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The sound of his chewing is beyond annoying. And let's not get started on how she never ever makes the bed. "These little issues are totally normal in any relationship, and aren't indicative of whether or not your romance will survive," says Melissa Cohen, a couples therapist in Westfield, New Jersey. But, according to Cohen and many other relationship experts, there
are several warning signs they notice during sessions that signal bigger problems—and threaten the viability of their patients' relationships. Ready to assess the strength of your union? Here are 9 big red flags to look out for.
1. Your conflicts include criticism and contempt.Instead of saying, "Please unload the dishwasher" it sounds more like this: "Do you have some sort of mental condition? Or are you just too stupid to remember to do what I asked?" Notice how the criticism is not about the task—it's about the person. Any version of "What is wrong with you?" basically attacks the other person's character, which, when done regularly, can chip away at the relationship. As for the contempt part, that means you feel superior to you partner. Often, this can sound like, "Why do I have to do everything around here? You do nothing to help out." Contempt is also expressed non-verbally: eye-rolling, sneering, or imitating the person's mannerisms. And contempt just causes more conflict.
If you are stuck in a cycle of negativity, Cohen suggests that you make five positive comments to offset one negative comment. "If, say, you criticized your husband about his terrible driving, force yourself to make at least five endearing comments throughout the rest of the day to smooth things over," she says.
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