http://www.sott.net/signs/list_by_category/15-Don-t-Panic-Lighten-Up- Signs of the Times: The World for People who Think. Featuring news and commentary on world events. en-us Original content Copyright 2012 by Signs of the Times/Sott.net. For other content, see our Fair Use Policy at www.sott.net. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:21:06 -0600 http://www.sott.net/images/sottlogo_rss.jpg SOTT.net http://www.sott.net http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241435-Satire-Iran-Worried-U-S-Might-Be-Building-8-500th-Nuclear-Weapon Tehran - Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon. "Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241435-Satire-Iran-Worried-U-S-Might-Be-Building-8-500th-Nuclear-Weapon Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:20:53 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241411-George-Carlin-and-the-illusion-of-freedom Do we really have freedom of choice? George Carlin was a brilliant man able to get the message across using comedy as the tool. Perhaps we should have listened more and laughed less when he spoke. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241411-George-Carlin-and-the-illusion-of-freedom Fri, 10 Feb 2012 07:16:54 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241391-US-Wisconsin-12-Year-Old-Boy-Saves-His-Grandmother-s-House-from-Foreclosure video platform video management video solutions video player A 12-year-old Wisconsin boy intervened when he learned that his grandmother's home was scheduled for auction. Noah Lamaide raised $10,500 in one month to save his grandmother's century-old home from the chopping block. "I wasn't even sure I was going to make it," Noah told ABC News. "I called our local representative, the governor, the president, not asking for money but asking them to help me find a program and they couldn't do it," Sparhawk told Fox News. "But this 12-year-old could. He saved this house." Noah's grandmother, Janice Sparhawk, fell behind on her mortgage payments after taking out money to replace the roof of the home built by her grandfather. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241391-US-Wisconsin-12-Year-Old-Boy-Saves-His-Grandmother-s-House-from-Foreclosure Fri, 10 Feb 2012 00:30:03 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241252-UK-Police-officer-chased-himself-after-being-mistaken-for-burglar An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect. The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country's south. As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone "acting suspiciously" in the area. But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241252-UK-Police-officer-chased-himself-after-being-mistaken-for-burglar Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:35:10 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241239-The-Psychopath-Speaks-Henry-Kissinger-If-You-Can-t-Hear-the-Drums-of-War-You-Must-Be-Deaf-Satire- New York, USA - In a remarkable admission by former Nixon era Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, reveals what is happening at the moment in the world and particularly the Middle East. Speaking from his luxurious Manhattan apartment, the elder statesman, who will be 89 in May, is all too forward with his analysis of the current situation in the world forum of Geo-politics and economics. "The United States is bating China and Russia, and the final nail in the coffin will be Iran, which is, of course, the main target of Israel. We have allowed China to increase their military strength and Russia to recover from Sovietization, to give them a false sense of bravado, this will create an all together faster demise for them. We're like the sharp shooter daring the noob to pick up the gun, and when they try, it's bang bang. The coming war will will be so severe that only one superpower can win, and that's us folks. This is why the EU is in such a hurry to form a complete superstate because they know what is coming, and to survive, Europe will have to be one whole cohesive state. Their urgency tells me that they know full well that the big showdown is upon us. O how I have dreamed of this delightful moment." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/241239-The-Psychopath-Speaks-Henry-Kissinger-If-You-Can-t-Hear-the-Drums-of-War-You-Must-Be-Deaf-Satire- Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:45:33 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240987-The-Plague-Of-Gay-Marriage-In-Iowa Well, gay marriage has been legal here in Iowa for going on three years now, and just as FOX News predicted, traditional marriage has all but ceased to exist in the Hawkeye state. The sinister influence of the gay agenda has spread through Iowa faster than anyone thought possible. This epidemic was so pervasive in Iowa that in just the past six months alone, you could see Santorum in public view in every one of Iowa's 99 counties. I, myself was accosted by a young man who asked directions to the nearest Bed, Bath and Beyond. Though it may sound harmless, I could read between the lines and tell what he really wanted. I was fortunate that I managed to get away before he could show me how to pick out throw pillows that complement my living room decor. Some Iowans built underground gay shelters in their back yards where they can be safe from the gay influence, while school children are being taught how to "duck and cover" when they hear the gay warning sirens go off. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240987-The-Plague-Of-Gay-Marriage-In-Iowa Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:59:32 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240946-Aussie-Boss-Gives-15-Million-Bonus-to-Staff An Australian bus operator has stunned his employees by handing out Aus$15 million (US$15.9 million) in thank you bonuses, with workers saying Wednesday they were overwhelmed by his generosity. Ken Grenda, 79, sold his family-run company after 66 years and decided to put a chunk of the profits into the pockets of his employees for their hard work and loyalty. Many of his 1,800 workers thought their banks had made an error when they discovered thousands of dollars in their accounts, the Herald Sun reported. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240946-Aussie-Boss-Gives-15-Million-Bonus-to-Staff Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:37:53 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240912-How-to-Handle-a-Cell-Phone-That-Rings-During-Concert Violinist Lukas Kmit responds to a Nokia ringtone that interrupts his concert. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240912-How-to-Handle-a-Cell-Phone-That-Rings-During-Concert Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:44:35 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240773-My-Interview-With-The-Earth-On-Its-4-5-Billion-Birthday- Me: Happy Birthday Earth: Thank You. Me: How are you feeling? Earth: Just like anyone who is half way through life. Me: What do you make of the times we live in? Earth: Sorry, remind me, which mutation are you again. Me. A human being. Earth: A what? Me: I am one of seven billion Homo Sapiens Earth: Now I remember; sorry I have seen a lot of life forms come and go. Me: So again, what do you think of the times we live in? Earth: Pretty boring. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240773-My-Interview-With-The-Earth-On-Its-4-5-Billion-Birthday- Sun, 29 Jan 2012 01:56:47 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240736-Obama-Speaks-about-strange-sound-noise-all-around-the-world http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240736-Obama-Speaks-about-strange-sound-noise-all-around-the-world Sat, 28 Jan 2012 11:07:28 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240670-A-Snoring-Dormouse Don't worry, he's okay! He's just sleeping. Dormice hibernate in the winter in nests that they make hidden away on the ground. In Britain the dormouse may spend up to 1/3 of its life in hibernation. Dormice usually enter hibernation at the time of the first frost, when nearly all food is gone. Dormice rely upon fat reserves gathered in the summer and autumn, and during hibernation they loose about a quarter of their body weight. Surrey Wildlife Trust Mammal Project Officer, Dave Williams, took this lovely footage of a dormouse in torpor. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240670-A-Snoring-Dormouse Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:51:38 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240459-Don-t-Want-to-Pay-Taxes-Say-You-Live-in-Heaven Lots of people play fast and loose with the American tax code -- even presidential candidates. In fact, a USA Today article from last October reported that nearly a half a million US income tax filers paid no tax at all in 2009. There are 11 popular reasons that Americans have for either filing their taxes late or not paying them at all. These excuses, according to Intuit Inc.'s Turbo Tax folks, run the gamut from laziness, forgetfulness, and ignorance of the law to the belief that paying income taxes is voluntary or a violation of Constitutional rights. The one glaring omission left off from this list is the "heavenly transcendence" defense. At least that's what a 40-year-old Melbourne, Florida man would have the IRS believe. When Russell P. Gentile received a grand jury indictment for false tax returns, specifically reporting that he had no reportable income in 2001 and 2002, his response was that he was excused from paying taxes in the U.S. because he does not reside here. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240459-Don-t-Want-to-Pay-Taxes-Say-You-Live-in-Heaven Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:37:37 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240288-Pepsi-defends-lawsuit-canned-mouse-would-turn-jelly-like- An Illinois man who sued PepsiCo after he allegedly found a mouse in his can of Mountain Dew received an interesting response from the company: the soda would turn a mouse to jelly before he ever would have found it. Roland Ball said he began to drink a can of Mountain Dew he had purchased from a vending machine at his place of employment Nov. 10, 2009, but spit it out when he "tasted something foul," the Madison Record reported. Ball said he poured the contents of the can into a Styrofoam cup and discovered the remains of a mouse, which he claimed he sent in a mason jar to PepsiCo at the company's request and which was returned in bad condition. The lawsuit was filed in 2009 and is now going before a judge. An affidavit filed in the Illinois Circuit Court in Madison County contends that it would have been impossible for Ball to find an intact mouse in a can of Mountain Dew that PepsiCo said was produced Aug. 28, 2008. After thirty days in the fluid, the mouse will have been transformed into a 'jelly-like' substance. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240288-Pepsi-defends-lawsuit-canned-mouse-would-turn-jelly-like- Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:47:29 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240262-Fotoshop-by-Adobe-Spoof-exposes-unrealistic-standards-of-beauty The vimeo description says it best: "This commercial isn't real, neither are society's standards of beauty." Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo. "I was watching TV one sleepless night and stumbled upon an infomercial for some beauty product. The commercial showed before and after portraits that, to my eye, looked like the same photo just photoshopped. I laughed to myself. Then I made this video," filmmaker Jesse Rosten said of his Fotoshop creation. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240262-Fotoshop-by-Adobe-Spoof-exposes-unrealistic-standards-of-beauty Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:47:20 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240229-Higher-Education-And-The-Twilight-Zone One of the biggest buzzwords in the education community is "critical thinking." Truth be told, I haven't the faintest clue what that means. Like "social justice," it means whatever you want it to mean. Nonetheless, put on your critical-thinking cap and look at the latest Speaker's Series 2012 being offered by the Pima Community College right here in southern Arizona. These lectures will be given February 7, March 6, April 3, October 2 November 13, and December 4 of this year. Make your plane reservations to Tucson well in advance. I wrote an article for TBP on last year's Speaker Series 2011. Audiences were thrilled with lectures on such captivating subjects as Expanding Cultural Perspectives, Storytelling, Dance Origins, and, my favorite, The Tuba As a Solo Instrument: a 75-Year Perspective. As Dave Barry would say, "I am not making this up." So let's move on to some of the lectures in the blockbuster 2012 agenda. #1. "Closed, Open, and Hyper-Open Form Seeing: An Aesthetic and Historical Perspective" by Michael Stack, Art Faculty. According to the subtext, this talk will start with our earliest memories of drawing, to show how early personal experiences of the visual can be expanded to reveal and reconnect to a variety of historical and social encounters. Comment. If you understand what the difference is between open and hyper-open, then skip this stem-winder. Look, I don't understand what the title means, much less the explanation. Sounds like a Stack of shit to me. