. Hey, that's all water under the bridge, as far as I'm concerned. I can see how you might feel a little bit nervous or shy about embracing us as beacons of liberty six years into our occupation of your country, especially after all those civilians we accidentally killed, but it's never too late to show a little gratitude. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/193996-Satire-It-s-Still-Not-Too-Late-To-Greet-Us-As-Liberators Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:56:43 -0400