Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Week-long acid trip lands Washington man in jail, ending his crime spree

© Shutterstock
A Washington man on a week-long acid trip faces multiple charges after going on a drug-fueled crime spree that ended when one of his victims drove him to McDonald's so he could get a soda. George Jacobson,23, is charged with multiple crimes including robbery, kidnapping, burglary, and theft of a firearm and is currently being held in Pierce County Jail with bail set at $1 million, according to Fox 13.

According to authorities, they received their first report on Jacobson's antics on Sept. 26 after receiving two callas from home owners who encountered him on their property. The first victim found Jacobson in his barn holding a single black rubber boot. Asked what he was doing, the homeowner said Jacobson walked outside, bent down, and put his hands in the air. After the homeowner threatened to "sic his dogs on him," Jacobson reportedly ran off.

Jacobson then showed up inside a neighbor's house where he drew a gun on the woman of the house, while muttering "mean neighbor." Asking him what he wanted, Jacobson requested the woman make him a sandwich, which she did. As he ate the sandwich, Jacobson showed the woman the boot explaining he was on a "spiritual journey" and the "boot contained his jewels."
Arrow Up

Mother Nature strikes back as hawk downs drone

hawk downs drone
© Christopher Schmidt
An irate hawk reclaimed its patch of sky from an antagonistic drone this week in Cambridge, Massachusetts, knocking the buzzing recording device out of the sky as easily as its normal prey.

YouTube user and software developer Christopher Schmidt had been flying the Phantom FC40 quadcopter drone around the city's Magazine Beach Park, when the giant bird of prey took exception to his activities. In Schmidt's words, the bird "wasn't too happy" with its presence.

The footage shows the predator skillfully swooping into the camera before swiping at it with its enormous talons and knocking it out of the sky.

"As soon as he flew at me, I throttled down the props to try to minimize any harm to the bird," Schmidt wrote alongside his upload of the video on YouTube.

This horse walks into a police station....

A horse walking into a police station sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but that scenario actually happened.

The horse trotted into the Cheshire Constabulary Headquarters in Winsford, England, early Monday morning. The animal is seen on closed-circuit video casually entering the station through automatic doors before an officer walks him back out a short while later. Apparently the horse was from a nearby field, where it was returned by the staff.

Police Superintendent Peter Crowcroft released this statement: "We were somewhat saddled with our unexpected guest, who in the early hours of the morning quickly became the mane event of the night shift. ... At neigh point did the horse pose a risk to security."

That is probably the best example of British humor we have seen in a while.
Wine n Glass

People kept complaining this restaurant sucked, look what they found out...

A famous restaurant in NYC decided to hire a firm to figure out why they kept getting bad reviews. What this firm discovered is quite interesting. Below is a transcript that the restaurant posted on Craigslist after they discovered what it was...


Report: Many companies now offering women permanent, unpaid maternity leave

As part of a nationwide effort to accommodate women in the workplace, many U.S. companies are now offering female employees permanent, unpaid maternity leave, according to a Pew Research Center survey released Thursday.

Kangaroos brawl on an Australian street

A YouTube video taken by Rodney Langham shows two male kangaroos fighting for five minutes on a suburban street.

© Rodney Langham
Kangaroos brawling
Australian man captured video of two kangaroos engaging in a 5-minute street fight near his home in suburban New South Wales.

The YouTube video, uploaded by Rodney Langham, shows two male kangaroos settling their differences through fisticuffs on a suburban street on the Central Coast.

The brawl took the two marsupials through the street and surrounding front yards and driveways

SOTT Satire Desk: Scottish referendum, IS - the band, and Ebola madness

Scots have been robbed by London once again
While more angry Scots took to the streets protesting about the obvious rigging of the Scottish Independence referendum, Whitehall mandarins proposed a unique bonding opportunity to help repair damaged relations between Scottish citizens and Westminster politicians - a cultural exchange program. Residents from a chosen facility in Scotland would swap with their English 'compatriots', in a symbolic gesture aimed at strengthening the Union.

However, seriously underestimating contempt towards them, instead of choosing comfortable surroundings for the month long program - say, a famous institution like St Andrews University - the preferred venue, overwhelmingly supported by an independent online poll, was Edinburgh Zoo.

Warning: Do not feed the animals
As the PR disaster unfolded, one independent observer captured the prevailing sentiment, stating: "It is obviously ridiculous that the exchange program can proceed now. Moving such dangerous, predatory animals from their familiar surroundings would be completely irresponsible. And the same can be said for the residents of Edinburgh Zoo."

Girding Up Your Loins: An Illustrated Guide

gird your loins
© Ted Slampyak
If you've read the Bible, then you've probably come across the phrase "gird up your loins." I've always thought it was a funny turn of phrase. Loins....heh.

Back in the days of the ancient Near East, both men and women wore flowing tunics. Around the tunic, they'd wear a belt or girdle. While tunics were comfortable and breezy, the hem of the tunic would often get in the way when a man was fighting or performing hard labor. So when ancient Hebrew men had to battle the Philistines, the men would lift the hem of their tunic up and tuck it into their girdle or tie it in a knot to keep it off the ground. The effect basically created a pair of shorts that provided more freedom of movement. Thus to tell someone to "gird up their loins" was to tell them to get ready for hard work or battle. It was the ancient way of saying "man up!"

While I've had a vague notion of what it meant to gird up your loins, I've always been curious how exactly you do it. So we did some sleuthing and found these instructions on the Historyzine Podcast and turned it into an illustrated guide for your enjoyment and edification. In case tunics ever come back in style, you'll now know how to gird up your loins and get ready for action.

Yea, now go forth. Gird up your loins and fresh courage take, my brethren.

New York Employee hid $1,200 worth of meat in his pants

Gregory Rodriguez
© AP Photo/New York State Police
In this Tuesday, Sept. 30, 2014 photo provided by the New York State Police in Salt Point, N.Y., Gregory Rodriguez, of Ossining, N.Y. is shown.
A New York supermarket employee has been accused of leaving the store with $1,200 worth of meat hidden in his pants.

State police say Gregory Rodriguez, of Ossining, is charged with fourth-degree grand larceny.

Rodriguez works at the A&P in Croton-on-Hudson. Police were called Monday about the theft. Rodriguez was arrested Tuesday.

A state police spokeswoman, Trooper Melissa McMorris, says the theft occurred in one day. She did not know if it involved more than one trip to the store.

Rodriguez was arraigned Tuesday night in Cortlandt and sent to the Westchester County Jail. The court clerk says no lawyer was present and no plea was entered.

'Craven route that would bonerize Machiavelli' Jon Stewart describes 'cynical and childish congress'

© The Daily Show/youtube image capture
In light of Congress' turn toward the "childish and cynical," Daily Show host Jon Stewart said on Tuesday, the classic Schoolhouse Rock song "I'm Just A Bill" needed an update.

"I'm just holding my d*ck as I sit here and wait, while these fat motherf*ckers hold a phony debate," the titular Bill laments in the new version. "I can't take it anymore, I'm done, I'll buy a gun and my brains I will spill on the steps of Capital Hill."

Stewart pointed out that, instead of actually trying to pass legislation, Republicans and Democrats are locked in a game of one-upmanship: Democrats will advance hopeless proposals in order to use the bills as fodder for election attack ads against the GOP, while Republicans run out the clock on the legislative calendar so that they can avoid voting on "volatile" issues before the elections.

Comment: Jon Stewart produces some of the hardest hitting journalism, and gets away with it because it's 'comedy'.