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240229-Higher-Education-And-The-Twilight-Zone Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:54:40 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240221-Birds-just-want-to-have-fun- Bird has a little too much fun sliding down snowy rooftop...again and again. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240221-Birds-just-want-to-have-fun- Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:58:40 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240023-Australia-The-Mysterious-Case-Of-The-Car-That-Stole-Itself Sleuthy detectives in rural Australia have declared "Case Closed" in the incident of a mysteriously disappearing car and a phantom garage break in. The culprit? The car itself. And it would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids. The car's owner parked behind a local market before "taking a walk" that definitely didn't involve going to the pub. When he returned, the car was gone and police couldn't find it anywhere. Flash forward nearly a month, and the owners of a nearby house called police to report a break in after noticing that the roll-up door on their garage was slightly ajar. When constables arrived on the scene and opened said door, there was the stolen car. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/240023-Australia-The-Mysterious-Case-Of-The-Car-That-Stole-Itself Sat, 07 Jan 2012 12:30:18 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239988-Beam-Me-Up-Obama-Conspiracy-Theory-Claims-President-Teleported-to-Mars Forget 2012 prophecies, Mayan calendars and lurking planets that go only by the name "X"... there's an even kookier conspiracy theory in town, and it has to do with our nation's fearless leader and his teenage teleportation adventures on Mars. Yes, you read that right. It seems that two government employees and self-professed time-travelers - er, "chrononauts" - Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings have come forth and named President Obama as one of their own, along with the current head of DARPA, Regina Dugan. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239988-Beam-Me-Up-Obama-Conspiracy-Theory-Claims-President-Teleported-to-Mars Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:54:10 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239987-Satire-Keystone-XL-Pipeline-Obama-Cheney-Secret-Phonecall-Revealed-Just-a-New-Yorker-s-Opinion Recently, a thumb-drive with an audio file on it arrived in my mail. No return address, but I have a Mac, so I never too worried about viruses. I jacked it in and heard this secretly recorded call between President Barack Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney talking about the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) and the Keystone XL pipeline. Former Vice President Dick Cheney: "Hello Barry?" President Barack Obama: "Yes, Dick." Cheney: "Just wanted to thank you for that NDAA thing." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239987-Satire-Keystone-XL-Pipeline-Obama-Cheney-Secret-Phonecall-Revealed-Just-a-New-Yorker-s-Opinion Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:44:25 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239908-Church-of-Filesharing-Now-Recognized-as-Official-Religion-in-Sweden Hallelujah! Filesharing is now officially a religion in Sweden, as Swedish authorities have approved the Church of Kopimism as an officially religion. Yes, in 2010, 19 year-old philosophy student Isak Gerson, a fervid believer in file sharing, founded The Missionary Church of Kopimism, which considers file sharing and copy to be sacred acts and hold up CTRL+C and CTRL+V as divine symbols. Membership in the church grew swiftly, reaching some 3,000 in the latter half of 2011, which prompted Gerson to seek legal recognition so as to gain freedom of religion protection afforded by the Swedish Constitution. According to TorrentFreak, the church's central tenets include the beliefs that: Reproduction of information is ethically right. The flow of information is ethically right. Remix Spirit is a sacred kind of copying. Copying or remixing information conveyed by another person is an act of respect. The church is also acutely against DRM and other methods of protecting or hiding code. "To appropriate software (to keep source code hidden from others), is comparable to slavery, and should be banned," they declare. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239908-Church-of-Filesharing-Now-Recognized-as-Official-Religion-in-Sweden Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:01:09 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239899-Restaurant-Sign-Reads-No-Politicians-No-Exceptions- It's common for presidential candidates to make the rounds at New Hampshire restaurants, but one has had enough of the visits. The sign at the entrance of Colby's Breakfast & Lunch in Portsmouth reads "No Politicians, No Exceptions." Employee Jessica Labrie told the Portsmouth Herald she made the sign after several customers complained that the visits were an interruption. Labrie said several GOP presidential candidates, including Texas Gov. Rick Perry, former candidate Michele Bachmann and former Louisiana Gov. Buddy Roemer have visited the business since the summer, and each time their presence was an interruption. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239899-Restaurant-Sign-Reads-No-Politicians-No-Exceptions- Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:43:23 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239689-The-10-Most-Ridiculous-Lawsuits-of-2011 We've all heard about crazy lawsuits and 2011 was no exception when it came to the filing of frivolous - even ridiculous - lawsuits. A lawsuit by a kidnapper against his victims for not helping him evade police tops the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's Institute for Legal Reform's (ILR) survey of the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2011, released today. "While these lawsuits vary from the outrageous to the humorous, abusive litigation is hardly a laughing matter," said ILR President Lisa Rickard. "ILR's annual poll of ridiculous lawsuits helps to remind us that abusive lawsuits affect real people and real businesses, and can have harmful results to lives, jobs, and even our economic growth." ILR announced the top ten vote-getters from among those chosen throughout the year by visitors to the Faces off Lawsuit Abuse. The lawsuits were selected from those featured in the website's monthly polls for 2011. The Faces of Lawsuit Abuse campaign is ILR's public awareness effort created to highlight the impact of abusive lawsuits on small businesses, communities, and individuals. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239689-The-10-Most-Ridiculous-Lawsuits-of-2011 Sat, 31 Dec 2011 13:46:00 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239453-The-25-Weirdest-Questions-Job-Interviewees-Faced-in-2011 Preparation, preparation and more preparation -- that's the advice that most job seekers receive when they land a coveted job interview. Anyone who's ever interviewed for a job knows the drill by now: Learn as much about your prospective employer as possible by visiting their website and prepare for questions like "What's your greatest strength and weakness?" or "Where do you see yourself in X years?" However, even with the most sound of preparations, interviewers like to throw applicants left-field questions once in a while, perhaps to determine if you can think on your feet or to evaluate if you will fit the culture of the company. For some of these questions, there is simply no way for job interviewees to prepare. What kind of oddball questions have job seekers encountered in 2011? From mathematical puzzles to questions that wouldn't be out of place on a first date, here's a list of the 25 weirdest job interview questions of the year, unsurprisingly comprised of mainly questions from tech companies, which tend to look for employees who can provide unconventional solutions, that employment website Glassdoor has compiled. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239453-The-25-Weirdest-Questions-Job-Interviewees-Faced-in-2011 Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:40:36 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239443-UK-Mysterious-fish-found-in-Blue-Planet-Aquarium-Cheshire-Oaks Shocked staff at the Blue Planet Aquarium in Cheshire Oaks have discovered a mysterious fish which has been living unnoticed in one of their displays. The 40-centimetre-long sand sole was discovered during routine cleaning work on an open native rock-pool tank. Stock checks confirmed there were no records of the flatfish having arrived at the aquarium and staff believe it could have remained undiscovered for years - potentially since the aquarium opened 13 years ago. Acting curator Colin Grist said: "They are, as a flat fish, very cryptic, so that might explain how it has remained unseen for possibly years. "There is no record of the species being acquired and introduced in recent years so it could possibly be a survivor from the days the aquarium was built. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239443-UK-Mysterious-fish-found-in-Blue-Planet-Aquarium-Cheshire-Oaks Thu, 29 Dec 2011 13:26:13 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239184-Christians-outraged-by-poster-showing-Mary-and-Joseph-after-sex A risque church billboard showing the Virgin Mary and Joseph in bed apparently after having disappointing sex has caused outrage among Christians in New Zealand. The large poster depicts a dejected-looking Joseph lying next to Mary, whose eyes are turned heavenwards, under the words: "Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow." Both figures, painted in classical fresco style, appear to be naked. Within hours of the billboard being erected outside the Anglican church of St Matthew's in the City, in central Auckland, it had been attacked by a man who clambered on to the roof of his car to smear brown paint over it. As a result it was almost obliterated and the church, which describes itself as "progressive", is seeking a replacement. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239184-Christians-outraged-by-poster-showing-Mary-and-Joseph-after-sex Thu, 22 Dec 2011 12:50:22 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239118-The-Turin-Shroud-is-fake-Get-over-it First things first. The "authenticity" or otherwise of the Shroud of Turin does not have any implications for whether or not Christ was real, or whether He was divine. If it was a medieval forgery, it doesn't mean the stories aren't true; if it really was made in the first century AD, it doesn't mean they were. Until we find a reliable method of linking the shroud with Christ Himself - a nametag stitched in it by His mum, perhaps - the existence of a 2,000-year-old cloth does not imply that a particular person who died around the time it was made was the Son of God. I mention this because today, we report that a group of scientists - working, unexpectedly, for the Italian sustainable energy agency ENEA - claim that the marks on the cloth could only have been made by ultraviolet radiation. They say that "When one talks about a flash of light being able to colour a piece of linen in the same way as the shroud, discussion inevitably touches on things like miracles and resurrection," and that they "hope our results can open up a philosophical and theological debate". They do, however, say "as scientists, we were concerned only with verifiable scientific processes." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239118-The-Turin-Shroud-is-fake-Get-over-it Tue, 20 Dec 2011 07:27:54 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239051-Congressmen-can-t-say-Merry-Christmas-in-mail Looks like the PC police have threatened members of the House of Representatives against wishing constituents a "Merry Christmas," if they want to do so in a mailing paid for with tax dollars. Members who submit official mailings for review by the congressional franking commission that reviews all congressional mail to determine if it can be "franked," or paid for with tax dollars, are being told that no holiday greetings, including "Merry Christmas," can be sent in official mail. "I called the commission to ask for clarification and was told no 'Merry Christmas.' Also told cannot say 'Happy New Year' but can say 'have a happy new year' - referencing the time period of a new year, but not the holiday," said a Hill staffer who requested anonymity. Another Hill staffer told The Washington Examiner that "we were given that advice after submitting" a draft mailing. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239051-Congressmen-can-t-say-Merry-Christmas-in-mail Sun, 18 Dec 2011 17:51:06 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239041-US-Cable-guy-finds-sleeping-bear-in-New-Jersey-basement A cable TV repairman got quite a surprise when he walked into the basement of a New Jersey home. There was a 500-pound bear sound asleep on the floor. The bear had been spotted wandering in the neighborhood in Hopatcong earlier Wednesday. It's not clear how it got into the home. The bear ambled out of the house before state Fish and Game officials arrived. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239041-US-Cable-guy-finds-sleeping-bear-in-New-Jersey-basement Sun, 18 Dec 2011 01:44:33 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239040-Baby-seal-sneaks-into-New-Zealand-home-naps-on-couch A seal pup had a risky adventure and gave Welcome Bay, New Zealand homeowner Annette Swoffer a scare on Thursday. According to New Zealand's Department of Conservation, the animal, nicknamed Lucky, broke into Swoffer's home through a cat door and decided to take a nap on her sofa. Swoffer told the Sydney Morning Herald that she first encountered the seal in her kitchen. After sniffing around and not finding anything to its liking - including her confused dog and cats - Lucky proceeded to waddle up her stairs, jump on her couch and take a nap. He was there 45 minutes later when a DOC ranger came to send him back home. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/239040-Baby-seal-sneaks-into-New-Zealand-home-naps-on-couch Sun, 18 Dec 2011 01:42:03 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238990-U-S-Infrastructure Al-Qaeda Claims U.S. Mass Transportation Infrastructure Must Drastically Improve Before Any Terrorist Attacks. Washington - In a 30-minute video released Thursday, al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri criticized the mass transportation infrastructure of the United States, claiming significant repairs and upgrades would need to be implemented before the militant group would consider destroying any roads, bridges, or railways with terrorist attacks. Reading from a prepared statement, al-Zawahiri blasted the U.S. government for its lack of foresight and admonished its leaders for failing to provide Americans with efficient and reliable modes of public transport to reduce traffic congestion, lower carbon emissions, improve air quality, and supply suitable targets for terrorists. "The al-Qaeda network is fully prepared to continue the jihad against the American infidels by launching deadly attacks, but your outdated and rusting transportation infrastructure needs to be completely overhauled for those strikes even to be noticed," al-Zawahiri said. "We want to turn your bridges into rubble, but if we claimed credit for making them collapse, nobody would ever believe us." "We'd really just be doing you a favor because then you'd actually have to rebuild them," al-Zawahiri added. The al-Qaeda commander confirmed his organization initially hoped to cripple travel in the United States by destroying its nationwide high-speed rail system, but had been shocked to discover no such thing exists. Calling it a cost-efficient, modern way of travel that would serve as a boon to small businesses and the national economy, al-Zawahiri implored U.S. officials to invest in not just one high-speed passenger train network, but many of them, so they could all be blown up simultaneously in a signature al-Qaeda attack upon the nation's major population centers. Throughout the threatening video, the terrorist leader questioned the priorities of American politicians, asking why they would refuse to fund engineering projects that would create jobs, bombing opportunities, and new ways for the U.S. compete globally. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238990-U-S-Infrastructure Fri, 16 Dec 2011 13:04:52 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238918-Who-Needs-Lowe-s- Despite or maybe because of the retail giant Lowe's backing down in the face of stupid bigots, ad time for the TLC reality series All-American Muslim has apparently sold out, with hip hop mogul Russell Simmons poised to buy up any unsold time. Lowe's pulled its commercials from the show, which follows the utterly ordinary activities of five Muslim families in Dearborn, Michigan, after the Florida Family Association complained the show "is attempting to manipulate Americans into ignoring the threat of jihad" by, in fact, showing that nobody in the show is in any way interested in jihad. A petition to boycott Lowe's here. And a brilliant Jon Stewart on how facts sure can mess with one's "belief structure," aka stupid bigotry. The Daily Show Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238918-Who-Needs-Lowe-s- Wed, 14 Dec 2011 17:14:20 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238913-Ignatious-O-Reilly-Newt-Gingrich-is-an-Invented-Person In an exclusive interview with Sott.net, political analyst and intrepid journalist Ignatious O'Reilly went on record to say that, based on years of personal observation, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich is an "invented person, who is in fact the product of a mediatic experiment of mass perception and has historically been a puppet of the Israel lobby. He has also been a member of the non-Reality based community and as such cannot be said to exist in the full sense of the word. This is the most plausible explanation for Gingrich's other-worldly declarations of late." "I do have an alternative theory", Mr O'Reilly stressed, "but it involves parallel universes and Bizarro Worlds where wrong is right, black is white, and predator drones are fluffy bunny-rabbits, but I am still waiting on the informed opinion of my contacts at the Large Hadron Collider Particle Accelerator facilities". Mr O'Reilly added unapologetically: "Is what I said factually correct? Yes. Is it historically true? Yes." However, O'Reilly left open the possibility of a friendly settlement with Gingrich by pointing out that he had no ill feelings towards the former Speaker. "I don't have much anger to spare on a daily basis - I usually spend it all on public transport - so I choose to reserve whatever I have left for real people. Being angry at Newt would be like being angry at the Eiffel Tower or the color blue. In fact, I am thankful for the amusement that such a character can bring me every time he opens his mouth and releases jewels of nonsense capable of inspiring dadaist artists back into the creative process. Heck, I like Barney the Dinosaur too for similar reasons, and he also can hardly be called a person!" http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238913-Ignatious-O-Reilly-Newt-Gingrich-is-an-Invented-Person Wed, 14 Dec 2011 13:26:26 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238850-Jon-Stewart-celebrates-miracle-of-GOP-candidates-fighting-over-who-loves-Jews-more- Every four years, says John Stewart, a holiday "miracle" takes place. The Republican candidates for president line up to speak to the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum, an event where conservative Jews gather to witness the spectacle of several "incredibly religious Christian presidential candidates fighting over who loves Jews more." At this year's event, Rick Santorum's opening salvo was to declare that he and his wife (meaning: his wife) picked out a tile in Jerusalem to hang by their kitchen sink. Rick Perry bragged of his multiple visits to Jerusalem's Western Wall. Michele Bachmann scored high for joining a kibbutz straight out of high school, and Mitt Romney mangled a Seinfeld quote. Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238850-Jon-Stewart-celebrates-miracle-of-GOP-candidates-fighting-over-who-loves-Jews-more- Tue, 13 Dec 2011 12:03:03 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238841-Gingrich-Pledges-Not-To-Commit-Infidelity-A-Third-Time-Reaffirms-Opposition-To-Marriage-Equality As Iowa's FAMiLY Leader prepares to endorse a presidential candidate ahead of the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses, Newt Gingrich has issued a statement affirming the Leader's pledge to oppose marriage equality for gays and lesbians, deny women access to abortion, and reduce the debt. Read his full response here and the marriage excerpt below: Defending Marriage. As President, I will vigorously enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, which was enacted under my leadership as Speaker of the House, and ensure compliance with its provisions, especially in the military. I will also aggressively defend the constitutionality of DOMA in federal and state courts. I will support sending a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman to the states for ratification. I will also oppose any judicial, bureaucratic, or legislative effort to define marriage in any manner other than as between one man and one woman. I will support all efforts to reform promptly any uneconomic or anti-marriage aspects of welfare and tax policy. I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others. Vander Plaats welcomed Gingrich's affirmation saying, "We are pleased that Speaker Gingrich has affirmed our pledge and are thankful we have on record his statements regarding DOMA, support of a federal marriage amendment, defending the unborn, pledging fidelity to his spouse, defending religious liberty and freedom, supporting sound pro-family economic issues, and defending the right of the people to rule themselves." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238841-Gingrich-Pledges-Not-To-Commit-Infidelity-A-Third-Time-Reaffirms-Opposition-To-Marriage-Equality Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:34:42 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238763-Smoking-can-make-your-nipples-fall-off-Plastic-surgeon-warns-of-gangrene-following-breast-lift Smoking can make your nipples fall off - this is the astonishing claim by Dr Anthony Youn, one of American's top plastic surgeons. The practitioner from Detroit, Michigan, was quick to point out this applied to patients who underwent breast lifts to perk up their chests. He said the nicotine and carbon monoxide taken in during smoking can disrupt blood flow to different parts of the body and so disrupts the healing process following surgery. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238763-Smoking-can-make-your-nipples-fall-off-Plastic-surgeon-warns-of-gangrene-following-breast-lift Sat, 10 Dec 2011 16:57:36 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238682-Darth-Vader-s-Legal-Blunder What do you get when you cross Darth Vader and Maria von Trapp? A swift response from the patent lawyers of LucasFilm, as power retailer Powershop found out. It seems their online advertisement (left) featuring Darth caused a fair amount of disturbance in the force and Powershop responded by pulling it from circulation. But CEO Ari Sargent says he isn't giving up completely, "not while hope for freedom still exists in the galaxy ..." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238682-Darth-Vader-s-Legal-Blunder Thu, 08 Dec 2011 13:41:14 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238653-Russia-Medvedev-involved-in-obscene-Twitter-outburst Russian president Dmitry Medvedev caused shock on Wednesday after an obscene insult directed at political opponents appeared on his official Twitter feed. The Kremlin chief and his more powerful mentor prime minister, Vladimir Putin, have been facing growing opposition to their rule by protesters who say parliamentary elections on Sunday were not fair. The offensive post appeared to have been retweeted on the @MedvedevRussia feed at 33 minutes past midnight, according to cached copies of the feed and a notification of the post received by a Reuters reporter. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238653-Russia-Medvedev-involved-in-obscene-Twitter-outburst Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:34:04 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238628-US-The-Deep-Shallowness-of-Professor-Gingrich Mea culpa, I misspoke, my bad -- I stand corrected. In past commentaries, I have called Newt Gingrich a lobbyist. Apparently, he hates that tag, even though he has indeed gotten very wealthy by taking big bucks from such special interest outfits as IBM, AstraZeneca, Microsoft and Siemens in exchange for helping them get favors from federal and state governments. But Gingrich, his lawyers and staff adamantly insist that it's rude and crude to call him a lobbyist. No-no, they bark, The Newt is -- ta-da! -- "a visionary." Major corporations, they explain, pay up to $200,000 a year to the corrupt former-House speaker's policy center, seeking nothing more from Newt than the sheer privilege of bathing in the soothing enlightenment of his transformative vision. Also, as the man himself constantly reminds everyone, he has a Ph By-God D. So he's "Dr. Newt," the (SET ITAL) certified (END ITAL) visionary. Yet the sales pitch to lure potential corporate clients to his center makes crystal cleat that the visionary services he offers entail precisely doing what (excuse the term) lobbyists do. For example, the center brags that Newt has "contacts at the highest levels" of government, and that being a paying customer "increases your channels of input to decision makers." One corporate chieftain who hired the well-connected Washington insider for $7,500 a month (plus giving him stock options) says that Gingrich "made it very clear to us that he does not lobby, but that he could direct us to the right places in Washington." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238628-US-The-Deep-Shallowness-of-Professor-Gingrich Wed, 07 Dec 2011 13:30:38 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238530-Economic-Armageddon-Crisis-LIVE-As-it-Happens-and-Will-Continue-to-Happen President Obama meets European Union leaders, shakes hands, puts on some smiles for the press, pretends he doesn't already know what the plan is and shakes his head thoughtfully. Obama says the US is willing to use its magic wand to help put smiles on European faces in time for Christmas. Markets climb despite a warning from several three or four letter acronyms lurking in the shadows and pulling the strings that Europe will slide into a 10 mile deep sink-hole - and Britain will follow - unless each Eurozone country delivers 13.4% of its peasants minced, lightly seasoned, vacuum packed and oven-ready to JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs in under 45 minutes. This page will automatically invent apocalyptic scenarios of catastrophic proportions every 90 seconds - OFF - Obama says even though he is married he will spend the night with Mrs Merkel if he has to - Fitch says US downgrade possible if anyone from the Rothschild family sends an SMS - IMF's Lagarde says their new technocrats in Italy and Greece are behaving themselves - Despite having bad dreams, world markets go up a bit and down a little, pretty much like they normally do - Europe 'in sink-hole' - and could take global economy with it - JP Morgan says it's tired of waiting for downtrodden European peasants and import its own from China 21.35 It's been a long day of satirical expose of Debt Crisis Live and other such live-blogging. They don't half like creating a drama out of a crisis and it can only mean one thing... 21:25 We're currently in YAMC - Yet Another Manufactured Crisis http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238530-Economic-Armageddon-Crisis-LIVE-As-it-Happens-and-Will-Continue-to-Happen Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:40:21 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238562-US-Maryland-Prisoners-Learn-to-Knit-Behind-Bars In 2009, Lynn Zwerling asked a crowd of 600 prisoners at the Pre-Release Unit in Jessup, Maryland, if any of them would like to knit. The response was predictable: "They looked at her like she was crazy," GOOD reports. Despite that initial baffled reaction, over 100 prisoners have learned to knit since then - and there's a waiting list of dozens. "I have guys that have never missed one time in two years," Zwerling, 67, said of the students at her Thursday evening class. "Some reported to us that they miss dinner to come to class." Zwerling brought knitting to the men's prison after she successfully started a 500-member knitting group in Columbia, Maryland. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238562-US-Maryland-Prisoners-Learn-to-Knit-Behind-Bars Tue, 06 Dec 2011 01:56:25 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238305-Stewart-Is-Fox-News-turning-into-The-700-Club- Annoyed over Fox News attacking President Barack Obama for not saying "God" in his Thanksgiving Address, Jon Stewart asked Monday evening if the network was "turning into The 700 Club?" The Daily Show host took the network to task once again for their latest, peculiar over-reaction in a segment titled "Much Ado About Stuffing." "Seriously, failing to mention God in your Thanksgiving address, not a huge Thanksgiving faux pas," Stewart said. "I could understand if instead of pardoning two male turkeys, he had married them. Then I could understand Fox getting bent out of shape." Stewart wasn't even accepting Fox's attempt to "be fair" to Obama, as the network mentioned that he wasn't the first president to leave out God in his Thanksgiving address. "Who did you make look up that shit on a holiday weekend?" he asked. "Who did you do that too?" Fox News later told its viewers that Obama did indeed mention God in his written Thanksgiving address instead of the Youtube broadcasted message. By that time in the segment, Stewart was ready to move on. "This is about turning Thanksgiving into yet another one of those Christian persecution culture war type things," he said. "Don't you do it! Don't you do it to Thanksgiving! I'll give you the war on Christmas, we are trying to f@@k that up. This is all reformed Jews have left." http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238305-Stewart-Is-Fox-News-turning-into-The-700-Club- Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:35:11 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238196-Facebook-is-Run-by-CIA- http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238196-Facebook-is-Run-by-CIA- Sun, 27 Nov 2011 07:02:18 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238096-US-nuclear-aircraft-carrier-George-Bush-crippled-by-toilet-outages Sailors drenched as bottles of piss emptied into wind The US Navy's newest and mightiest nuclear aircraft carrier, the USS George H W Bush*, has been plagued by continual failures in its lavatories, according to reports. Sailors have been forced into increasingly desperate measures to relieve themselves. The Navy Times, following up initial stories of the problems appearing on blogs, quotes members of the 5,000-strong ship's complement as stating that at times there hasn't been a single working head - as lavs are known at sea - anywhere aboard the entire mighty hundred-thousand-ton warship. Reportedly the Bush is fitted with no less than 423 thrones, but it appears that problems with the suction flushing system can easily knock out large numbers of these at once - or even all of them. According to the NT's unnamed sources, crewpersons aboard the carrier have struggled to cope with the situation. It seems that desperate sailors must often hunt for long periods to find a functioning head, and if they do discover one there may be a lengthy queue. Some of the unfortunate matelots have apparently resorted to urinating in sinks or showers, or in some cases off the towering sides of the ship (parts of it are as high above the waves as a 20-story building). The latter is a risky practice, however, as it is against regulations: at least one sailor has been put under punishment for doing so. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238096-US-nuclear-aircraft-carrier-George-Bush-crippled-by-toilet-outages Fri, 25 Nov 2011 03:16:23 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238039-Video-Octopus-crawls-out-of-water-and-walks-on-dry-land Check out this video of an octopus literally crawling out of the water and dragging itself across dry land in pursuit of a meal. A family with a camera was lucky enough to be on the scene and captured the whole thing on video: If you're curious to learn more about the sea creature's possible motivation, there has been some great research on the understanding of octopus intelligence recently, including this surprisingly moving article , in Orion magazine chronicling a researchers bond with a giant Pacific octopus named Athena. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/238039-Video-Octopus-crawls-out-of-water-and-walks-on-dry-land Wed, 23 Nov 2011 19:07:42 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237964-UK-I-m-a-Real-Seal-Pup-Sea-Creature-Goes-Swimming-with-Two-Doggy-Friends This is the extraordinary moment a cheeky seal pup tailed two dogs while they were having a swim - before trying to join in on their fun. Playful dogs Bolle and Coco were busy cooling off in the sea after a long walk when behind them a mysterious shape appeared to follow them. And when the adventurous seal decided he wanted to take the lead and join them splashing around, Coco looked stunned as she came face-to-face with the pup. