Science of the SpiritS


People

Why breaking up with a friend hurts as much, or worse, than the breakup of a romantic relationship

lucy and ethel
Lucy and Ethel: BFFs
Breaking up with a partner is universally accepted to be an awful experience, no matter how amicable the breakup. Often, it's our closest friends who support us through the healing process. But what happens when we lose that support system? Ending a close friendship is awkward and devastating—and it's so rarely discussed that we don't even have specific language to talk about it.

We asked psychologists and researchers who specialize in relationships to help us understand why it hurts when it ends.

This calls into question the nature of relationships and how people experience connection within them.

Book 2

The story behind your anxiety

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I was on my knees, tears surging from my eyes, when my uncle told me I was going to die.

I felt something like despair, even pain, when he explained to me that all people vanish from the Earth.

I can still see the 7 year old me slumped over two bony legs wondering how I could avoid this calamity.

And you know what? I still don't want to die - not now, not ever.

My desire to survive death has always been at the heart of my anxiety. Unfortunately, I didn't know that, and couldn't deal with it, until much later.

That's why it took me so damn long to recover. I was too scared to confront what I feared most.

Comment: You can also check out and try:


Info

Mind hack: Scientists use magnets to change attitudes on immigration, religion

Mind Hack
© Tom Tingle/The Arizona Republic/Pool/Reuters
Researchers from the University of York have used magnetic energy to suppress humans' 'threat-response' functions and dramatically change people's attitudes to immigration.

Psychologists used magnetic force to safely shut down the region of the brain associated with "threat-response functions" and conducted a series of tests where volunteers were asked questions about their beliefs.

Scientists found the people were less likely to have negative views when the magnetic force was applied to the posterior medial frontal cortex, positioned a few inches up from the forehead.

In the study, half of participants were given a low-level placebo-like level of magnetic energy that did not affect their brain, while the other half received enough energy to lower activity in the target area.

Rose

Pathways to Resilience: Former prisoners learn permaculture and a new way of being

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© www.transitionnetwork.org Teaching permaculture design on Pathways to Resilience.
The USA is pioneering schemes that are helping people to re-enter civil society after a prison sentence better equipped to cope in the world and adjust to life after being locked up. One project, Pathways to Resilience, uses a 'permaculture infused value curriculum', teaching permaculture design, how to grow food, peer mentorship that involves talking through issues in a supportive circle, symbolic rites of passage, bushcraft, and social entrepreneurship over five months with former prisoners.

Comment: More info on permaculture:
  • Front yard food gardens - Defying conformity and challenging authority



Red Flag

How to tell if you were raised by a narcissist

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© GETTY IMAGES
Once you figure this out, a whole lot of other things will start to make sense.

To outsiders, your dad is a larger-than-life social magnet who attracts people from all walks of life. Or your mom is the perfect woman, always looking to please and juggling everything with ease.

But behind closed doors, all pretense falls away. Only you, their child, knows what it's like to endure their cold shoulders for days on end over a minor infraction, or bear the brunt of constant, age-inappropriate demands for perfection and strength. You know what it's like to be parented by a narcissist.

Comment: For a deeper understanding of this topic read: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman.
In this compelling book, the authors present an innovative therapeutic model for understanding and treating adults from emotionally abusive or neglectful families - families the authors call narcissistic. Narcissistic families have a parental system that is, for whatever reason (job stress, alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, physical disability, lack of parenting skills, self-centered immaturity), primarily involved in getting its own needs met. The children in such narcissistic family systems try to earn love, attention and approval by satisfying their parents' needs, thus never developing the ability to recognize their own needs or create strategies for getting them met. By outlining the theoretical framework of their model and using dozens of illustrative clinical examples, the authors clearly illuminate specific practice guidelines for treating these individuals. Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman is a therapist, consultant, and trainer. She is known for her work with dysfunctional families, particularly with survivors of incest. Robert M. Pressman is the editor-in-chief and president of the Joint Commission for the Development of the Treatment and Statistical Manual for Behavioral and Mental Disorders.



Bulb

MIT scientists discover new brain circuit involved in sleep regulation

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© en.sunningview.com
What happens inside our brains that makes us zone out when we're sleep deprived? Looking to determine what happens in the brain when we want to sleep but don't, a study published in the journal eLife, from neuroscientists at MIT, describes a newly discovered circuit in the brain's cortex. They believe this circuit has the ability to trigger specific regions to fall asleep or become less alert while the rest of the brain stays awake. If confirmed, the discovery could help researchers invent sleep and anesthetic drugs that better mimic our natural sleeping states.

