Per traditional self-help narratives, if you can't accomplish your goal, you should ask for advice. Find someone who has successfully landed the job, gotten the promotion, made the grades, achieved the weight loss, or created the financial stability that you want. Tell this person you're struggling. Then do what she says.
According to two leading psychologists, this theory isn't just hackneyed, it's wrong. Their research suggests that the key to motivation is
giving advice, not receiving it.
Writing in
MIT Sloan Management Review, Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, a Wharton psychologist who studies motivation, and Ayelet Fishbach, a professor of behavioral science at University of Chicago Booth, explain that psychologists have long known
problems related to self-control are connected to a lack of motivation to transform knowledge into action.
"Realizing this, we decided to turn the standard solution to self-control on its head: What if instead of seeking advice, we asked struggling people to give it," write Eskreis-Winkler and Fishbach. To answer this question, they
conducted a series of experiments that appointed people struggling with self-control to advise others on the very problems they themselves were encountering. The population samples they studied included unemployed adults struggling to find a job, adults struggling to save money, adults struggling with anger management, and children falling behind in school.
"Although giving advice confers no new information to the advice giver, we thought
it would increase the advice giver's confidence," they write.
"Confidence in one's ability can galvanize motivation and achievement even more than actual ability."
Comment: Another counterintuitive solution that just goes to show the depth psychologists were right all along: we are strangers to ourselves. A great and somewhat ironic example of the above dynamic is Tony Robbins, who became successful by telling other people how to become successful. People tend not to take care of themselves as they should, and they also tend not to enjoy being hypocrites. By forcing yourself to give advice, you adopt a position of responsibility, and tend to become a little more responsible in the process. But keep the caveat in mind: you have to know what you're talking about.