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237964-UK-I-m-a-Real-Seal-Pup-Sea-Creature-Goes-Swimming-with-Two-Doggy-Friends Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:07:24 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237869-American-turned-Ukrainian-homeless-to-return-home A former write-in candidate for Arizona governor who ended up homeless in Ukraine says he is flying back to Phoenix next week after being entangled in an online dating scam. Cary Dolego, 53, ended up on the streets of a western Ukrainian city after a dating scam. He came in search of a Ukrainian bride but ran out of money. He said Thursday he will return to Phoenix thanks to a loan from the U.S. Embassy. Social workers in Chernivtsi last week found Dolego among the homeless - hungry, unkempt and suffering from pneumonia. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237869-American-turned-Ukrainian-homeless-to-return-home Sat, 19 Nov 2011 02:23:51 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237784-How-did-no-one-notice-Hawaiian-musician-wearing-Occupy-with-Aloha-T-shirt-plays-45-minute-protest-song-in-front-of-Obama-and-other-world-leaders- A popular Hawaiian singer used his performance at a dinner of world leaders hosted by President Barack Obama to voice his support for the 'Occupy' movement. Makana was enlisted to play a luau, or Hawaiian feast, for members of the Pacific Rim who had gathered in Obama's birthplace Honolulu for an annual summit formulating plans for a Pacific free-trade pact. During the meal on the resort strip Waikiki Beach, he proudly pulled open his jacket to reveal a T-shirt which read 'Occupy with Aloha' - using the Hawaiian word whose include love and peace. Scroll down for videos He went on to sing a 45-minute version of his new song We Are The Many, which features the refrain: 'We'll occupy the streets, we'll occupy the courts, we'll occupy the offices of you, till you do the bidding of the many, not the few.' Makana, who was born Matthew Swalinkavich said the song prompted awkward stares from a few in the audience, but the Obamas appeared too engrossed with their guests to even notice what was happening. The attendees may also not have noticed the 'challenging' nature of Makana's lyrics because the music was so mellow, it was mooted on CNN. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237784-How-did-no-one-notice-Hawaiian-musician-wearing-Occupy-with-Aloha-T-shirt-plays-45-minute-protest-song-in-front-of-Obama-and-other-world-leaders- Wed, 16 Nov 2011 21:11:25 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237649-Three-Post-Resignation-Jobs-for-Silvio-Berlusconi Frankly, we're not too worried for just-departed Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi. And we don't mean that in a he's-a-hideously-corrupt-politican-who-deserves-his-comeuppance kind of way. Before becoming ruler of the land of pizza, pasta, and Prada, Berlusconi enjoyed a diverse career path: He was a singer on cruise ships, a real estate developer, and, of course, a media mogul. Il Cavaliere will find his feet. But what will Berlusconi do now that he has some time to himself, besides praying that Rome doesn't burn? Well, let's just say he'll be a regular attendee at beauty pageants and modeling competitions. But, in case the 74-year-old finds his age is finally catching up to him, or finally tires of his nighttime shenanigans, we thought of a few vocations that would be perfect for Berlusconi as a fifth career renaissance. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237649-Three-Post-Resignation-Jobs-for-Silvio-Berlusconi Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:12:40 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237572-British-Foreign-Office-reveals-weird-requests-to-consulates The British consulate offers welcome assistance to travellers who are in trouble abroad, but the Foreign Office is warning there are some things it just cannot help with. In the last six months staff have been asked for a telephone number for Phil Collins and Prince Charles's shoe size. Another request was from a man stranded at the airport by his dominatrix. The Foreign Office says it is important people understand their priority is to help those in real difficulty. Other bizarre appeals for help made to its network of embassies, high commissions and consulates around the world, include one from a man who rang the consulate in Sydney to ask what clothes he should pack for his holiday. http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237572-British-Foreign-Office-reveals-weird-requests-to-consulates Sat, 12 Nov 2011 13:50:46 -0600 http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237546-Clowns-Arrested-In-Near-Successful-Attack-On-Wall-Street-Bull A small group of Occupy Wall Street activists engaged in a near-successful corrida against the Wall Street Bull. The incident began when two clowns, Hannah Morgan and Louis Jargow, scaled the steel barricades protecting the landmark. The clowns began spanking and climbing the beast, traditional ways of coaxing a bull into anger in preparation for a Castilian corrida, or bullfight. Within seconds, police officers grabbed both clowns by their colorful shirts and wrestled one of them (Jargow) to the ground. The other (Morgan) continued to play the harmonica until an officer removed it from her mouth. With the officers thus occupied, a matador in full traje de luces leapt onto the hood of the patrol vehicle parked in front of the bull and boldly presented his blood-red cape to the beast. "I wondered whether I, neophyte matador, could bring down this behemoth, world-famous for charging towards profit while trampling underfoot the average worker," said the OWS activist/torero whose first fight this was. "Come what may, I knew I must try." Police officers took no notice of the matador, occupied as they were with the clowns. "This bull has ruined millions of lives!" wailed clown Jargow as he lay on the ground face-down. "Yet he and his accomplices have been rewarded with billions of our tax dollars - and we, here to put a stop to it all, are thrown to the ground. ¡Un escándalo!" Both clowns were charged with disorderly conduct and released an hour later; they returned to Zuccotti Park to great fanfare. The Wall Street bull continues to rage. yeslab.org/bull music: "Tu Mira" by Lole y Manuel http://www.sott.net/articles/show/237546-Clowns-Arrested-In-Near-Successful-Attack-On-Wall-Street-Bull Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:37:53 -0600