"During sleep, maybe specific brain regions have slow waves at the same time because they need to exchange information with each other, whereas other ones don't," said the study's co-author Laura Lewis, a research affiliate in MIT's Department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences, in a press release. "I'm inclined to think that happens because the brain begins to transition into sleep, and some local brain regions become drowsy even if you force yourself to stay awake."

The special circuit was found inside the thalamic reticular nucleus (TRN), a region inside the brain that controls brain waves in deep sleep, during a coma, and while a person is under anesthesia. It may also be where new memories are shared between different areas of the brain, causing a person to zone out and become drowsy while not quite falling asleep.

For the study, researchers studied mice and found that when they gently stimulated the TRN in mice, slow waves appeared in the cortex. "We also found that when you induce these slow waves across the cortex, animals start to behaviorally act like they're drowsy," Lewis added. "They'll stop moving around, their muscle tone will go down."

Comment: See also: Are You Asleep? Exploring the Mind's Twilight Zone


People 2

Examining the one word that can kill a friendship

friend lonely
© Unknown
There's this word you use all the time. It's a seemingly harmless word - it's close to meaningless, really - but it's slowly, subversively tainting your relationships.

Look back over any recent texts and emails you've sent to friends. If they look something like this, you're caught in this word's trap.

"I'd love to hang out! But I'm really busy."

"Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier! I've been so busy."

"What's going on with me? Just busy as usual!"

You guessed it. The single-word saboteur is "Busy." It's a word that's stealthily driving your friends away, and it's time to eliminate it from your social vocabulary.

Comment: And sometimes you just need to stop and smell the roses!
Work too hard and you also lose sight of the bigger picture. Research has suggested that as we burn out, we have a greater tendency to get lost in the weeds.

In sum, the story of overwork is literally a story of diminishing returns: keep overworking, and you'll progressively work more stupidly on tasks that are increasingly meaningless.

Working long hours not only impairs health but reduces productivity
Also see: Why do we murder the beautiful friendships of boys?


Bulb

The Sioux guide to situational awareness

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Charles Alexander Eastman was born in 1858 and raised as "Ohiyesa" to be a hunter and warrior in the traditional ways of the Santee Sioux. When he was almost 16 years old, he left tribal life to learn the culture of European-American civilization and earn his undergraduate and medical degrees. Eastman became a doctor, a tireless advocate for the rights of his people, and a writer of many works in which he sought to share the true ways of the American Indian. We previously shared Eastman's insights on the Sioux ideal of manhood. Having laid that foundational overview, we will now offer a series of edited collections of Eastman's writing on 3 specific subjects: situational awareness, physical and mental discipline, and spirituality.


First up: situational awareness. The life of the American Indian was a satisfying but precarious one. Natural and human dangers abounded. To watch for these threats, the Sioux selected certain men to serve as two types of scouts — one for hunting and one for war. Part of the job of the latter was to secrete themselves just outside the tribe's village at night and listen and watch for potential enemies in the darkness; Eastman describes these nocturnal scouts as having "been so trained as to rival an owl or a cat in their ability to see in the dark."

Comment:
The journey from boy to man: A lesson from the Sioux
Situational Awareness - Observe, Orient, Decide, Act


Heart - Black

Emotional abuse in childhood as harmful as violence or neglect

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© FASPHOTOGRAPHIC
Though abusive words don't leave physical scars, they may have the same lasting mental health effects as violence, new research finds.

According to a study published in JAMA Psychiatry, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as other forms of child abuse, including violence and neglect.

Hearts

Romantic love can lead to growth or stagnation

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© Shutterstock
"Come sleep with me: We won't make Love, Love will make us," Argentinian author Julio Cortázar wrote in his 1963 novel Hopscotch. Love can indeed change people—a new romance can be an opportunity for self-growth. But when a relationship leads people to reject other important pieces of their lives, those gains diminish, researchers report in a new study.

"It is well accepted that people may change when they become involved in a new romance, but we felt that little was known about the personal factors likely to affect the extent and nature of these changes," said coauthor Noémie Carbonneau, a social psychologist at the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivières.