Married May 21 1962. Victim of Domestic Abuse to what I now believe a Sociopath husband of 33 1/2 years!! Have multiple complex comorbid health conditions that spiraled out of control May 2010 due to his abuse & constant refusal of accountability & always, always shifting the blame on me ALL thru the years! I became disabled that time as well. I suffer PTSD & Severe Depression & when I discovered a text between him & a former Buddy of how he had wished he'd stayed with his "HOT" ex GF instead of marrying me, AND HOW HE WAS GOING TO LOOK HER UP ON FB! ALL THE WHILE HE BULLIED ME INTO A MONTH LONG SOLO TRIP TO ARIZONA OF WHICH I WAS TO LEAVE IN 5 DAYS!! And this text marathon he did was just 5 days before our 33rd Anniversary, that was the straw that broke the camel's back! I snapped out of it & all my repressed rage, anger & disgust came boiling to the surface! I have not been able to control it since! He changed his story 4-5x's over his blatent text, of course NEVER taking accountability for his ACTIONS OR WORDS!He even had the balls to recently say it was all "Innocent"! Then he blamed ME for it and punished ME for it by blocking me from our joint cellphone account! I just got " Allowed " back into the cellphone account to see he had been texting his buddy while he was lying in bed next to me, past 11:00 PM at night!! Any other night he'd piss & moan saying he has to be in bed no later than 10:15 PM & can't stay up "all night" spending more than 20 min on foreplay with me as that's just "too much time & effort" because I take "too long". In fact he refused to touch me at all for a full 3 years prior due to what he said quote " I was sick all the time" when that was a lie as he just told me this past month he never believed I could have been that sick all the time! Oh yes I was! Excruciating retinal Migraines, projectile vomiting, constant tinnitus & vertigo, aversion to lights smell & sound & a slew of other comorbid conditions nonstop 24/7/365. And the vomiting was so violent it would come thru my nose, take my breath away as I'd hit my head against the toilet seat & try to gasp for & regain my breath! And he thinks I'd subject myself to all that experimental drug therapy & allow myself to be forcefed then injected steroids that I insisted I could NOT tolerate but I was told by doctors I HAD to endure or else they would NOT treat me. Or rather mistreat & misdiagnose me time & time again! As a result I had rapid horrible weight gain which he detested & he got more verbally & emotionally abusive to me! And he says he's never cheated on me! BS!! I don't Believe him! Hes threatened me with infidelity ever since our honeymoon to force himself on me since he took my virginity forcefully, brutally & painfully (and then complaining when I cried out in horrible pain, pulled away & ran to bathroom to clean off blood as he didn't believe I WAS A REAL VIRGIN like I had professed which he didn't tell me until AUG 2015!!) & THEN comparing my sexual performance UNFAVORABLE & UNSATISFACTORY UNFAIRLY to his former ex's, in which I had NO EXPERIENCE AT ALL!! My veins ran cold & that was a big turn off! I was repulsed! That was when he made a major relationship declaration of "his satisfaction only sex" NO FOREPLAY & that lasted for the better part of the 1st 20-25 years of our marriage. I was in a constant state of confusion. Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. Verbal & Emotional Abuse then used for sex. He'd take me on the brink of orgasm with no foreplay after threats of infidelity, slam BAM THANK YOU MA'AM, roll off & just leave me. I'd cry myself to sleep countless nights. Pretty soon I became robotic & numb. Sure, resentful underneath. I was made to feel attractive at work, men made passes at me, but somehow I kept my vows. I doubt he did but he still lies for some reason & says he has. I'm just a piece of property. How many times I've been told I've been bought & paid for. Recently this Nov 2015 I asked for divorce several times. He won't file. He wants to "appear" the Innocent one, the victim. Hes let others know as well as me how "unstable, Psycho, psychotic, twisted, demented, crazy" I am. Hes charming on the outside & has convinced my therapist I've had since 2010 whom I've told of all these problems that there is "some serious issues with me" & I have "some serious mental problems". OMG!! I thought ive been dealing with a Narcissist, but now maybe a Sociopath?? I may be an Empath? Ive always been super sensitive as well as to other peoples emotions & feelings. I was sexually abused by my 16yr old brother when i was 11. Short of penetration. That went on for a little over a year. It was when my dad took mt mom to her Dr visits. He threatened my life if i told & followed his threats with painful physical abuse. One time he got dads revolver, put 1 bullet in the chamber, made me sit on the bed facing him & made me keep my eyes open as he spun the chamber 1x & he pulled the trigger 1x. Just a click. Hed pull me across the floor by my hair. Punch me in the head. Smother me with the pillow. Kick me in the middle of my back. I worked hard to repress those memories. I almost flunked 5-8th grade. I became very ill, throwing up a lot, almost daily. Dad took me to the doctors frequently, but of course they never found out what was wrong. I was too shamed, scared plus i was protecting my parents. They were over protective. If they knew what happened 1 of them would have taken that gun & usex it on my brother! I would have lost my parents! My moms health was starting to fail. If dad had gotten to him 1st mom would have had a heart attack! And especially if dad went to prison! I could not live with that! We had a close loving family. I dont understand what happened. By the 2nd semester of 9th grade i had it repressed. I wasnt allowed to date until age 16. I kept below the radar but i was always a target for bullies. Always. Dating was always an issue. Guys were like an octopus. Hands all over. Id always cut them off. I was saving my virginity for marriage. Turns out later that was a lost cause. I hung out mostly with a couple of gay guys that were funny, smart but most of all safe. With them i was allowed to be free & myself & have fun! Those couple of years in school were the best! No critisizm, no put downs, no verbal jabs, no verbal or emotional abuse, no sexual pressure or groping hands, no pressure or abuse of any sort! 1st Wed & Thur of this month I attempted suicide. I was exhausted. Especially after my own therapist saying that "I" was holding my spouse hostage in a dead end marriage, which is so far from the truth! It is I who is being held hostage! I can't find a way out. I have no income, no vehicle of my own & I have been systematically isolated. My so-called best friend whom I tried to reach out to has turned her back on me. I tried calling her & her voice was filled with contempt, anger, disgust & loathing. I have gone out of my way to leave her alone since she snagged a new husband in a very non Christian way, for someone processing to be so righteous! I have not called her at their dinnertime in a long time except the 2nd or 3rd week of Oct on my way home from Michigan City to drop off a belated birthday gift to her! If that is what she's complaining about me nagging her in the time I've left her alone after 4:00 PM in several months, then God dam me to hell! Being an empath doesn't spare you from anyone! My spouse called the cops on me, with my former friends egging him on! The ambulance came & carted me off. I was in the hospital not even 24hrs, arriving there bruised head to toe oddly, yet responsibility again pushed on me, gee I beat myself up! I was taken to some God awful mental hospital in Breman Indiana where I was only to be kept for 72 hrs, but they said weekends don't count, but they kept me at hospital hell for 10 long agonizing days! I was subjected to sexual abuse & harassment every single day! My medical needs not met & my health put at risk! Now here I am.